VIII - The Power of Silence
IX - The Art of Dreaming
X - The Active Side of Infinity

VIII - The Power of Silence
Carlos Castaneda, The Power of Silence. Further Lessons of don Juan
    Simon & Schuster - Pocket, NY 1988
Carlos Castaneda, Die Kraft der Stille. Neue Lehren des Don Juan
    Fischer 1988
Table of Contents

Chapter     Page (Book)     here
Foreword vii
Introduction ix - xix goto
1. The Manifestations of the Spirit 1 goto
    The First Abstract Core 1
    The Impeccability of the Nagual Elías 11
2. The Knock of the Spirit 25 goto
    The Abstract 25
    The Last Seduction of the Nagual Julian 39
3. The Trickery of the Spirit 52 goto
    Dusting the Link with the Spirit 52
    The Four Moods of Stalking 69
4. The Descent of the Spirit 87 goto
    Seeing the Spirit 87
    The Somersault of Thought 106
    Moving the Assemblage Point 116
    The Place of No Pity 134
5. {\sc The Requirements of Intent 155 goto
    Breaking the Mirror of Self-Reflection 155
    The Ticket to Impeccability 170
6. Handling (Intent d: 188) 196 goto
    The Third Point (d: 188) 196
    The Two One-Way Bridges (d: 213) 225
    Intending Appearances (d: 227) 241

Over the years, he had given me different definitions of sorcery, but he had always maintained that definitions change as knowledge increases. [eix]
“Human beings are born with a finite amount of energy,” don Juan said, ”an energy that is systematically deployed, beginning at the moment of birth, in order that it may be used most advantageously by the modality of the time.”
“What do you mean by the modality of the time?” I asked.
“The modality of the time is the precise bundle of energy fields being perceived,” he answered. “I believe man's perception has changed through the ages. The actual time decides the mode; the time decides which precise bundle of energy fields, out of an incalculable number, are to be used. And handling the modality of the time - those few, selected energy fields - takes all our available energy, leaving us nothing that would help us use any of the other energy fields.” ....
”Think of it this way,” he proceeded. ”It isn't that as time goes by you're learning sorcery; rather, what you're learning is to save energy. And this energy will enable you to handle some of the energy fields which are inaccessible to you now. And that is sorcery: the ability to use energy fields that are not employed in perceiving the ordinary world we know. Sorcery is a state of awareness. Sorcery is the ability to perceive something which ordinary perception cannot.
”Everything I've put you through,” don Juan went on, ”each of the things I've shown you was only a device to convince you that there's more to us than meets the eye. We don't need anyone to teach us sorcery, because there is really nothing to learn. What we need is a teacher to convince us that there is incalculable power at our fingertips. What strange paradox! Every warrior on the path of knowledge thinks, at one time or another, that he's learning sorcery, but all he's doing is allowing himself to be convinced of the power hidden in his being, and that he can reach it.” ....
“Once we have reached it, what exactly do we do with it, don Juan?”
“Nothing. Once we have reached it, it will, by itself, make use of energy fields which are available to us but inaccessible. And that, as I have said, is sorcery. We begin then to see - that is, to perceive - something else; not as imagination, but as real and concrete. And then we begin to know without having to use words. And what any of us does with that increased perception, with that silent knowledge, depends on our own temperament.” ....
Sorcerers, or warriors, as he called them, were concerned with discussing, understanding, and employing that connecting link. They were especially concerned with cleaning it of the numbing effects brought about by the ordinary concerns of their everyday lives. Sorcery at this level could be defined as the procedure of cleaning one's connecting link to intent ....
He said that the task of sorcery is to take this seemingly incomprehensible knowledge and make it understandable by the standards of awareness of everyday life ....
Anschließend erklärte er mir die aufgabe eines führers im leben der zauberer. Solch ein führer werde als `Nagual' bezeichnet, sagte er, und der Nagual sei stets ein mann oder eine frau mit ungewöhnlicher energie. Sei ein lehrer, der sich durch besonnenheit, ausdauer und zuverlässigkeit auszeichne - ein mensch, den die seher als leuchtende sphäre mit vier feldern sehen, gleichsam als ein gebilde aus vier zusammengedrückten leuchtenden kugeln. Die Naguals wirken, aufgrund ihrer ungewöhnlichen energie, als vermittler. Ihre energie macht es ihnen möglich, ruhe und harmonie, lachen und wissen direkt aus der quelle - der absicht herzuleiten und ihren gefährten zu vermitteln. Naguals are responsible for supplying what sorcerers call `the minimal chance': the awareness of one's connection with intent. [exf]
”Of course, you're not a writer,” he said, ”so you will have to use sorcery. First, you must visualize your experiences as if you were reliving them, and then you must see the text in your dreaming. For you, writing should not be a literary exercise, but rather an exercise in sorcery.” [exiv]
The mastery of awareness is the riddle of the mind; the perplexity sorcerers experience when they recognize the astounding mystery and scope of awareness and perception.
The art of stalking is the riddle of the heart; the puzzlement sorcerers feel upon becoming aware of two things: first that the world appears to us to be unalterably objective and factual, because of pecularities of our awareness and perception; second, that if different pecularities of perception come into play, the very things about the world that seem so unalterably objective and factual change.
The mastery of intent is the riddle of the spirit, or the paradox of the abstract - sorcerers' thougths and actions projected beyond our human condition. [exv]


The Manifestations of the Spirit

The First Abstract Core
”For sorcerers their past is what other sorcerers in bygone days have done. And what we are now going to do is examine that past .... Only sorcerers genuinely seek a point of reference in their past .... For sorcerers, establishing a point of reference means getting a chance to examine intent .... [e2]
I had tried unseccessfully to create, by myself, the effect of his ministrations. He told me it was not the ministrations but his inner silence that kept me warm, and the branches or stones or leaves were merely devices to trap my attention and maintain it in focus. [4]
Naturally, he heard the inner voice, but he believed it to be his own feelings he was feeling and his own thoughts he was thinking. [e5]
”The spirit, in order to shake him out of his slumber, gave him three signs, three successive manifestations. The spirit crossed the man's path in the most obvious manner. But the man was oblivious to anything but his self-concern.” ....
”I've just told you the first abstract core,” he continued. ”The only other thing I could add is that because of the man's absolute unwillingness to understand, the spirit was forced to use trickery. And trickery became the essence of the sorcerers' path. But this is another story.” [e6]

The Impeccability of the Nagual Elías ”The only way to know intent,” he replied ”is to know it directly through a living connection that exists between intent and all sentient beings. Sorcerers call intent the indescribable, the spirit, the abstract, the nagual. I would prefer to call it nagual, but it overlaps with the name for the leader, the benefactor, who is also called nagual, so I have opted for calling it the spirit, intent, the abstract.” [e11]
Don Juan explained that every act performed by sorcerers, especially by the naguals, was either performed as a way to strengthen their link with intent or as a response triggered by the link itself. Sorcerers, and specifically the naguals, therefore had to be actively and permanently on the lookout for the manifestations of the spirit. Such manifestations were called gestures of the spirit or, more simply, indications or omens. [e12]
The indications the spirit gave the nagual Julian about don Juan were, first, a small cyclone that lifted a cone of dust on the road a couple of yards from where he lay. The second omen was the thought which had crossed the nagual Julian's mind an instant before he had heard the report of the gun a few yards away: that it was time to have an apprentice nagual. Moments later, the spirit gave him the third omen,when he ran to take cover and instead collided with the gunman, putting him to flight, perhaps preventing him from shooting don Juan a second time. A collision with someone was the type of blunder which no sorcerer, much less a nagual, should ever make. [e13]
In a more mellow tone he added that heightened awareness did not reveal everything until the whole edifice of sorcery knowledge was completed.
Then he answered my question about whether or not sorcerers could misinterpret omens. He explained that when a sorcerer interpreted an omen he knew its exact meaning without having any notion of how he knew it. This was one of the bewildering effects of the connecting link with intent. Sorcerers had a sense of knowing things directly. How sure they were depended on the strength and clarity of their connecting link.
”.... The entire truth is that the spirit reveals itself to everyone with the same intensity and consistency, but only sorcerers, and naguals in particular, are attuned to such revelations.” [e14]
Don Juan explained again something he had told me years before - that our death was a black spot right behind the left shoulder. He said that sorcerers knew when a person was close to dying because they could see the dark spot, which became a moving shadow the exact size and shape of the person to whom it belonged. ....
Don Juan explained that a Nagual's first reaction, upon being faced with the manifestations of the spirit, is to see the persons involved. [e17]
Naguals make decisions. With no regard for the consequences they take action or choose not to. Imposters ponder and become paralyzed. The nagual Elías, having made his decision, walked calmly to the side of the dying man and did the first thing his body, not his mind, compelled him to do: he struck the man's assemblage point to cause him to enter into heightened awareness. He struck him frantically again and again until his assemblage point moved. Aided by the force of death itself, the nagual's blows sent the man's assemblage point to a place where death no longer mattered, and there he stopped dying. .... If the man was to fend off the force of his death, it would be necessary for him to remain in deep heightened awareness until death had been repelled. The man's advanced physical deterioration meant he could not be moved from the spot or he would instantly die. The Nagual did the only thing possible under the circumstances: he built a shack around the body. There, for three months he nursed the totally immobilized man. .... how the Nagual Julian could build a shack on someone else's land. I was aware of the rural peoples' passion about land ownership and its accompanying feelings of territoriality .... the Nagual Elías had said that the spirit itself had made it possible. This was the case with everything a Nagual undertook, providing he followed the spirit's manifestations. [e21]
The woman did not respond. And the Nagual Elías was obliged to tell her what every Nagual has said to a prospective apprentice throughout the ages: that sorcerers speak of sorcery as a magical, mysterious bird which has paused in its flight for a moment in order to give man hope and purpose; that sorcerers live under the wing if that bird, which they call the bird of wisdom, the bird of freedom; that they nourish it with their dedication and impeccability. He told her that sorcerers knew the flight of the bird of freedom was always a straight line, since it had no way of making a loop, no way of circling back and returning; and that the bird of freedom could do only two things, take the sorcerers along, or leave them behind. ....
She had understood perfectly that there was no second chance for her, that the bird of freedom either took sorcerers along or left them behind. ....
It was a world that admitted very few mistakes. ....
He said that I should not forget, even for an instant, that the bird of freedom had very little patience with indecision, and when it flew away, it never returned. [e22ff]

The Knock of the Spirit
The Abstract ”When you have been afraid or upset, don't lie down to sleep,” he said without looking at me. ”Sleep sitting up on a soft chair as I'm doing.”
He had suggested once that if I wanted to give my body healing rest I should take long naps, lying on my stomach with my face turned to the left and my feet over the foot of the bed. In order to avoid being cold, he recommended I put a soft pillow over my shoulders, away from my neck, and wear heavy socks, or just leave my shoes on. [e25f]
”The Nagual Elías's story is another matter. Although it seems to be a story about people, it is really a story about intent. intent creates edifices before us and invites us to enter them. This is the way sorcerers understand what is happening around them.” [e27]
”.... That part which escapes you sorcerers know as the edifice of intent, or the silent voice of the spirit, or the ulterior arrangement of the abstract.” [e29]
”.... I wouldn't call it compassion, but rather, empathy. Warriors are incapable of feeling compassion because they no longer feel sorry for themselves. Without the driving force of self-pity, compassion is meaningless.”
“Are you saying, din Juan, that a warrior is all for himself?” (Willst du behaupten, Don Juan, dass ein krieger ganz egozentrisch ist?)
”In a way, yes. For a warrior everything begins and ends with himself. However, his contact with the abstract causes him to overcome his feeling of self-importance. Then the self becomes abstract and impersonal.” [e31f]
”dreaming is a sorcerers jet plane,” he said. ”The Nagual Elías was a dreamer as my benefactor was a stalker. [e33]
The tiled-roof adobe house consisted of a huge room with a dirt floor where he lived with five woman seers, who were actually his wives. There were also four men, sorcerer-seers of his party who lived in small houses around the Nagual's house. They were all Indians from different parts of the country who had migrated to northern Mexico.
”The Nagual Elías had great respect for sexual energy,” don Juan said. ”He believed it has been given to us so we can use it in dreaming. He believed dreaming had fallen into disuse because it can upset the precarious mental balance of susceptible people. ....
Well, your assemblage point moves almost eratically, because your sexual energy is not in balance. .... Our sexual energy is what governs dreaming,” he explained. ”The Nagual Elías taught me - and I taught you - that you either make love with your sexual energy or you dream with it. There is no other way. The reason I mention it at all is because you are having great difficulty shifting your assemblage point to grasp our last topic: the abstract.
”The same thing happened to me,” don Juan went on. ”It was only when my sexual energy was freed from the world that everything fit into place. That is the rule for dreamers. Stalkers are the opposite. My benefactor was, you could say, a sexual libertine both as an average man and as a Nagual.” [e35f]
”Accepting this proposition is not as easy as saying you accept it,” don Juan said. ”The Nagual Elías used to tell me that the whole of humanity has moved away from the abstract, although at one time we must have been close to it. It must have been our sustaining force. And then something happened and pulled us away from the abstract. Now we can't get back to it. He used to say that it takes years for an apprentice to be able to go back to the abstract, that is, to know that knowledge and language can exist independent of each other.”
Die unmöglichkeit, zurückzukehren zum abstrakten, wiederholte Don Juan, sei bedingt durch unsere weigerung, die tatsache zu akzeptieren, dass wir ohne worte, sogar ohne gedanken etwas wissen könnten. ....
“Ich habe dir gesagt, dass es unmöglich ist, über den geist zu sprechen”, fuhr er fort, “weil der geist nur erfahren werden kann. Die zauberer versuchen diesen zustand zu erklären, wenn sie sagen, dass der geist etwas ist, was man weder sehen noch fühlen kann. Aber er ist da, und er schwebt immer vor uns. Manchmal kommt er zu einigen von uns. Aber meistens scheint er desinteressiert.” ....
Der geist, sagte er, verhalte sich in mancher hinsicht wie ein wildes tier. Er halte sich fern - bis zu dem augenblick, da irgend etwas ihn hervorlocke. Erst dann offenbare sich der geist. ....
“Dein problem ist”, sagte er, “dass du nur an deine eigene vorstellung vom abstrakten denkst. Zum beispiel das innere wesen des menschen oder der kategorische imperativ - das sind für dich abstrakta. Oder, vielleicht etwas weniger unbestimmt, der charakter, der wille oder mut, würde, ehre. Natürlich kann man den geist mit allen diesen begriffen bezeichnen. Und das ist's, was so verwirrend erscheint - dass er all dies ist, und keines von alledem.
He added that what I considered abstractions were either the opposites of all the practicalities I could think of or things I had decided did not have concrete existence.
”Whereas for a sorcerer an abstract is something with no parallel in the human condition .... For a sorcerer, the spirit is an abstract simply because he knows it without words or even thoughts. It's an abstract because he can't conceive what the spirit is. Yet without the slightest chance or desire to understand it, a sorcerer handles the spirit. He recognizes it, beckons it, entices it, becomes familiar with it, and expresses it with his acts.” ....
“Die wurzel deines missverständnisses ist, dass ich den geist mit dem wort `abstrakt' bezeichnet habe”, sagte er. “Für dich sind abstrakta nur bezeichnungen für intuitionen. Etwa das wort `geist', das weder etwas rationales noch eine praktische erfahrung bezeichnet; für dich ist es nichts anderes als ein kitzel deiner phantasie.” [e37f] [d50ff]

The Last Seduction of the Nagual Julian He said that a Nagual can be a conduit only after the spirit has manifested its willingness to be used - either almost imperceptibly or with outright commands. It was therefore not possible for a Nagual to choose his apprentices according to his own volition, or his own calculations. But once willingness of the spirit was revealed through omens, the Nagual spared no effort to satifsy it. ....
The average man's connecting link with intent is practically dead, and sorcerers begin with a link that is useless, because it does not respond voluntarily.
He stressed that in order to revive that link sorcerers needed a rigorous, fierce purpose - a special state of mind called unbending intent. Accepting that the Nagual was the only being capable of supplying unbending intent was the most difficult part of the sorcerer's apprenticeship. [e41f]
Sorcerers know that the more difficult the command is, the more difficult the discipline turns out to be. [e43]
The edifice that intent flaunts before us is, then, a clearinghouse, within which we find not so much the procedures to clear our connecting link as the silent knowledge that allows the clearing process to take place. Without that silent knowledge no process could work, and all we would have would be an indefinite sense of needing something. ....
He remarked that each of us was barred from silent knowledge by natural barriers, specific to each individual; and that the most impregnable of my barriers was the drive to disguise my complacency as independence. [e57f]
He picked up one of my poetry books from a chair next to him, a collection by Juan Ramón Jiménez. He opened it to where he had placed a marker
`300 Poemas', Plaza & Janes Editores S.A., Barcelona 1974, Primera Edición 1985, in Rubrik `Jardines Lejanos' (1903 - 1904) no9 (Jardines místicos) Spanisches Original im Sourcecode
handed it to me and signaled me to read.
Is it I who walks tonight
in my room or is it the beggar
who was prowling in my garden
at nightfall?
I look around
and find that everything
is the same and it is not the same ....
Was the window open?
Had I not already fallen asleep?
Was not the garden pale green? ....
The sky was clear and blue ....
And there are clouds
and it is windy
and my garden is dark and gloomy
I think that my hair was black ....
I was dressed in grey ....
And my hair is grey
and I am wearing black ....
Is this my gait?
Does this voice, which now resounds
    in me,
have the rhythms of the voice I used
    to have?
Am I myself or am I the beggar
who was prowling in my garden
at nightfall?
I look around ....
There are clouds and it is windy ....
The garden is dark and gloomy ....
I come and go ... Is it not true
that I had already fallen asleep?
My hair is grey .... And everything
is the same and it is not the same ....
Bin ich es, der nachts
durch mein zimmer wandert,
    oder der bettler,
der durch meinen garten schlich
in der abenddämmerung?
Ich sehe mich um
und finde, dass alles noch
gleich ist, und ist doch nicht gleich ....
War das fenster offen?
War ich nicht eben eingeschlafen?
War der garten nicht blass-grün? ....
Der himmel war klar und blau ....
Und da sind wolken
und es ist windig
und der garten ist dunkel und taurig
Ich glaube, mein haar war schwarz ....
Ich war gekleidet in grau ....
Und mein Haar ist grau
und ich bin gekleidet in schwarz ....
Ist dies mein gang?
Hat diese stimme, die nun in mir hallt,
noch den rhythmus der stimme, die ich
    einmal hatte?
Und bin ich ich selbst, oder bin ich
    der bettler,
der durch meinen garten schlich
in der abenddämmerung?
Ich sehe mich um ....
Da sind wolken, und es ist windig ....
Der garten ist dunkel und traurig ....
Ich komme und gehe .... Ist es nicht wahr,
dass ich bereits eingeschlafen war?
Mein haar ist grau .... Und alles ist
gleich und doch nicht mehr gleich ....
I reread the poem to myself and I caught the poet's mood of impotence and bewilderment. I asked don Juan if he felt the same.
”I think the poet senses the pressure of aging and the anxiety that that realization produces,” don Juan said. ”But that is only one part of it. The other part, which interests me, is that the poet, although he never moves his assemblage point, intuits that something extraordinary is at stake (dass es um etwas ungeheuerliches geht). He intuits with great certainty that there is some unnamed factor, awesome because of its simplicity, that is determining our fate.” [e49ff] [d61f]

The Trickery of the Spirit
Dusting the Link with the Spirit
”He was both a magician and an artist,” don Juan replied. ”His magic was that he transformed himself by moving his assemblage point into the position that would bring on whatever particular change he desired. And his art was the perfection of his transformations. ....
Don Juan said that perception is the hinge for everything man is or does, and that perception is ruled by the location of the assemblage point. Therefore, if that point changes positions, man's perception of the world changes accordingly. The sorcerer who knew exactly where to place his assemblage point could become anything he wanted. [e56f]
”Of course, I could have seen everything at that time, but wisdom always comes to us painfully and in driblets.” [e59]
It took him hours. A lot of people had passed by, but no one seemed to have noticed don Juan's dispair or the old man's actions. [e62]
”The art of stalking is learning all the quirks of your disguise,” Belisario said, paying no attention to what don Juan was telling him. ”And it is to learn them so well no one will know you are disguised. For that you need to be ruthless, cunning, patient, and sweet.” [e65f]
“But isn't stalking taught in deep, heightened awareness?” I asked.
”Of course,” he replied with a grin. ”But you have to understand that for some men waring women's clothes is the door into heightened awareness. In fact, such means are more effective than pushing the assemblage point, but are very difficult to arrange.”
Don Juan said that his benefactor drilled him daily in the four moods of stalking and insisted that don Juan understand that ruthlessness should not be harshness, cunning should not be cruelty, patience should not be negligence, and sweetness should not be foolishness (Don Juan müsse begreifen, verlangte er, dass rücksichtslosigkeit niemals härte sein dürfe, list niemals grausamkeit, geduld niemals nachlässigkeit und sanftheit niemals albernheit).
He taught him that these four steps had to be practiced and perfected until they were so smooth they were unnoticeable. He believed women to be natural stalkers. And his conviction was so strong he maintained that only in a woman's disguise could any man really learn the art of stalking.
”I went with him to every market in every town we passed and haggled with everyone,” don Juan went on. ”My benefactor used to stay to one side watching me. `Be ruthless but charming,' he used to say. `Be cunning but nice. Be patient but active. Be sweet but lethal. Only women can do it. If a man acts this way he's being prissy.' ” [e67f] [76f]

The Four Moods of Stalking My recollection was so phenomenal that it was as if I were reliving the experience. ....
He affirmed that although I possessed total knowledge of what intent is, I did not command that knowledge yet. Knowing what intent is means that one can at any time, explain that knowledge or use it. A Nagual by the force of his position is obliged to command his knowledge in this manner. [e70]
”What a waste,” he said in a loud sigh, after I described what I had seen. “You have exhausted nearly all your energy. Restrain yourself. A warrior needs focus. Who gives a damn about wings on a luminous cocoon?”
He said that heightened awareness was like a springboard. From it one could jump into infinity. He stressed, over and over, that when the assemblage point was dislodged, it either became lodged again at a position very near its customary one or continued moving into infinity.
”People have no idea of the strange power we carry within ourselves,” he went on. ”At this moment, for instance, you have the means to reach infinity. If you continue with your needless behaviour, you may succeed in pushing your assemblage point beyond a certain threshold, from which there is no return.”
I understood the peril he was talking about, or rather I had the bodily sensation that I was standing on the brink of an abyss, and that if I leaned forward I would fall into it.
”Your assemblage point moved to heightened awareness,” he continued, ”because I have lent you my energy.”
We ate in silence, very simple food. Don Juan did not allow me to drink coffee or tea.
”While you are using my energy,” he said, ”you're not in your own time. You are in mine. I drink water. [e72]
We were in a small and narrow hall that opened into a spacious living room with a high ceiling and a brick fireplace. Half the room was completely empty, but next to the fireplace was a semicircle of expensive furniture: two large beige couches in the middle, flanked by two armchairs covered in fabric of the same color. There was a heavy, round, solid oak coffee table in the center. Judging from what I was seeing around the house, the people who lived there appeared to be well off, but frugal. And they obviously liked to sit around the fire. [e74]
Don Juan explained to me that ruthlessness, cunning, patience, and sweetness were the essence of stalking. They were the basics that with all their ramifications had to be taught in careful, meticulous steps. [e78]
”Malicious acts are performed by people for personal gain,” he said. ”Sourcerers, though, have an ulterior purpose for their acts, which has nothing to do with personal gain. The fact that they enjoy their acts does not count as gain. Rather, it is a condition of their character. The average man acts only if there is the chance for profit. Warriors say that they act not for profit but for the spirit.” ....
“Unsere handlungen sind durch makellosigkeit bestimmt - wir können dir nicht böse sein oder enttäuscht sein von dir.” [e79] [86f]
He asserted that stalking was the beginning, and that before anything could be attempted on the warrior's path, warriors must learn to stalk; next they must learn to intend, and only then could they move their assemblage point at will. [e80]
“Words are tremendously powerful and important and are the magical property of whoever has them.
“Sorcerers have a rule of thumb: they say that the deeper the assemblage point moves, the greater the feeling that one has knowledge and no words to explain it. Sometimes the assemblage point of average persons can move without a known cause and without their being aware of it, except that they become tongue-tied, confused, and evasive.”
Vicente interrupted and suggested I stay with them a while longer. Don Juan agreed and turned to face me.
”The very first principle of stalking is that a warrior stalks himself,” he said. ”He stalks himself ruthlessly, cunnlingly, patiently, and sweetly.
I wanted to laugh, but he did not give me time. Very succinctly he defined stalking as the art of using behavior in novel ways for specific purposes. He said that normal human behavior in the world of everyday life was routine. Any behavior that broke from routine caused an unusual effect in our total being. That unusual effect was what sorcerers sought, because it was cumulative.
He explained that the sorcerer seers of ancient times, through their seeing, had first noticed that unusual behavior produced a tremor in the assemblage point. They soon discovered that if unusual behavior was practiced systematically and directed wisely, it eventually forced the assemblage point to move.
”The real challange for those sorcerer seers,” don Juan went on, ”was finding a system of behavior that was neither petty nor capricious, but that combined the morality and the sense of beauty which differentiates sorcerer seers from plain witches.”
He stopped talking, and they all looked at me as if searching for signs of fatigue in my eyes or face.
”Anyone who succeeds in moving his assemblage point to a new point is a sorcerer,” don Juan continued. ”And from that new position, he can do all kinds of good and bad things to his fellow men. Being a sorcerer, therefore, can be like being a cobbler or a baker. The quest of sorcerer seers is to go beyond that stand. And to do that, they need morality and beauty.
Für die zauberer, sagte er, sei das pirschen die basis, auf der ihr ganzes tun gründe.
”Some sorcerers object to the term stalking,” he went on, ”but the name came about because it entails surreptitious behavior (aber die bezeichnung kam auf, weil es ein verstohlenes verhalten erfordert).
”It's also called the art of stealth, but that term is equally unfortunate. We ourselves, because of our nonmilitant temperament, call it the art of controlled folly.” [e81f] [88f]
”Sorcerers say that heightened awareness is the portal of intent,” don Juan said. ”And they use it as such. Think about it.” .... I closed my eyes and the answer came to me. I felt it. I did not think it. But I could not put it into words, no matter how hard I tried.
”There, there,” don Juan said, ”you've gotten another sorcerer's answer all by yourself, but you still don't have enough energy to flatten it and turn it into words.” ....
”Thinking and saying exactly what you want to say requires untold amounts of energy,” don Juan said and broke into my feelings. ....
Und noch eine erkenntnis hatte ich an diesem tag - von selbst, ohne jede nachhilfe: dass das natürliche wissen der absicht jedem zugänglich war; dass aber nur diejenigen es beherrschten, die bereit waren, es zu erforschen ....
“Sei nicht überheblich”, sage Don Juan zu mir. Bemühe dich nicht, nach deinem ersten und einzigen erlebnis hochfliegende spekulationen anzustellen. Warte, bis du dein wissen beherrschst, und dann erst entscheide dich!” ....
Er empfahl mir, mich durch den natürlichen schlaf wieder in einen normalen bewusstseinszustand bringen zu lassen. [e84ff] [90ff]


The Descent of the Spirit
Seeing the Spirit
He said that it was imperative that I sit there again, in total darkness, to allow the rock formation and the sorcerer's intent to move my assemblage point. ....
“Bis zu dem augenblick, da der geist herabsteigt, so glauben die zauberer, können wir vor dem geist weglaufen. Danach nicht mehr .... Der vierte abstrakte kern erzählt, wie der geist mit voller wucht herabsteigt”, fuhr er fort. “Der vierte abstrakte kern ist ein akt der offenbarung. Der geist offenbart sich uns. Die zauberer sagen, der geist liegt in einem hinterhalt und stößt herab auf uns, seine beute. Das herabstoßen des geistes, so sagen die zauberer, geschieht immer in verhüllter form. Es geschieht, und doch scheint es überhaupt nicht zu geschehen .... Es gibt eine schwelle, die, wenn sie einmal überschritten ist, keine rückkehr erlaubt” ....
Jeder zauberer, sagte Don Juan, müsse ein klare erinnerung an das überschreiten dieser schwelle haben, um sich stets seine neuen möglichkeiten der wahrnehmung zu vergegenwärtigen. Man müsse kein schüler der zauberei sein, sagte er, um diese schwelle zu erreichen; ein durchschnittsmensch und ein zauberer unterschieden sich einzig darin, was sie aus dieser situation machten. Ein zauberer überschreite die schwelle und nutze die erinnerung daran als bezugspunkt. Ein durchschnittsmensch überschreite die schwelle nicht und gebe sich alle mühe, die ganze sache zu vergessen. ....
“Die zauberer sagen, dass der vierte abstrakte kern sich ereignet, sobald der geist die ketten unserer selbstbetrachtung zerbricht”, sagte er. “Das brechen unserer ketten ist herrlich, aber oft sehr unerwünscht, denn niemand will frei sein.”
The sensation if sliding through a tunnel persisted for a moment longer, and then everything became clear to me. And I began to laugh. Strange insights pent up inside me were exploding into laughter.
Don Juan seemed to be reading my mind as if it were a book.
”What a strange feeling: to realize that everything we think, everything we say depends on the position of the assemblage point,” he remarked.
And that was exactly what I had been thinking and laughing about.
”I know that at this moment your assemblage point has shifted,” he went on, ”and you have understood the secret of our chains, They imprison us, but by keeping us pinned down on our comfortable spot of self-reflection, they defend us from the onslaughts of the unknown.”
I was having one of those extraordinary moments in which everything about the sorcerer's world was crystal clear. I understood everything.
”Once our chains are cut,” don Juan continued, ”we are no longer bound by the concerns of the daily world. We are still in the daily world, but we don't belong to there anymore. In order to belong we must share the concerns of people, and without chains we can't.
Don Juan said that the Nagual Elías had explained to him that what distinguishes normal people is that we share a metaphoric dagger: the concerns of our self-reflection. With this dagger, we cut ourselves and bleed; and the job of our chains of self-reflection is to give us the feeling that we are bleeding together, that we are sharing something wonderful: our humanity. But if we were to examine it, we would discover that we are bleeding alone; that we are not sharing anything; that all we are doing is toying with our manageable, unreal, man-made reflection.
”Sorcerers are no longer in the world of daily affairs,” don Juan went on, ”because they are no longer prey to their self-reflection.” [e87ff] [93ff]
Don Juan commented that women are capable of such a master stroke: they can permanently maintain a new position of their assemblage point. And Talía was peerless. As soon as her chains were broken, she immediately understood everything and complied with the Nagual's design.
Don Juan, recounting the story, said that the Nagual Elías - who was not only a superb dreamer, but also a superb stalker - had seen that the young actor was spoiled and conceited, but only seemed hard and calloused. [e92]
Er sagte ihnen, dass sie beide durch die macht der umstände in eine falle getappt waren, die der geist selbst ihnen gestellt habe .... Und dass es nur auf sie selbst ankäme - auf jeden einzelnen, und beide gemeinsam -, ob sie diese schwelle erreichten, indem sie sich in eine stimmung der gelöstheit, nicht aber der rücksichtslosigkeit versetzten; in eine stimmung der anteilnahme, nicht aber der selbstaufgabe ....
Lange lagen die zwei jungen menschen nebeneinander, ihren eigenen gedanken nachhängend. The fact that their assemblage point had shifted meant that they could think in greater depth than ordinarily, but it also meant that they worried, pondered, and were afraid in equally greater depth. ....
He took in great gulps of air, something he had no memory of having done before (Er atmete in tiefen zügen - etwas, woran er sich kaum noch erinnern konnte). He took the girl's hand and they began to talk without vocalizing. [e94f][99f]
”The cave made your assemblage point move,” don Juan thought, and I heard his thoughts as if they were my own words, voiced to myself.
I sensed a command that was not expressed in thoughts. Something ordered me to look again at the prairie. .... In that cave his benefactor saw the same prairie we had just seen, a vision that gave him the idea of describing the spirit as the flow of things (fluss der dinge).
Don Juan repeated that his benefactor was not a good thinker. Had he been, he would have realized in an instant that what he had seen and described as the flow of things was intent, the force that permeates everything. [e99]
He said that thousands of years ago, by means of seeing sorcerers became aware that the earth was sentient and that its awareness could affect the awareness of humans. They tried to find a way to use the earth's influence on human awareness and they discovered that certain caves were most effective. [e100]
He had explained that normal perception occurs when intent, which is pure energy, lights up a portion of the luminous filaments inside the cocoon, and at the same time brightens a long extension of the same luminous filaments extending into infinity outside our cocoon. Extraordinary perception, seeing, occurs when by the force of intent, a different cluster of energy fields energizes and lights up. He had said that when a crucial number of energy fields are lit up inside the luminous cocoon, a sorcerer is able to see the energy fields themselves.
On another occasion don Juan had recounted the rational thinking of the early sorcerers .... And they had believed they had discovered alignment as the source of awareness .... Seeing these few filaments energized had created a false discovery. The filaments did not need to be aligned to be lit up, because the ones inside out cocoon were the same as those outside. Whatever energized them was definitely an independent force. They felt they could not continue to call it awareness, as they had, because awareness was the glow of the energy fields being lit up. So the force that lit up the fields was named will.
Don Juan had said that when their seeing became still more sophisticated and effective, they realized that will was the force that kept the Eagle's emanations separated and was not only responsible for our awareness, but also for everything in the universe. They saw that this force had total consciousness and that it sprang from the very fields of energy that made the universe. They decided then that intent was a more appropriate name for it than will. In the long run, however, the name proved disadvantageous, because it does not describe its overwhelming importance nor the living connection it has with everything in the universe.
Don Juan had asserted that our great collective flaw is that we live our lives completely disregarding that connection. The busyness of our lives, our relentless interests, concerns, hopes, frustrations, and fears take precedence, and on a day-to-day basis we are unaware of being linked to everything else.
Don Juan had stated his belief that the Christian idea of being cast out from the Garden of Eden sounded to him like an allegory for losing our silent knowledge, our knowledge of intent. Sorcery, then, was going back to the beginning, a return to paradise. ....
In a calm voice don Juan told me that for the very first time in my life I had seen the spirit, the force that sustains the universe. He emphasized that intent is not something one might use or command or move in any way - nevertheless, one could use it, command it, or move it at one's desires. This contradiction, he said, is the essence of sorcery. To fail to understand it had brought generations of sorcerers unimaginable pain and sorrow. Modern-day Naguals, in an effort to avoid paying this exorbitant price in pain, had developed a code of behavior called the warrior's way, or the impeccable action, which prepared sorcerers by enhancing their sobriety and thoughtfulness. [e101ff]
A Nagual has to struggle especially hard because he has more strength, a greater command over the energy fields that determine perception, and more training in and familiarity with the intricacies of silent knowledge, which is nothing but direct contact with intent. ....
He said that if I had to go under it should be fighting, not apologizing or feeling sorry for myself, and that it did not matter what our specific fate was as long as we faced it with ultimate abandon. [e104f]

The Somersault of Thought A warrior, he said, was on permanent guard against the roughness of human behavior. A warrior was magical and ruthless, a maverick with the most refined taste and manners, whose wordly task was to sharpen, yet disguise, his cutting edges so that no one would be able to suspect his ruthlessness. [e106]
“Sorcerers constantly stalk themselves,” he said in a reassuring voice, as if trying to calm me with the sound of his voice .... I told him I had the annoying sensation of being bottled up. I felt there was something locked inside me, something that made me slam doors and kick tables, something that frustrated me and made me irascible.
”That sensation of being bottled up is experienced by every human being,” he said. ”It is a reminder of our existing connection with intent. For sorcerers this sensation is even more acute, precisely because their goal is to sensitize their connecting link until they can make it function at will.
”When the pressure of their connecting link is too great, sorcerers relieve it by stalking themselves.”
”I still don't think I understand what you mean by stalking,” I said. ”But at a certain level I think I know exactly what you mean.”
”I'll try to help you clarify what you know, then,” he said. ”stalking is a procedure, a very simple one. stalking is special behavior that follows certain principles. It is secretive, furtive, deceptive behavior designed to deliver a jolt (Es ist ein geheimnisvolles, verstohlenes, irreführendes verhalten und dazu bestimmt, einen schock zu versetzen). And, when you stalk yourself you jolt yourself, using your own behavior in a ruthless, cunning way.”
Wenn das bewusstsein eines zauberers von der wucht seiner wahrnehmungen bedrückt werde, wie es nun mir widerfuhr, sei es das beste - oder vielleicht sogar das einzige - heilmittel, sagte er, die vorstellung des todes zu nutzen, um sich diesen pirscher-schock zu versetzen.
“Die vorstellung des todes ist darum von unermesslicher bedeutung im leben eines zauberers”, fuhr Don Juan fort. ....
Without a clear view of death, there is no order, no sobriety, no beauty. Sorcerers struggle to gain this crucial insight in order to help them realize at the deepest possible level that they have no assurance whatsoever their lives will continue beyond the moment. That realization gives sorcerers the courage to be patient and yet take action, courage to be acquiescent without being stupid.” ....
”I have been telling you that sorcerers stalk themselves in order to break the power of their obsessions. There are many ways of stalking oneself. If you don't want to use the idea of your death, use the poems you read me to stalk yourself .... I deliver a jolt to myself with them. I listen, and as you read, I shut off my internal dialogue and let my inner silence gain momentum. Then the combination of the poem and the silence delivers the jolt.”
He explained that poets unconsciously long for the sorcerer's world. Because they are not sorcerers in the path of knowledge, longing is all they have.
”Let us see if you can feel what I'm talking about,” he said, handing me a book of poems by José Gorostiza.
I opened it at the bookmark and he pointed to the poem he liked Lineas 699 - 712
¡`Tan-tan! ?`Quién es? Es el Diablo,
es uns espesa fatiga,
un ansia de trasponer
estas lindes enigmas,
este morir incesante,
tenaz, esta muerte viva,
¡`oh Dios! que te está matando
en tus hechuras estrictas,
en las rosas y en las piedras,
en las estrellas ariscas
y en la carne que se gasta
como una hoguera encendida,
por el canto, por el sueño,
por el color de la vista
Lines 699 - 712
Knock, knock! Who's there? The Devil,
a heavy tiredness,
a longing to pass beyond
these enemy lines,
this constant, relentless dying,
this living death, O God,
that is killing You
in Your strict handiwork,
in roses and on stones,
in the bristling stars
and flesh spending itself
like a blazing fire,
through song, through dreams,
through the color of sight Lineas 730 - 740
¡`Tan-tan! ?`Quién es? Es el Diablo,
es una muerte de hormigas
incansables, que pululan
¡`oh Dios! sobre tus astillas;
que acaso te han muerto allá,
siglos de edades arriba,
sin advertirlo nosotros,
migajas, borra, cenizas
de ti, que sigues presente
como una estrella mentida
por su sola luz, por una
luz sin estrella, vacía,
que llega al mundo escondido
su catástrofe infinita
Lines 730 - 740
Knock, knock! Who's there? The Devil,
a death of tireless ants
swarming, O God,
over scraps of You
that may have died yonder
eons of ages ago
without our noticing,
crumbs, lees, ashes
of You, Who still are present
like a star dissembled
by its light alone,
starless, empty light
reaching the world hiding
its infinite catastrophe .... this incessant stubborn dying,
this living death,
that slays you, oh God,
in your rigorous handiwork,
in the roses, in the stones,
in the indomitable stars
and in the flesh thats burns out,
like a bonfire lit by a song,
a dream,
and a hue that hits the eye.
.... and you, yourself,
perhaps have died eternities of ages out there,
without us knowing about it,
we dregs, crumbs, ashes of you;
you that still are present,
like a star faked by its very light,
an empty light without star
that reaches us,
hiding
its infinite catastrophe.
”As I hear the words,” don Juan said when I had finished reading, ”I feel that that man is seeing the essence of things and I can see with him. I don't care what the poem is about. I care only about the feeling the poet's longing brings me. I borrow his longing, and with it I borrow the beauty. And marvel at the fact that he, like a true warrior, lavishes it on the recipients, the beholders, retaining for himself only his longing. This jolt, this shock of beauty, is stalking.” [e108ff] [111ff]
”Sorcerer say death is the only worthy opponent we have,” he replied. ”Death is our challenger. We are born to take that challange, average men or sorcerers. Sorcerers know about it; average men do not.”
”I personally would say, don Juan, life, not death, is the challenge.”
”Life is the process by means of which death challenges us,” he said. ”Death is the active force. Life is the arena. And in that arena there are only two contenders at any time: oneself and death.”
”I would think, don Juan, that we human beings are the challengers,” I said.
”Not at all,” he retorted. ”We are passive. Think about it. If we move, it's only when we feel the pressure of death. Death sets the pace for our actions and feelings and pushes us relentlessly until it breaks us and wins the bout, or else we rise above all possibilities and defeat death.
”Sorcerers defeat death and death acknowledges the defeat by letting the sorcerers go free, never to be challenged again.”
“Does that mean that sorcerers become immortal?”
”No. It doesn't mean that,” he replied. ”Death stops challenging them, that's all.”
“But what does that mean, don Juan?” I asked.
”It means thought has taken a somersault into the inconceivable,” he said. [e112]
He said that as the energy that was ordinarily used to maintain the fixed position of the assemblage point became liberated, it focused automatically on that connecting link. He assured me that there were no techniques or maneuvers for a sorcerer to learn beforehand to move energy from one place to the other. Rather it was a matter of an instantaneous shift taking place once a certain level of proficiency had been attained.
I asked him what the level of proficiency was. Pure understanding, he replied. In order to attain that instantaneous shift of energy, one needed a clear connection with intent, and to get a clear connection one needed only to intend it through pure understanding.
Naturally I wanted him to explain pure understanding. He laughed and sat down on a bench.
”I'm going to tell you something fundamental about sorcerers and their acts of sorcery,” he went on. ”Something about the somersault of their thought into the inconceivable.”
He said that sorcerers were storytellers. Storytelling for them was not only the advance runner that probed their perceptual limits but their path to perfection, to power, to the spirit .... taking an account from the memorable dates .... for example the story of Calixto Muni .... and changing the ending .... instead of .... drawn and quartered by the Spanish .... victorious rebel who succeeded in liberating his people ....
”The sorcerer storyteller who changes the ending of the `factual' account,” he said, ”does it at the direction and under the auspices of the spirit. Because he can manipulate his elusive connection with intent, he can actually change things. The sorcerer storyteller signals that he has intended it by taking off his hat, putting it on the ground, and turning it a full three hundred and sixty degrees counterclockwise. Under the auspices of the spirit, that simple act plunges him into the spirit itself. He has let his thought somersault into the inconceivable .... Because his pure understanding is an advance runner probing that immensity out there,” don Juan went on, ”the sorcerer storyteller knows without a shadow of doubt that somewhere, somehow, in that infinity, at this very moment the spirit has descended. Calixto Muni is victorious. He has delivered his people. His goal has transcended his person.” [e114ff]
Moving the Assemblage Point
”Ruthlessness, the opposite of self-pity .... All sorcerers are ruthless ....” [e117f]
”Bring back the recollection of the first time I taught you ruthlessness,” he urged. ”Recollection has to do with moving the assemblage point.” ....
”I've told you the Nagual is the conduit of the spirit,” he went on. ”Since he spends a lifetime impeccably redefining his connecting link with intent, and since he has more energy than the average man, he can let the spirit express itself through him. So, the first thing the sorcerer apprentice experiences is a shift in his level of awareness, a shift brought about simply by the presence of the Nagual. And what I want you to know is that there really is no procedure involved in making the assemblage point move. The spirit touches the apprentice and his assemblage point moves. It is as simple as that.” [e119]
”What we need to do to allow magic to get hold of us is to banish doubt from our minds,” he said. ”Once doubts are banished, anything is possible.” ....
Whichever, they were the most appropriate means whereby the healer could foster the unity of thought needed to remove doubt from the minds of those present and force them into heightened awareness. ....
It was the spirit, he had said, and not the healer, which had moved those assemblage points. [120ff]
”Of course I insist that everyone around me think clearly,” he said. ”And I explain, to anyone who wants to listen, that the only way to think clearly is to not think at all. I was convinced you understood this sorcerers' contradiction.” ....
“But how do I stop thinking?” I asked, although I knew what he was going to reply.
“By intending the movement of your assemblage point,” he said. “Intent is beckoned with the eyes.” ....
He tried to put me at ease, explaining that my instability was caused by a slight fluctuation of my assemblage point, which had not stabilized in the new position it had reached some years earlier. The fluctuation was the result of leftover feelings of self-pity.
....“The place of no pity is the site of ruthlessness,” he said. “But you know all this. For the time being, though, until you recollect, let's say that ruthlessness, being a specific position of the assemblage point, is shown in the eyes of sorcerers. It's like a shimmering film over the eyes. The eyes of sorcerers are brilliant. The greater the shine, the more ruthless the sorcerer is. At this moment, your eyes are dull.” ....
”Recollecting is not the same as remembering,” he continued. ”Remembering is dictated by the day-to-day type of thinking, while recollecting is dictated by the movement of the assemblage point. A recapitulation of their lives, which sorcerers do, is the key to moving their assemblage points. Sorcerers start their recapitulation by thinking, by remembering the most important acts of their lives. From merely thinking about them they then move on to actually being at the site of the event. When they can do that - be at the site of the event - they have successfully shifted their assemblage point to the precise spot it was when the event took place. Bringing back the total event by means of shifting the assemblage point is known as sorcerer's recollection .... Our assemblage points are constantly shifting,” he explained, ”imperceptible shifts. Sorcerers believe that in order to make their assemblage points shift to precise spots we must engage intent. Since there is no way of knowing what intent is, sorcerers let their eyes beckon it .... Ruthlessness makes sorcerer's eyes shine, and that shine beckons intent. Each spot to which their assemblage points move is indicated by a specific shine of their eyes. Since their eyes have their own memory, they can call up the recollection of any spot by calling up the specific shine associated with that spot.” ....
Contradictory as it might sound, the truth is that the eyes are only superficially connected to the world of everyday life. Their deeper connection is to the abstract. I could not conceive how my eyes could store that sort of information, and I said as much. Don Juan's reply was that man's possibilities are so vast and mysterious that sorcerers, rather than thinking about them, had chosen to explore them, with no hope of ever understanding them. ....
”.... You haven't sufficient energy to explain it, even to yourself.
”The average man knows the same thing about his eyes, but he has even less energy than you. The only advantage sorcerers may have over average men is that they have stored their energy, which means a more precise, clearer connecting link with intent. Naturally, it also means they can recollect at will, using the shine of their eyes to move their assemblage points.” [e123ff]
”Warriors' reasons are very simple, but their finesse is extreme. It is a rare opportunity for a warrior to be given a genuine chance to be impeccable in spite of his basic feelings. You gave me such a unique chance. The act of giving freely and impeccably rejuvenates me and renews my wonder. What I get from our association is indeed of incalculable value to me. I am in your debt.”
His eyes were shining, but without mischievousness, as he peered at me. ....
”After all, the eyes of all living beings can move someone else's assemblage point, especially if their eyes are focused on intent. Under normal conditions, however, people's eyes are focused on the world, looking for food .... looking for shelter ....” [e130]
”Naguals are very misleading,” don Juan went on. ”They always give the impression of something they are not, and they do it so completely that everybody, including those who know them best, believe their masquerade.” [e131]
He said that Naguals masked their ruthlessness automatically, even against their will. ....
”I'm not a rational man,” he continued, looking into my eyes. ”I only appear to be because my mask is so effective. What you perceive as reasonableness is my lack of pity, because that's what ruthlessness is: a total lack of pity. ....
”My benefactor's mask was that of a happy, unruffled man without a care in the world,” don Juan continued. ”But underneath all that he was, like all the Naguals, as cold as the arctic wind.” [e133]

The Place of No Pity Once the assemblage point moved, the total experience was relived. He also told me the best way to assure a complete recollection was to walk around.
And so both of us stood up; walked very slowly and in silence, following a trail in those mountains, until I had recollected everything. [e134]
It was at that point that I felt a sudden uncontrollable urge. It was as if my body were disconnected from my brain. I walked to my car ....
“Welch eine posse hast du dort draußen gespielt, Don Juan?” fragte ich. Und die kälte in meiner stimme überraschte mich.
“Dies war die erste lektion in rücksichtslosigkeit,” sagte er. ....
“Ich mache niemals nur konversation”, sagte Don Juan mit ernster miene. “Das solltest du inzwischen wissen. Heute nachmittag habe ich sorgfältig die situation vorbereitet, damit dein montagepunkt sich in jene position bewegen konnte, wo das mitleid verschwindet. Diese position nennen wir den platz ohne erbarmen.
”The problem that sorcerers have to solve,” he went on, ”is that the place of no pity has to be reached with only minimal help. The Nagual sets the scene, but it is the apprentice who makes his assemblage point move. ....”
He said that everything sorcerers did was done as a consequence of a movement of their assemblage points, and that such movements were ruled by the amount of energy sorcerers had at their command. ....
He then said that sorcerers were the only beings on earth who deliberately went beyond the intuitive level by training themselves to do two transcendental things: first, to conceive the existence of the assemblage point, and second, to make that assemblage point move. ....
Two obviously separate parts were within my being. One was extremely old, at ease, indifferent. It was heavy, dark, and connected to everything else. It was the part of me that did not care, because it was equal to anything. It enjoyed things with no expectation. The other part was light, new, fluffy, agitated. It was nervous, fast. It cared about itself because it was insecure and did not enjoy anything, simply because it lacked the capacity to connect itself to anything. It was alone, on the surface, vulnerable. That was the part with which I looked at the world. [e142ff] [142ff]
He said that when the assemblage point moves and reaches the place of no pity, the position of rationality and common sense becomes weak. The sensation I was having of an older, dark, silent side was a view of the antecedents of reason. ....
”From that position, you can feel the older side of man. And what the older side of man knows is called silent knowledge. It's a knowledge that you cannot yet voice ... Because in order to voice it, it is necessary for you to have and use an inordinate amount of energy,” he replied. ”You don't at this time have that kind of energy to spare.
”Silent knowledge is something that all of us have,” he went on. ”Something that has complete mastery, complete knowledge of everything. But it cannot think, therefore, it cannot speak of what it knows.
”Sorcerers believe that when man became aware that he knew, and wanted to be conscious of what he knew, he lost sight of what he knew. This silent knowledge, which you cannot describe, is, of course, intent - the spirit, the abstract. Man's error was to want to know it directly, the way he knew everyday life. The more he wanted, the more ephemerical it became .... It means that man gave up silent knowledge for the world of reason,” he replied. ”The more he clings to the world of reason, the more ephemeral intent becomes.” [e146f]
”Any movement of the assemblage point is like dying,” he said. ”Everything in us gets disconnected, then reconnected again to a source of much greater power. That amplification of energy is felt as a killing anxiety.”
“What am I to do when this happens?” I asked.
”Nothing,” he said. ”Just wait. The outburst of energy will pass. What's dangerous is not knowing what is happening to you. Once you know, there is no real danger.”
Then he talked about ancient man. He said that ancient man knew, in the most direct fashion, what to do and how best to do it. But, because he performed so well, he started to develop a sense of selfness, which gave him the feeling that he could predict and plan the actions he was used to performing. And thus the idea of an individual ”self” appeared; an individual self which began to dictate the nature and scope of man's actions.
As the feeling of the individual self became stronger, man lost his natural connection to silent knowledge. Modern man, being heir to that development, therefore finds himself so hopelessly removed from the source of everything that all he can do is express his dispair in violent and cynical acts of self-destruction. Don Juan asserted that the reason for man's cynicism and despair is the bit of silent knowledge left in him, which does two things: one, it gives man an inkling of his ancient connection to the source of everything; and two, it makes man feel that without this connection, he has no hope of peace, of satisfaction, of attainment. ....
” .... war, for a warrior, doesn't mean acts of individual or collective stupidity or wanton violence. War, for a worrior, is the total struggle against that individual self that has deprived man of his power.”
Don Juan said then that it was time for us to talk further about ruthlessness - the most basic premise of sorcery. He explained that sorcerers had discovered that any movement of the assemblage point meant a movement away from the excessive concern with that individual self which was the mark of modern man. He went on to say that sorcerers believed it was the possition of the assemblage point which made modern man a homicidal egotist, a being totally involved whith his self-image. Having lost hope of ever returning to the source of everything, man sought solace in his selfness. And, in doing so, he succeeded in fixing his assemblage point in the exact position to perpetuate his self-image. It was therefore safe to say that any movement of the assemblage point away from its customary position resulted in a movement away from man's self-reflection and its concomitant: self-importance.
Don Juan described self-importance as the force generated by man's self-image. He reiterated that it is that force which keeps the assemblage point fixed where it is at present. For this reason, the thrust of the warriors' way is to dethrone self-importance. And everything sorcerers do is toward accomplishing this goal.
He explained that sorcerers had unmasked self-importance and found that it is self-pity masquerading as something else.
”It doesn't sound possible, but that is what it is,” he said. ”Self-pity is the real enemy and the source of man's misery. Without a degree of pity for himself, man could not afford to be as self-important as he is. However, once the force of self-importance is engaged, it develops its own momentum. And it is this seemingly independent nature of self-importance which gives it its fake sense of worth.” [e149ff]
Since it is not possible for him to plan the course of his actions rationally, the Nagual always lets the spirit decide his course. [e151]
”The position of self-reflection,” don Juan went on, ”forces the assemblage point to assemble a world of sham compassion, but of very real cruelty and self-centeredness. In that world the only real feelings are those convenient for the one who feels them.
”For a sorcerer, ruthlessness is not cruelty. Ruthlessness is the opposite of self-pity or self-importance. Ruthlessness is sobriety.” [e154]
The Requirements of intent
Breaking the Mirror of Self-Reflection
He commented on the fact that all animals could detect, in their surroundings, areas with special levels of energy. Most animals were frightened of these spots and avoided them. The exceptions were mountain lions and coyotes, which lay and even slept on such spots whenever they happened upon them. But, only sorcerers deliberately sought such spots for their effects. ....
”Sorcerers watching men travel on foot trails notice right away that men always become tired and rest right on the spot with a positive level of energy. If, on the other hand, they are going through an area with an injurious flow of energy, they become nervous and rush. If you ask them about it they will tell you they rushed through that area because they felt energized. But it is the opposite - the only place that energizes them is the place where they feel tired.” [e157]
”What a Nagual aims at with his apprentices is the shattering of their mirror of self-reflection .... Each of us has a different degree of attachment to his self-reflection,” he went on. ”And that attachment is felt at need. For example, befor I started on the path of knowledge, my life was endless need. And years after the Nagual Julian had taken me under his wing, I was still just as needy, if not more so.
”But there are examples of people, sorcerers or average men, who need no one. They get peace, harmony, laughter, knowledge, directly from the spirit. They need no intermediaries. For you and for me it's different. I'm your intermediary and the Nagual Julian was mine. Intermediaries, besides providing a minimal chance - the awareness of intent - help shatter people's mirrors of self-reflection.
”The only concrete help you ever get from me is that I attack your self-reflection. If it weren't for that, you would be wasting your time ....”
”I've taught you all kinds of things in order to trap your attention,” he said. ”You'll swear, though, that that teaching has been the important part. It hasn't. There is very little value in instruction. Sorcerers maintain that moving the assemblage point is all that matters. And that movement, as you well know, depends on increased energy and not on instruction.”
He then made an incongruous statement. He said that any human being who would follow a specific and simple sequence of actions can learn to move his assemblage point.
I pointed out that he was contradicting himself. To me, a sequence of actions meant instructions; it meant procedures.
”In the sorcerers' world there are only contradictions of terms,” he replied. ”In practice there are no contradictions. The sequence of actions I am talking about is one that stems from being aware. To become aware of this sequence you need a Nagual. This is why I've said that the Nagual provides a minimal chance, but that minimal chance is not instruction, like the instruction you need to learn to operate a machine. The minimal chance consists of being made aware of the spirit.”
He explained that the specific sequence he had in mind called for being aware that self-importance is the force which keeps the assemblage point fixed. When self-importance is curtailed, the energy it requires is no longer expended. That increased energy then serves as the springboard that launches the assemblage point, automatically and without premeditation, into an inconceivable journey.
Once the assemblage point has moved, the movement itself entails moving from self-reflection, and this, in turn, assures a clear connecting link with the spirit. He commented that, after all, it was self-reflection that had disconnected man from the spirit in the first place.
”As I have already said to you,” don Juan went on, ”sorcery is a journey of return. We return victorious to the spirit, having descended into hell. And from hell we bring trophies. Understanding is one of our trophies ....
”Our difficulty with this simple progression,” he said, ”is that most of us are unwilling to accept that we need so little to get on with. We are geared to expect instruction, teaching, guides, masters. And when we are told that we need no one, we don't believe it. We become nervous, then distrustful, and finally angry and disappointed. If we need help, it is not in methods, but in emphasis. If someone makes us aware that we need to curtail our self-importance, that help is real. ....
”The Nagual's presence is enough to move the assemblage point. I have humored you all along with the Nagual's blow. The blow between the shoulder blades that I have delivered is only a pacifier. It serves the purpose of removing your doubts. Sorcerers use physical contact as a jolt to the body. It doesn't do anything but give confidence to the apprentice who is being manipulated .... [Dieser schlag zwischen die schulterblätter ist nur ein beruhigungsmittel für die zweifler. Er soll helfen, die zweifel zu beseitigen. Die zauberer nutzen den physischen kontakt, um dem lehrling, der manipuliert werden soll, vertrauen einzuflößen]
”I have insisted to the point of exhaustion that there are no procedures in sorcery,” he went on. ”There are no methods, no steps. The only thing that matters is the movement of the assemblage point. And no procedure can cause that. It's an effect that happens all by itself.” [e158ff] [155ff]
”The spirit can move the assemblage point with the mere presence of an impeccable Nagual.” [e162]
Don Juan noted that in this area it was important to realize the practical value of the different ways in which the Naguals masked their ruthlessness. He said my mask of generosity, for example, was adequate for dealing with people on a shallow level, but useless for shattering their self-reflection because it forced me to demand an almost impossible decision on their part. I expected them to jump into te sorcerers' world without any preparation.
”A decision such as that jump must be prepared for,” he went on. ”And in order to prepare for it, any kind of mask for a Naguals ruthlessness will do, except the mask of generosity.” [e163]
I must have appeared skeptical to don Juan, for he explained that the world of our self-reflection or of our mind was very flimsy and was held together by a few key ideas that served as its underlying order. When those ideas failed, the underlying order ceased to function.
“What are those key ideas, don Juan?” I asked.
”In your case, in that particular instance, as in the case of the audience of that healer we talked about, continuity was the key idea,” he replied.
“What is continuity?” I asked.
”The idea that we are a solid block,” he said. ”In our minds, what sustains our world is the certainty that we are unchangeable. We may accept that our behavior can be modified, that our reactions and opinions can be modified, but the idea that we are malleable to the point of changing appearances, to the point of being someone else, is not part of the underlying order of our self-reflection. Whenever a sorcerer interrupts that order, the world of reason stops.” [e164]
What helped the assemblage point move was the Nagual's ruthlessness. ....
He reminded me that he had described to me in the past the concept of stopping the world. He had said that stopping the world was as necessary for sorcerers as reading and writing was for me. It consisted of introducing a dissonant element into the fabric of everyday behavior for purposes of halting the otherwise smooth flow of ordinary events - events which were catalogued in our minds by our reason.
The dissonant elements was called ”not-doing,” or the opposite of doing. ”Doing” was anything that was part of a whole for which we had a cognitive account. Not-doing was an element that did not belong in that charted whole.
”Sorcerers, because they are stalkers, understand human behavior to perfection,” he said. ”They understand, for instance, that human beings are creatures of inventory. Knowing the ins and outs of a particular inventory is what makes a man a scholar or an expert in his field.
”Sorcerers know that when an average person's inventory fails, the person either enlarges his inventory or his world of self-reflection collapses. The average person is willing to incorporate new items into his inventory if they don't contradict the inventory's underlying order. But if the items contradict that order, the person's mind collapses. The inventory is the mind. Sorcerers count on this when they attempt to break the mirror of self-reflection.” ....
My ruthlessness, controlled by my eyes, made my own assemblage point move. ....
”The only way of talking about it is to say that intent is intended with the eyes,” he said. ”I know that it is so. Yet, just like you, I can't pinpoint what it is I know. Sorcerers resolve this particular difficulty by accepting something extremely obvious: human beings are infinitely more complex and mysterious than our wildest fantasies .... All I can say is that the eyes do it,” he said cuttingly. ”I don't know how, but they do it. They summon intent with something indefinable that they have, something in their shine. Sorcerers say that intent is experienced with the eyes, not with the reason.” ....
”I've told you over and over that being too rational is a handicap,” he said. ”Human beings have a very deep sense of magic. We are part of the mysterious. Rationality is only a veneer with us. If we scratch that surface, we find a sorcerer underneath.” [e165ff]
.... my assemblage point reached the place of no pity when I became enraged at his senile behavior. Or perhaps it had been the opposite: I became enraged because my assemblage point had reached the place of no pity. It did not really matter. What counted was that my assemblage point did arrive there.
Once it was there, my own behavior changed markedly. I became cold and calculating and indifferent to my personal safety. [e168]

The Ticket to Impeccability ”I am the Nagual Julian,” his host said, smiling. ”Without my intervention, there is no way to freedom.” [e176]
As time passed, the nature of leadership and authority among them became evident to don Juan. He was surprised and somehow delighted to realize that no one was better or higher than another. Some of them performed functions of which the others were incapable, but that did not make them superior. It simply made them different. However, the ultimate decision in everything was automatically the Nagual Julian's, and he apparently took great pleasure in expressing his decisions in the form of bestial jokes he played on everyone. [e180]
”My benefactor knew what direction my life would take once I was no longer under his influence. So he struggled to give me as many sorcerers' options as possible. Those sorcerers' options were to be my silent protectors.”
“What are sorcerers' options?” I asked.
”Positions of the assemblage point,” he replied, ”the infinite number of positions which the assemblage point can reach. In each and every one of those shallow or deep shifts, a sorcerer can strengthen his new continuity.” ....
”The effect of those shifts of the assemblage point is cumulative,” he continued. ”It weighs on you whether you understand it or not. That accumulation worked for me, at the end.” [e185]
Don Juan said that when he arrived at Mazatlán he was practically a seasoned muleteer, and was offered a permanent job running a mule train. He was very satisfied with the arrangements. The idea that he would be making the trip between Durango and Mazatlán pleased him no end. There were two things, however, that bothered him: first, that he had not yet been with a woman, and second, a strong but unexplainable urge to go north. He did not know why. He knew only that somewhere to the north something was waiting for him. The feeling persisted so strongly that in the end he was forced to refuse the security of a permanent job so he could travel north.
His superior strength and a new and unaccountable cunning enabled him to find jobs even where there were none to be had, as he steadily worked his way north to the state of Sinaloa. And there his journey ended. He met a young widow, like himself a Yaqui Indian, who had been the wife of a man to whom don Juan was indebted.
He attempted to repay his indebtedness by helping the widow and her children, and without being aware of it, he fell into the role of husband and father.
His new responsibilities put a great burden on him. He lost his freedom of movement and even his urge to journey farther north. He felt compensated for that loss, however, by the profound affection he felt for the woman and her children.
”I experienced moments of sublime happiness as a husband and father,” don Juan said. ”But it was at those moments when I first noticed that something was terribly wrong. I realized that I was losing the feeling of detachment, the aloofness I had acquired during my time in the Nagual Julian's house. Now I found myself identifying with the people who surrounded me.”
Don Juan said that it took about a year of unrelenting abrasion to make him lose every vestige of the new personality he had acquired at the Nagual's house. He had begun with a profound yet aloof affection for the woman and her children. This detached affection allowed him to play the role of husband and father with abandon and gusto. As time went by, his detached affection turned into a desperate passion that made him lose his effectiveness.
Gone was his feeling of detachment, which was what had given him the power to love. Without that detachment, he had only mundane needs, desperation, and hopelessness: the distinctive features of the world of everyday life. Gone was his enterprise. During his years at the Nagual's house, he had acquired a dynamism that had served him well when he set out on his own.
But the most draining pain was knowing that his physical energy had waned. Without actually being in ill health, one day he became totally paralyzed. He did not feel pain. He did not panic. It was as if his body had understood that he would get the peace and quiet he so desperately needed only if it ceased to move.
As he lay helpless in bed, he did nothing but think. And he came to realize that he had failed because he did not have an abstract purpose. He knew that the people in the Nagual's house were extraordinary because they pursued freedom as their abstract purpose. He did not understand what freedom was, but he knew that it was the opposite of his own concrete needs.
His lack of an abstract purpose had made him so weak and ineffective that he was incapable of rescuing his adopted family from their abysmal poverty. Instead, they had pulled him back to the very misery, sadness, and despair which he himself had known prior to encountering the Nagual.
As he reviewed his life, he became aware that the only time he had not been poor and had not had concrete needs was during his years with the Nagual. Powerty was the state of being that had reclaimed him when his concrete needs overpowered him. ....
When the pressure of his physical helplessness seemed unendurable, his paralysis ended as mysteriously as it had begun. One day he simply got out of bed and went to work. But his luck did not get any better. He could hardly make ends meet.
Another year passed. He did not prosper, but there was one thing in which he succeeded beyond his expectations: he made a total recapitulation of his life. ....
”Dont wish for it.” his benefactor had said. ”Just wait until it comes. Don't try to imagine what death is like. Just be there to be caught in its flow.” ....
They yelled and laughed until the foreman, fearing that they would riot, fired don Juan.
A wild rage overwhelmed don Juan's sense of sobriety and caution. He knew that he had been wronged .... He raged against himself. He raged until all his anger was spent ....
”The foreman felt sorry for me and came over to give me a word of advice. He thought I was weeping for myself. He couldn't have possibly known that I was weeping for the spirit.”
Don Juan said that a silent protector came to him after his rage was spent. It was in the form of an unaccountable surge of energy that left him with the clear feeling that his death was imminent. He knew that he was not going to have time to see his adopted family again. He apologized to them in a loud voice for not having had the fortitude and wisdom necessary to deliver them from their hell on earth. ....
”I knelt and faced the southeast. I thanked my benefactor again and told the spirit I was ashamed. So ashamed. And with my last breath I said goodbye to a world which could have been wonderful if I had had wisdom. An immense wave came for me then. I felt it, first. Then I heard it, and finally I saw it coming for me from the southeast, over the fields. It overtook me and its blackness covered me. And the light of my life was gone. My hell had ended. I was finally dead! I was finally free!” ....
”The sorcerers' struggle for assuredness is the most dramatic struggle there is,” don Juan said. ”It's painful and costly. Many, many times it has actually cost sorcerers their lives.”
He explained that in order for any sorcerer to have complete certainty about his actions, or about his position in the sorcerers' world, or to be capable of utilizing intelligently his new continuity, he must invalidate the continuity of his old life. Only then can his actions have the necessary assuredness to fortify and balance the tenuousness and instability of his new continuity.
”The sorcerer seers of modern times call this process of invalidation the ticket to impeccability, or the sorcerer's symbolic but final death .... I died in that field,” he said. ”I felt my awareness flowing out of me and heading toward the Eagle. But as I had impeccably recapitulated my life, the Eagle did not swallow my awareness. The Eagle spat me out. Because my body was dead in the field, the Eagle did not let me go through to freedom. It was as if it told me to go back and try again.
”I ascended the heights of blackness and descended again to the light of the earth. And then I found myself in a shallow grave at the edge of the field, covered with rocks and dirt.” ....
He wanted to explain [to his family] that his downfall had been not knowing that sorcerers can never make a bridge to join the people of the world. But, if people desire to do so, they have to make a bridge to join sorcerers. ....
”My family disappeared that day,” he said. ”My wife was a survivor. She had to be, with the conditions we lived under. Since I had been waiting for my death, she believed I had gotten what I wanted. There was nothing for her to do there, so she left.
”I missed my children and I consoled myself with the thought that it wasn't my fate to be with them. However, sorcerers have a peculiar bent. They live exclusively in the twilight of a feeling best described by the words `and yet ...' When everything is crumbling down around them, sorcerers accept that the situation is terrible, and then immediately escape to the twilight of `and yet ....'
”I did that with my feelings for those children and the woman. With great discipline - especially on the part of the oldest boy - they had recapitulated their lives with me. Only the spirit could decide the outcome of that affection.”
He reminded me that he had taught me how warriors acted in such situations. They did their utmost, and then, without any remorse or regrets, they relaxed and let the spirit decide the outcome. ....
“Did you go and look for them, don Juan?” I asked.
”No. Sorcerers never look for anyone,” he replied. ”And I was a sorcerer. I had paid with my life for the mistake of not knowing I was a sorcerer, and that sorcerers never approach anyone.
”From that day on, I have only accepted the company or the care of people or warriors who are dead, as I am.” ....
”You are dead,” he said. ”The sorcerers' grand trick, however, is to be aware that they are dead. Their ticket to impeccability must be wrapped in awareness. In that wrapping, sorcerers say, their ticket is kept in mint condition.
”For sixty years, I've kept mine in mint condition.” [e186ff]

Handling (Intent)
The Third Point
I knew everything he was telling me. I remarked that I did not really need anything explained, and he said that explanations were never wasted, because they were imprinted in us for immediate or later use or to help prepare our way to reaching silent knowledge.
When I asked him to talk about silent knowledge in more detail, he quickly responded that silent knowledge was a general position of the assemblage point, that ages ago it had been man's normal position, but that, for reasons which would be impossible to determine, man's assemblage point had moved away from that specific location and adopted a new one called ”reason”.
Don Juan remarked that not every human being was a representative of this new position. The assemblage points of the majority of us were not placed squarely on the location of reason itself, but in its immediate vicinity. The same thing had been the case with silent knowledge: not everey human being's assemblage point had been squarely on that location either.
He also said that ”the place of no pity,” being another position of the assemblage point, was the forerunner of silent knowledge, and that yet another position of the assemblage point called ”the place of concern,” was the forerunner of reason. [e198f]
“What do you mean, the jaguar reading our thoughts?” I asked.
”That is no metaphorical statement,” he said. ”I mean what I say. Big animals like that have the capacity to read thoughts. And I don't mean guess. I mean that they know everything directly.” ....
”A better but less rational choice is to zigzag.” ....
“Are there any other choices beside zigzagging?” I asked.
”There are only rational choices,” he said. ”And we don't have all the equipment we need to back up rational choices. For example, we can head for the high ground, but we would need a gun to hold it.
”We must match the jaguar's choices. Those choices are dictated by silent knowledge. We must do what silent knowledge tells us, regardless of how unreasonable it may seem.” [e201f]
He added that at certain times it was the spirit, and not our reason, which decided on our stories. [e205]
”Don't worry,” he said. ”Death is painful only when it happens in one's bed, in sickness. In a fight for your life, you feel no pain. If you feel anything, it's exultation.”
He said that one of the most dramatic differences between civilized men and sorcerers was the way in which death came to them. Only with sorcerer-warriors was death kind and sweet. They could be mortally wounded and yet would feel no pain. And what was even more extraordinary was that death held itself in abeyance for as long as the sorcerer needed it to do so.
”The greatest difference between an average man and a sorcerer is that a sorcerer commands his death with his speed,” don Juan went on. ”If it comes to that, the jaguar will not eat me. He'll eat you, because you don't have the speed to hold back your death.”
He then elaborated on the intricacies of the sorcerers' idea of speed and death. He said that in the world of everyday life our word or our decisions could be reversed very easily. The only irrevocable thing in our world was death. In the sorcerers' world, on the other hand, normal death could be countermanded, but not the sorcerers' word. In the sorcerers' world decisions could not be changed or revised. Once they had been made, they stood forever. ....
In a millisecond they could move their assemblage points to any place in their luminous mass. That movement and the speed with which it was performed entailed an instantaneous shift into the perception of another totally different universe. Or they could move their assemblage points, without stopping, across their entire fields of luminous energy. The force created by such movement was so intense that it instantly consumed their whole luminous mass.
He said that if a rockslide were to come crashing down on us at that precise moment, he would be able to cancel the normal effect of an accidental death. By using the speed with which his assemblage point would move, he could make himself change universes or make himself burn from within in a fraction of a second. I, on the other hand, would die a normal death, crushed by the rocks, because my assemblage point lacked the speed to pull me out. [e206ff]
”He can't think, he only knows.”
Don Juan said that our dust-raising maneuver was to confuse the jaguar by giving him sensory input on something for which he had no use. We could not develop a real feeling for raising dust though our lives depended on it. ....
Don Juan explained that human feelings were like hot or cold currents of air and could easily be detected by a beast .... the jaguar could read any feelings that had a history of use for us. In the case of the dust-raising maneuver, the feeling we had about it was so out of the ordinary that it could only create a vacuum in the receiver. ....
”Raise a cloud of dust with your feet,” he ordered me. ”Feel huge and heavy.” ....
He said that men of antiquity became legendary because they knew by silent knowledge about the power to be obtained by moving the assemblage point. On a reduced scale sorcerers had recaptured that old power. With a movement of their assemblage points they could manipulate their feelings and change things. I was changing things by feeling big and ferocious. Feelings processed in that fashion were called intent.
”Your assemblage point has already moved quite a bit,” he went on. ”Now you are in the position of either losing your gain or making your assemblage point move beyond the place where it is now.”
He said that possibly every human being under normal living conditions had had at one time or another the opportunity to break away from the bindings of convention. He stressed that he did not mean social convention, but the conventions binding our perception. A moment of elation would suffice to move our assemblage points and break our conventions. So, too, a moment of fright, ill health, anger, or grief. But ordinarily, whenever we had the chance to move our assemblage points we became frightened. Our religious, academic, social backgrounds would come into play. They would assure our safe return to the flock; the return of our assemblage points to the prescribed position of normal living. [e209f]
My reasoning faculties ceased to function. Literally, I felt as though a dark blanket had covered me and obscured my thoughts. And I let go of my reason with the abandon of one who doesn't have a worry in the world. I was convinced that if I wanted to dispel the obscuring blanket, all I had to do was feel myself breaking through it. [e211]
“But would people see what I see when my assemblage point moves?” I insisted.
”No, because their assemblage points won't be in the same place as yours,” he replied.
“Then, don Juan, did I dream the jaguar?” I asked. ”Did all of it happen only in my mind?”
”Not quite,” he said. ”That big cat is real. You have moved miles and you are not even tired. If you are in doubt, look at your shoes. The are full of cactus spines. So you did move, looming over the shrubs. And at the same time you didn't. It depends on whether one's assemblage point is on the place of reason ot on the place of silent knowledge.” [e214]
He insisted that for a movement of my assemblage point to make sense, I would need to have energy to fluctuate from the place of reason to the place of silent knowledge. [e216]
He repeated that I needed more time and more energy to make sense of everything. I was too new; I still required a great deal of supervision. For instance, while I was looming over the shrubs, he had to make his assemblage point fluctuate rapidly between the places of reason and silent knowledge to take care of me. And that had exhausted him. [e217]
”The idea of the abstract, the spirit, is the only residue that is important. The idea of the personal self has no value whatsoever. You still put yourself and your own feelings first. Every time I've had the chance, I have made you aware of the need to abstract. You have always believed that I meant to think abstractly. No. To abstract means to make yourself available to the spirit by being aware of it.”
He said that one of the most dramatic things about the human condition was the macabre connection between stupidity and self-reflection.
It was stupidity that forced us to discard anything that did not conform with our self-reflective expectations. For example, as average men, we were blind to the most crucial piece of knowledge available to a human being: the existence of the assemblage point and the fact that it could move .... He ignored, for instance, the fact that sorcery was not incantations and hocus-pocus, but the freedom to perceive not only the world taken for granted, but everything else that was humanly possible.
”Here is where the average man's stupidity is most dangerous,” he continued. ”He is afraid of sorcery. He trembles at the possibility of freedom. And freedom is at his fingertips. It's called the third point. And it can be reached as easily as the assemblage point can be made to move.”
”But you yourself told me that moving the assemblage point is so difficult that it is a true accomplishment,” I protested.
”It is,” he assured me. ”This is another of the sorcerers' contradictions: it is very difficult and yet it's the simplest thing in the world. I've told you already that a high fever could move the assemblage point. Hunger or fear or love or hate could do it; mysticism too, and also unbending intent, which is the preferred method of sorcerers.”
I asked him again what unbending intent was. He said that it was a sort of single-mindedness human beings exhibit; an extremely well-defined purpose not countermanded by any conflicting interests or desires [Es sei eine entschlossenheit, sagte er, wie manche leute sie zeigten. Eine zielstrebigkeit, ungehemmt durch widersprüchliche wünsche und interessen]; unbending intent was also the force engendered when the assemblage point was maintained fixed in a position which was not the usual one.
Don Juan then made a meaningful distinction - which had eluded me all these years - between a movement and a shift of the assemblage point. A movement, he said, was a profound change of position, so extreme that the assemblage point might even reach other bands of energy within our total luminous mass of energy fields. Each band of energy represented a completely different universe to be perceived. A shift, however, was a small movement within the band of energy fields we perceived as the world of everyday life.
He went on to say that sorcerers saw unbending intent as the catalyst to trigger their unchangeable decisions, or as the converse: their unchangeable decisions were the catalyst that propelled their assemblage points to new positions, positions which in turn generated unbending intent. [e218ff] [207ff]
I followed the course of my own questions and answers for a while, until finally I realized it did not matter that I silently knew the answers; answers had to be verbalized to be of any value. ....
”Only sorcerers turn their feelings into intent,” he said. ”Intent is the spirit, so it is the spirit which moves their assemblage points.
”The misleading part of all this,” he went on, ”is that I am saying only sorcerers know about the spirit, that intent is the exclusive domain of sorcerers. This is not true at all, but it is the situation in the realm of practicality. The real condition is that sorcerers are more aware of their connection with the spirit than the average man and strive to manipulate it. That's all. I've already told you, the connecting link with intent is the universal feature shared by everything there is.”
Two or three times, don Juan seemed about to start to add something. He vacillated, apparently trying to choose his words. Finally he said that being in two places at once was a milestone sorcerers used to mark the moment the assemblage point reached the place of silent knowledge. Split perception, if accomplished by one's own means, was called the free movement of the assemblage point.
He assured me that every Nagual consistently did everything within his power to encourage the free movement of his apprentices' assemblage points. This all-out effort was cryptically called ”reaching out for the third point.”
”The most difficult aspect of the Nagual's knowledge,” don Juan went on, ”and certainly the most crucial part of his task is that of reaching out for the third point - the Nagual intends that free movement, and the spirit channels to the Nagual the means to accomplish it. I had never intended anything of that sort until you came along. Therefore, I had never fully appreciated my benefactor's gigantic effort to intend it for me. .... The third point of reference is freedom of perception; it is intent; it is the spirit; the somersault of thought into the miraculous; the act of reaching beyond our boundaries and touching the inconceivable.” [e223f]

The Two One-Way Bridges Don Juan erklärte mir, dass ich mit der welt der zauberer noch nicht vertraut sei. Und dies sei mein nachteil. Denn in dieser welt müsse ich jederzeit neue beziehungen mit allem und jedem eingehen. Dies sei umso schwerer, als es nichts mit der kontinuität meines alltagslebens zu tun habe. [215]
He described the specific problem of sorcerers as twofold. One is the impossibility of restoring a shattered continuity; the other is the impossibility of using the continuity dictated by the new position of their assemblage points. That new continuity is always too tenuous, too instable, and does not offer sorcerers the assuredness they need to function as if they were in the world of everyday life.
“How do sorcerers resolve this problem?” I asked.
“None of us resolves anything,” he replied. “The spirit either resolves it for us or it doesn't. If it does, a sorcerer finds himself acting in the sorcerers' world, but without knowing how. This is the reason why I have insisted from the day I found you that impeccability is all that counts. A sorcerer lives an impeccable life, and that seems to beckon the solution. Why? Now one knows.” ....
”Impeccability, as I have told you so many times, is not morality,” he said. ”It only resembles morality. Impeccability is simply the best use of our energy level. Naturally, it calls for frugality, thoughfulness, simplicity, innocence; and above all, it calls for lack of self-reflection. All this makes it sound like a manual for monastic life, but it isn't.
”Sorcerers say that in order to command the spirit, and by that they mean to command the movement of the assemblage point, one needs energy. The only thing that stores energy for us is our impeccability.”
Don Juan remarked that we do not have to be students of sorcery to move our assemblage point. Sometimes, due to natural although dramatic circumstances, such as war, deprivation, stress, fatigue, sorrow, helplessness, men's assemblage points undergo profound movements. If the men who found themselves in such circumstances were able to adopt a sorcerer's ideology, don Juan said, they would be able to maximize the natural movement with no trouble. And they would seek and find extraordinary things instead of doing what men do in such circumstances: craving the return to normalcy.
”When a movement of the assemblage point is maximized,” he went on, ”both the average man or the apprentice in sorcery becomes a sorcerer, because by maximizing that movement, continuity is shattered beyond repair.”
“How do you maximize that movement?” I asked.
”By curtailing self-reflection,” he replied. ”Moving the assemblage point or breaking one's continuity is not the real difficulty. The real difficulty is having energy. If one has energy, once the assemblage point moves, inconceivable things are there for the asking.”
Don Juan explained that man's predicament is that he intuits his hidden resources, but he does not dare use them. This is why sorcerers say that man's plight is the counterpoint between his stupidity and his ignorance. He said that man needs now, more so than ever, to be taught new ideas that have to do exclusively with his inner world - sorcerers' ideas, not social ideas, ideas pertaining to man facing the unknown, facing his personal death. Now, more than anything else, he needs to be taught the secrets of the assemblage point. [e227ff] [215f]
Aber der Nagual Julian ließ sich nicht beirren durch Don Juans mangelndes vertrauen. Er tat so, als ob Don Juan ihm glaubte .... [e230] [217]
Don Juan remarked that in those days, before the mexican revolution, the Nagual Julian and the seven women of his group passed themselves off as the wealthy owners of a large hazienda. Nobody ever doubted their image, especially the Nagual Julian's, a rich and handsome landholder who had set aside his earnest desire to pursue an ecclesiastical career in order to care for his seven unmarried sisters. ....
The Nagual Julian rode his horse while don Juan trotted respectfully behind, as was their custom in case they met any of their neighbours; as far as the neighbours knew, don Juan was the landlord's personal servant. [e231]
”The Nagual Julian was devilish, but not crazy. He did what he had to do in his role as Nagual and teacher. It's true that I could have died. But that's a risk we all have to take.” [e236]
First, the Nagual Elías explained to don Juan that sound and the meaning of words were of supreme importance to stalkers. Words were used by them as keys to open anything that was closed. Stalkers, therefore, had to state their aim before attempting to achieve it. But they could not reveal their true aim at the outset, so they had to word things carefully to conceal the main thrust.
The Nagual Elías called this act waking up intent ....
The old Nagual explained that the position of silent knowledge was called the third point because in order to get to it one has to pass the second point, the place of no pity.
He said that dom Juan's assemblage point had acquired sufficient fluidity for him to be double, which had allowed him to be in both the place of reason and in the place of silent knowledge, either alternatively or at the same time. [e237f]
The old Nagual went on to explain that humanity was on the first point, reason, but that not every human being's assemblage point was squarely on the position of reason. Those who were on the spot itself were the true leaders of mankind. Most of the time they were unknown people whose genius was the exercising of their reason.
The Nagual said there had been another time, when mankind had been on the third point, which, of course, had been the first point then. But after that, mankind moved to the point of reason.
When silent knowledge was the first point the same condition prevailed. Not every human being's assemblage point was squarely on that position either. This meant that the true leaders of mankind had always been the few human beings whose assemblage points happened to be either on the exact point of reason or of silent knowledge. The rest of humanity, the old Nagual told don Juan, was merely the audience. In our day, they were the lovers of reason. In the past, they had been the lovers of silent knowledge. They were the ones who had admired and sung odes to the heroes of either position.
The Nagual stated that mankind had spent the longer part of its history in the position of silent knowledge, and that this explained our great longing for it ....
The Nagual Elías assured don Juan that only a human being who was a paragon of reason could move his assemblage point easily and be a paragon of silent knowledge. He said that only those who were squarely in either position could see the other position clearly, and that that had been the way the age of reason came to being. The position of reason was clearly seen from the position of silent knowledge.
The old Nagual told don Juan that the one-way bridge from silent knowledge to reason was called ”concern.” That is, the concern that true men of silent knowledge had about the source of what they knew. And the other one-way bridge, from reason to silent knowledge, was called ”pure understanding.” That is, the recognition that told the man of reason that reason was only one island in an endless sea of islands.
The Nagual added that a human being who had both one-way bridges working was a sorcerer in direct contact with the spirit, the vital force that made both perceptions possible. He pointed out to don Juan that everything the Nagual Julian had done that day at the river had been a show, not for a human audience, but for the spirit, the force that was watching him. He pranced and frolicked with abandon and entertained everybody, especially the power he was addressing.
Don Juan said that the Nagual Elías assured him that the spirit only listened when the speaker speaks in gestures. And gestures do not mean signs or body movements, but acts of true abandon, acts of largesse, of humor. As a gesture for the spirit, sorcerers bring out the best of themselves and silently offer it to the abstract. [e239ff]
He told me that sorcerers counted their lives in hours, and that in one hour it was possible for a sorcerer to live the equivalent in intensity of a normal life. This intensity is an advantage when it comes to storing information in the movement of the assemblage point. ....
”Some day you'll relive this moment by making your assemblage point return to the precise spot where it is now. That is the way sorcerers store information.” ....
“Wie kann man sich absichtlich erinnern?” fragte ich.
“Intensität ist ja eine eigenschaft der absicht. Darum ist sie mit dem leuchten in den augen der zauberer verbunden”, erklärte er. ”In order to recall those isolated islands of perception sorcerers need only intend the particular shine of their eyes associated with whichever spot they want to return to .... Because his intensity rate is greater than normal”, don Juan said, ”in a few hours a sorcerer can live the equivalent of a normal lifetime. His assemblage point, by shifting to an unfamiliar position, takes in more energy than usual. That extra flow of energy is called intensity.” [e242f] [227ff]
“Die erfahrungen der zauberei sind so befremdlich”, fuhr Don Juan fort, “dass die zauberer sie - als intelektuelle übung - benutzen, um sich damit selbst anzupirschen. Aber ihre trumpfkarte als pirscher ist, sich stets bewusst zu bleiben, dass wir wahrnehmende wesen sind und dass die wahrnehmung mehr möglichkeiten enthält, als unser verstand sich vorstellen kann .... Um sich vor so etwas ungeheuerlichem zu schützen,” sagte Don Juan, “lernen die zauberer, eine vollkommen ausgewogene mischung von rücksichtslosigkeit, list, geduld und sanftheit einzuhalten. Diese vier elemente gehören untrennbar zusammen. Die zauberer kultivieren sie, indem sie sie beabsichtigen. Diese elemente sind natürliche positionen des montagepunkts.”
Jede tat eines zauberers, so sagte er, sei per definitionem durch diese vier grundprinzipien bestimmt. ....
“Die zauberer nutzen die vier stimmungen des pirschens als wegweiser”, fuhr er fort. “Es sind vier verschiedene geisteshaltungen, vier verschiedene intensitätsgrade, die der zauberer nutzen kann, um seinen montagepunkt nach bestimmten positionen in bewegung zu setzen.”
Plötzlich wirkte Don Juan beunruhigt. Ich fragte ihn, ob mein beharrliches spekulieren ihm lästig sei.
“Ich habe mir nur überlegt, wie unsere rationalität uns doch zwischen hammer und amboss bringt”, sagte er. “Wir haben stets die neigung, zu grübeln und zu fragen und herauszufinden. Und dies ist in der praxis der zauberei unmöglich. Sorcery is the act of reaching the place of silent knowledge, and silent knowledge can't be reasoned out. It can only be experienced.”
Er lächelte, und seine augen leuchteten wie zwei lichtpunkte.
Die zauberer, sagte er, hätten in ihrem bemühen, sich vor der überwältigenden wirkung des stillen wissens zu schützen, die kunst des pirschens entwickelt. Das pirschen bewegt den montagepunkt langsam, aber stetig. Damit gibt es den zauberern zeit - und mithin die möglichkeit, sich zu wappnen.
“Innerhalb der kunst des pirschens”, fuhr Don Juna fort, “gibt es eine technik, welche die zauberer oft anwenden: die kontrollierte torheit. Die zauberer behaupten, dass kontrollierte torheit die einzige möglichkeit ist, wie sie - im zustand gesteigerter bewusstheit und wahrnehmung - mit sich selbst umgehen können; und auch mit allem und jedem in der welt des alltags.”
Diese kontrollierte torheit hatte Don Juan mir als kunst der kontrollierten täuschung erklärt, bei der man so tut, als sei man ganz und gar in sein jeweiliges vorhaben vertieft. Und dies so täuschend echt, dass niemand wahr und falsch unterscheiden kann. Controlled folly is not an outright deception, he had told me, but a sophisticated, artistic way of being separated from everything while remaining an integral part of everything. ....
“Viele zauberer haben kein talent dazu ... weil ihre ausübung so viel energie verlangt.” [e244f] [229f]
“Unser charakter ist weitgehend festgelegt, bevor wir zur zauberei gelangen”, sagte er mit resigniertem schulterzucken. “Da bleibt uns nichts anderes übrig, als kontrollierte torheit zu üben und uns selbst auszulachen.” .... [231]
”Stalkers say that we are not so complex as we think we are,” he said, ”and that we all belong to one of three categories.” ....
He said that people in the first class are the perfect secretaries, assistants, companions. They have a very fluid personality, but their fluidity is not nourishing. They are, however, serviceable, concerned, totally domestic, resourceful within limits, humorous, well-mannered, sweet, delicate. In other words, they are the nicest people one could find, but they have one huge flaw: they can't function alone. They are always in need of someone to direct them. With direction, no matter how strained or antagonistic that direction might be, they are stupendous. But themselves, they perish.
People in the second class are not nice at all. They are petty, vindictive, envious, jealous, self-centered. They talk exclusively about themselves and ususally demand that people conform to their standards. They always take the initiative even though they are not comfortable with it. They are thorougly ill at ease in every situation and never relax. They are insecure and never pleased; the more insecure they become the nastier they are. Their fatal flaw is that they would kill to be leaders.
In the third category are people who are neither nice nore nasty. They serve no one, nor do they impose themselves on anyone. Rather they are indifferent. They have an exalted idea about themselves derived solely from daydreams and wishful thinking. If they are extraordinary at anything, it is at waiting for things to happen. They are waiting to be discovered and conquered and have a marvelous facility for creating the illusion that they have great things in abeyance, which they always promise to deliver but never do because, in fact, they do not have such resources.
Don Juan said that he himself definitely belonged to the second class. He then asked me to classify myself ....
”Don't give me that combination nonsense,” he said, still laughing. ”We are simple beings, each of us is one of the threee types. And as far as I am concerned, you belong to the second class. Stalker call them farts (Die pirscher bezeichnen diese leute als windeier).” ....
Except that one avenue for redemption remained. Sorcerers had long ago learned that only our personal self-reflection fell into one of the categories. ....
”If we weren't self-important, it wouldn't matter at all which category we fell into.” [e246ff]
”I can't repeat often enough that every man whose assemblage point moves can move it further,” he began. ”And the only reason we need a teacher is to spur us mercilessly. Otherwise our natural reaction is to stop to congratulate ourselves for having covered so much ground.” ....
For the Nagual Julian, self-importance was a monster that had three thousand heads. And one could face up to it and destroy it in any of three ways. The first way was to sever each head one at a time; the second was to reach that mysterious state of being called the place of no pity, which destroyed self-importance by slowly starving it; and the third was to pay for the instantaneous annihilation of the three-thousand-headed monster with one's symbolic death.
The Nagual Julian recommended the third alternative. But he told don Juan that he could consider himself fortunate if he got the chance to choose. For it was the spirit that usually determined which way the sorcerer was to go, and it was the duty of the sorcerer to follow. [e249]
”My benefactor didn't believe in handing down knowledge,” don Juan said. ”He thought that knowledge imparted that way lacked effectiveness. It was never there when one needed it. On the other hand, if knowledge was only insinuated, the person who was interested would devise ways to claim that knowledge.”
Don Juan said that the difference between his method of teaching and his benefactor's was that he himself believed one should have the freedom to choose. His benefactor did not. [e250]
”I was the same. For a while, I would reel under the impact of what I was experiencing and then I would forget and tie up the severed ends as if nothing had happened. That was why my benefactor believed that we can only really change if we die.” [e251]
”I screamed until I felt something give in me and I entered a state of superb indifference. Never in my life had I felt something so extraordinary.” [e258]
The Nagual Julian explained that the human eye was trained to focus only on the most salient features of anything, and that those salient features were known beforehand. Thus, the stalkers' art was to create an impression by presenting the features they chose, features they knew the eyes of the onlooker were bound to notice. By artfully reinforcing certain impressions, stalkers were able to create on the part of the onlooker an unchallengeable conviction as to what their eyes had perceived. ....
Don Juan asked Tuliúno about Tulio's appearance. Tuliúno answered that the Nagual Elías maintained appearance was the essence of controlled folly, and stalkers created appearance by intending them, rather than by producing them with the aid of props. Props created artificial appearances that looked false to the eye. In this respect, intending appearances was exclusively an exercise for stalkers.
Tulítre spoke next. He said appearances were solicited from the spirit. Appearances were asked, were forcefully called on; they were never invented rationally. Tulio's appearance had to be called from the spirit. And to facilitate that the Nagual Elías put all four of them together into a very small, but out-of-the-way storage room, and there the spirit spoke to them. The spirit told them that first they had to intend their homogeneity. After four weeks of total isolation, homogeneity came to them. [e259ff]
Tuliúno explained that stalkers called intent loudly. Usually intent was called from within a small, dark, isolated room. A candle was placed on a black table with the flame just a few inches before the eyes; then the word intent was voiced slowly, enunciated clearly and deliberately as many times as one felt was needed. The pitch of the voice rose or fell without any thought.
Tuliúno stressed that the indispensable part of the act of calling intent was a total concentration on what was intended. In their case, the concentration was on their homogeneity and on Tulio's appearance ....
And he [Don Juan] said that his benefactor, like the Nagual Elías, was a bit more given to ritual than he himself was, therefore, they preferred paraphernalia such as candles, dark closets, and black tables. [e262]
”Of course, there is a dark side to us,” he said. ”We kill wantonly, don't we? We burn people in the name of God. We destroy ourselves; we obliterate life on this planet; we destroy the earth. And then we dress in robes and the Lord speaks directly to us. And what does the Lord tell us? He says that we should be good boys or he is going to punish us. The Lord has been threatening us for centuries and it doesn't make any difference. Not because we are evil, but because we are dumb. Man has a dark side, yes, and it's called stupidity.” [e263]
”Ritual can trap our attention better than anything I can think of,” he said, ”but it also demands a very high price. That high price is morbidity; and morbidity could have the heaviest liens and mortgages on our awareness.” ....
Morbidity was the antithesis of the surge of energy awareness needed to reach freedom. Morbidity made sorcerers lose their way and become trapped in the intricate, dark byways of the unknown ....
”Stalking is an art. For a sorcerer, since he's not a patron or a seller of art, the only thing of importance about a work of art is that it can be accomplished.” ....
”The Nagual's company is very tiring,” he went on. ”It produces a strange fatigue; it could even be injurious.” ....
”Moving the assemblage point is everything, but it means nothing if it's not a sober, controlled movement. So, close the door of self-reflection. Be impeccable and you'll have the energy to reach the place of silent knowledge.” [e264f]



IX - The Art of Dreaming
Carlos Castaneda, The Art of Dreaming, Aquarian/HarperCollins,
    77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB (1993),
    Paperback Edition (1994)
Carlos Castaneda, Die Kunst des Träumens, S. Fischer, (1994)
Carlos Castaneda, El arte de ensoñar, Editorial Seix Barral,
    Barcelona, (1993)


Kapitel     Seite (Buch)     hier
Vorwort 7
1. Die Zauberer der Vorzeit: eine Einführung 13 goto
2. Die erste Pforte des Träumens 32 goto
3. Die zweite Pforte des Träumens 46 goto
4. Die Fixierung des Montagepunktes 67 goto
5. Die Welt der anorganischen Wesen 92 goto
6. Die Welt der Schatten 115 goto
7. Der blaue Scout 137 goto
8. Die dritte Pforte des Träumens 149 goto
9. Das neue Forschungsbebiet 173 goto
10. Die Pirscher anpirschen 189 goto
11. Der Mieter (Die vierte Pforte des Träumens}) 205 goto
12. Die Frau in der Kirche 225 goto
13. Auf den Flügeln der Absicht fliegen 245 goto
Bei meinen übungen im träumen blieb jedoch die barriere der zweiten aufmerksamkeit immer unverändert erhalten. Jedesmal wenn ich in den zustand des träumens eintrat, geriet ich auch in die zweite aufmerksamkeit, und wenn ich vom träumen erwachte, so bedeutete dies nicht unbedingt, dass ich auch den zustand der zweiten aufmerksamkeit verließ. [11]
Die Zauberer der Vorzeit: eine Einführung
“Unsere wahrnehmung ist die wahrnehmung eines raubtiers”, sagte er mir bei anderer gelegenheit. “Sehr nützlich, um nahrung zu finden und gefahr zu erkennen. Aber dies ist nicht die einzig mögliche art der wahrnehmung. Es gibt noch eine andere methode, mit der ich dich vertraut machen möchte: die unmittelbare wahrnehmung des wesens der dinge - der energie selbst.
Erst wenn wir das wesen der dinge wahrnehmen, wird es uns gelingen, die welt in einer neuen, vielschichtigeren und interessanteren sprache zu erforschen und zu beschreiben”, behauptete Don Juan. Und die vielschichtigere sprache, an die er dachte, war diejenige, die seine vorfahren ihn gelehrt hatten: eine sprache im einklang mit jenen wahrheiten der zauberei, die keine rationale begründung brauchen und unabhängig sind von den fakten der alltagswelt - selbst-evidente wahrheiten für die zauberer, die energie unmittelbar wahrnehmen und das wesen der dinge sehen.
Das wesen des universums selbst zu sehen sei für diese zauberer die wichtigste tat der zauberei. [16]
“Bedenke aber”, ermahnte mich Don Juan, “dass ich, wenn ich von sehen spreche, immer sage ‘es hat den anschein als ob’, oder ‘es schien wie’. Alles, was man sieht, ist so einzigartig, dass man unmöglich darüber sprechen kann - außer, man vergleicht es mit etwas uns bekanntem.” [18]
“Das sehen ist nicht so schwer. Die schwierigkeit liegt darin, die begrenzende mauer zu durchbrechen, die wir in gedanken errichten und uns an unserem ort hält. Um sie aufzubrechen, brauchen wir nur energie. Sobald wir energie haben, geschieht das sehen uns wie von selbst. Der trick besteht darin, unsere festung der selbstzufriedenheit und falschen sicherheit zu verlassen .... Das erstaunliche an der zauberei ist, dass jeder zauberer sich alles durch eigene erfahrung beweisen muss.” [21]
“Auf welche weise wird er verschoben?” fragte ich.
“Durch energieströme. Durch stromstöße einer energie, deren ursprung außerhalb oder innerhalb unserer energiegestalt liegen kann. Dies sind meist unvorhersehbare ströme, die zufällig auftreten, aber bei zauberern sind es höchst vorhersehbare ströme, die der absicht des zauberers gehorchen.”
“Kannst du diese ströme fühlen?”
“Jeder zauberer kann es, ja jedes menschliche wesen. Aber die durchschnittsmenschen sind zu emsig mit ihren eigenen angelegenheiten beschäftigt, um auf solche gefühle zu achten.”
“Wie fühlen solche ströme sich an?”
“Wie ein leichtes unbehagen, ein unbestimmtes gefühl der traurigkeit, unmittelbar gefolgt von einer euphorie. Weil aber weder die traurigkeit noch die euphorie erklärbare ursachen haben, betrachten wir sie niemals als authentische angriffe des unbekannten, sondern als unerklärliche, unbegründete stimmungen.” [23]
“Für mich ist es zu absurd. Ich brauche freiheit. Die freiheit, mein bewusstsein zu behalten und dennoch fortzugehen in die unendlichkeit. Meiner meinung nach waren diese alten zauberer zügellose und kapriziöse leute, die ihren eigenen intrigen zum opfer gefallen sind.” [25]
“Was bedeutet es, gleichförmigkeit und zusammenhalt neu zu arrangieren?”
“Es bedeutet, in die zweite aufmerksamkeit einzutreten, indem man den montagepunkt in seiner neuen position festhält und ihn daran hindert, an seine ursprüngliche stelle zurückzugleiten.” [28]
Erinnern bedeute also, den montagepunkt an genau die position zurückzubringen, die er zu dem zeitpunkt einnahm, als jenes eintreten in den zustand der zweiten aufmerksamkeit stattfand. [29]

Die erste Pforte des Träumens
“Ich werde dich also den ersten schritt zur kraft lehren”, sagte Don Juan am anfang seiner unterweisung in der kunst des träumens. “Ich werde dich lehren, das träumen zu arrangieren.”
“Was bedeutet es, das träumen zu arrangieren?”
“Das träumen zu arrangieren bedeutet, eine exakte und praktische kontrolle über die allgemeine situation eines traumes zu haben. Du träumst zum beispiel, du bist in deinem hörsaal an der universität. Das träumen zu arrangieren bedeutet nun, dass du diesen traum nicht in einen anderen abgleiten lässt. Du springst also nicht etwa vom hörsaal in die berge. Mit anderen worten, du kontrollierst den anblick des hörsaals und lässt ihn nicht los, bevor du dies willst.” [32]
”Dreaming has to be performed with integrity and seriousness, but in the midst of laughter and with the confidence of someone who doesn't have a worry in the world. Only under these conditions can our dreams actually be turned into dreaming.”
Don Juan versicherte, dass er mir ganz willkürlich den rat gegeben habe, im traum meine hände anzusehen. Etwas anderes wäre genausogut geeignet. The goal of the exercise was not finding a specific thing but engaging my dreaming attention. ....
”There are seven gates,” he said as a way of answering, ”and dreamers have to open all seven of them, one at the time...”
Don Juan explained that there are entrances and exits in the energy flow of the universe and that, in the specific case of dreaming, there are seven entrances, experienced as obstacles, which sorcerers call the seven gates of dreaming.
”The first gate is a threshold we must cross by becoming aware of a particular sensation before deep sleep,” he said. ”A sensation which is like a pleasant heaviness that doesn't let us open our eyes. We reach that gate the instant we become aware that we're falling asleep, suspended in darkness and heaviness.” ... ”There are no steps to follow. One just intends to become aware of falling asleep. Doch über die absicht und das beabsichtigen können wir noch nicht sprechen: es wäre zu schwierig. Jeder versuch, es zu erklären, wäre lächerlich. Darum wundere dich nicht, wenn ich dir sage: die zauberer beabsichtigen alles, was sie beabsichtigen wollen, einfach indem sie es beabsichtigen .... Für die zauberer ist verstehen - und hier spreche ich von absicht und beabsichtigen - eine sache der energie.” [33ff] [e22ff]
- ?`Es la meta del ensueño intentar el cuerpo energético? - pregunté, repentinamente imbuido da una extraña claridad de pensiamento.
- Se puede decir que ésa es la meta total -dijo-. En el caso particular de la primera compuerta del ensueño, la meta es intentar que tu cuerpo energético se dé cuenta de que te estás quedando dormido. Gib dir aber keine mühe, dir bewusst zu machen, dass du einschläfst. Lass deinen energiekörper dies tun. Beabsichtigen heißt wünschen, ohne zu wünschen, und tun, ohne zu tun.
Akzeptiere einfach das beabsichtigen”, fuhr er fort. “Sei im stillen, und ohne jeden gedanken, davon überzeugt, dass du deinen energiekörper erreicht hast und dass du ein träumer bist. Dies wird dich automatisch in die lage versetzen, dir bewusst zu machen, dass du einschläfst.”
“Wie kann ich mich überzeugen, dass ich ein träumer bin, wenn ich es doch nicht bin?”
“Sobald du hörst, dass du dich von etwas überzeugen sollst, flüchtest du dich zu deiner vernunft .... Intending is both: the act of convincing yourself you are indeed a dreamer, although you have never dreamt before, and the act of being convinced.”
“Du meinst also, ich soll mir sagen, ich sei ein träumer, und mir alle mühe geben, es zu glauben? Ist es so?”
“Nein, so ist es nicht. Beabsichtigen ist viel einfacher und zugleich unendlich viel komplizierter. Es verlangt vorstellungskraft, disziplin und zielstrebigkeit. In deinem fall verlangt das beabsichtigen unbedingtes wissen deines körpers, dass du ein träumer bist. Mit allen zellen deines körpers musst du fühlen und wissen, dass du ein träumer bist.” [37] [e26] [s33f]
“Wenn wir die träumer auffordern, im traum bestimmte gegenstände zu suchen, so ist dies ein vorwand”, sagte er. “Tatsächlich geht es nur darum, sich bewusst zu machen, dass man einschläft. Dies geschieht aber seltsamerweise nicht, indem man sich zwingt, sich das einschlafen bewusst zu machen, sondern indem man das bild festhält, das man im traum sieht.”
Und er erzählte mir, dass die träumer mit raschen blicken alles registrieren, was in einem traum vorkommt. If they focus their dreaming attention on something specific, it is only as a point of departure. From there, dreamers move on to look at other items in the dream's content, returning to the point of departure as many times as possible. [38] [e27]
“Ist es so gefährlich?”
“Ja, sehr! Das träumen muss eine ganz nüchterne angelegenheit bleiben. Man darf sich keinen falschen schritt leisten. Das träumen ist ein prozess des erwachens, der allmählichen selbstkontrolle. Wir müssen unsere traum-aufmerksamkeit systematisch trainieren, denn sie ist die pforte zur zweiten aufmerksamkeit .... Die zweite aufmerksamkeit ist wie ein ozean, und die traum-aufmerksamkeit ist wie ein fluss, der in diesen einmündet. The second attention is the condition of being aware of total worlds, total like our world is total, while the dreaming attention is the condition of being aware of the items of our dreams.”
He heavily stressed that the dreaming attention is the key to every movement in the sorcerers' world. He said that among the multitude of items in our dreams, there exist real energetic interferences, things that have been put in our dreams extraneously, by an alien force. To be able to find them and follow them is sorcery ....
“Die träume sind zwar nicht das tor, aber das schlupfloch zu anderen welten”, begann er. “Ein schlupfloch mit zweibahnverkehr. Unser bewusstsein schlüpft durch diese lücke in andere sphären, und jene anderen sphären schicken scouts in unsere träume .... energieladungen, die sich mit den gegenständen unserer normalen träume verbinden. Es sind ausbrüche fremder energie, die in unsere träume eindringen, und wir interpretieren sie als gegenstände, die uns manchmal vertraut, manchmal fremd sind.” ....
“Warum isolieren, Don Juan?”
“Weil diese ströme aus anderen sphären kommen. Wenn wir ihnen bis zu ihrem ursprung folgen, können sie uns als führer in andere regionen dienen - so geheimnisvolle regionen, dass es die zauberer schaudert, wenn sie nur an die möglichkeit denken.”
“Wie isolieren die zauberer sie von den normalen gegenständen ihrer träume?”
“Durch übung und kontrolle ihrer traum-aufmerksamkeit. Irgendwann entdeckt unsere traum-aufmerksamkeit sie unter den gegenständen eines traums und konzentriert sich auf sie; dann bricht der ganze traum ab, und es bleibt nur die fremde energie.” ....
- Voy a repetir lo que debes hacer en tus sueños para cruzar la primera compuerta des ensueño. Primero, enfoca tu atención de ensueño en qualquier cosa, como punto de partida. Luego, pon tu atención en cuantos objetos puedas. Recuerda que si sólo echas vistazos breves, las imágenes no cambian. Después de ver cada objeto regresa al primero que viste.
-?`Qué quiere decir cruzar la primera compuerta del ensueño?
-Llegamos a la primera compuerta del ensueño al darnos cuenta de que nos estamos quedando dormidos, o como tú lo hiciste, al tener un sueño inmensamente real. En quanto llegamos a esa compuerta, la cruzamos al ser capaces de sostener la vista en cualquier objeto en nuestros sueños. [39ff] [e28f] [s36ff]
“Was genau ist der energiekörper?”
“Er ist das gegenstück zum physischen körper. Eine geisterhafte konfiguration, bestehend aus reiner energie.”
“Besteht aber nicht auch der physische körper aus energie?”
“Ja, gewiss. Der unterschied ist, dass der energiekörper nur erscheinung hat, aber keine masse. Da er reine energie ist, kann er taten vollbringen, die dem physischen körper unmöglich wären.”
“Was zum beispiel, Don Juan?”
“Zum beispiel, sich im handumdrehen ans ende des universums zu versetzen. Ensoñar es el arte de templar el cuerpo energético, de hacerlo coherente y flexible, ejercitándolo gradualmente ....
-Esa esfera es energía. El cuerpo energético trata con la energía en terminos de energía. Hay tres formas en las que trata. Puede percibir energía a medida que ésta fluye; puede usarla como un cohete para propulsarse dentro de áreas insondables; o puede percibir como percibimos normalmente el mundo.
-?`Qué quiere decir percibir energía a medida que fluye?
-Quiere decir ver. Quiere decir que el cuerpo energético ve energía directamente como una luz, o como una especie de corriente vibratoria, o como un disturbo borroso. Und er spürt sie - als unmitelbaren stromstoß oder als körperliche empfindung, die sogar schmerzhaft sein kann.” ....
Pero no es recomendable que los ensoñadores se den a la búsqueda de exploradores. ....
He repeated various times, to emphasize it, that there is no more energy for us anywhere and, since our available energy is already engaged, there is not a single bit left in us for any extraordinary perception, such as dreaming.
“Where does that leave us?” I asked.
“It leaves us to scrounge energy for ourselves, wherever we can find it,” he replied.
Don Juan explained that sorcerers have a scrounging method. They intelligently redeploy their energy by cutting down anything they consider superfluous in their lives. They call this method the sorcerers' way. In essence, the sorcerers' way, as don Juan put it, is a chain of behavioral choices for dealing with the world, choices much more intelligent than those our progenitors taught us. These sorcerers' choices are designed to revamp our lives by altering our basic reactions about being alive.
“Welche grundeinstellungen, Don Juan?” fragte ich.
“Wir haben zwei arten, auf die tatsache zu reagieren, dass wir lebendig sind. Zum einen können wir uns blind unterwerfen, indem wir den forderungen des lebens gehorchen, oder indem wir sie bekämpfen. Zum anderen können wir unsere lebensumstände so gestalten, dass sie unserer eigenen konfiguration entsprechen ... wir können unsere situation so gestalten, dass sie unseren eigenen bedingungen entspricht .... Und dies tun die träumer. Ist das vermessen? Bestimmt nicht, wenn du bedenkst, wie wenig wir über uns selbst wissen.”
Als mein lehrer habe er die pflicht, sagte er, mich mit dem unterschied zwischen dem leben und dem lebendigsein vertraut zu machen: zwischen dem bloßen leben, als resultat biologischer kräfte, und dem bewussten lebendigsein als akt der erkenntnis.
-Cuando los brujos hablan de moldear lo particular de la situación vital de uno -explicó don Juan-, quieren decir moldear la conciencia de estar vivo. Al moldear esta conciencia, podemos obtener suficiente energía para llegar al cuerpo energético y sostenerlo. Con el cuerpo energético, sin lugar a dudas, podemos moldear la dirección y consecuencias totales de nuestras vidas. ....
Reiteró lo que me había dicho incontables veces: que todo lo nuevo en nuestras vidas, tal como los conceptos de la brujería en la mía, debe de ser repetido hasta al agotamiento si se quiere incorporarlo a nuestra cognición del mundo. Señaló que la manera en que nuestros progenitores nos socializaron para funcionar en el mundo cotidiano fue a través de la repetición. ....
Er hatte recht, wenn er sagte, dass die traum-aufmerksamkeit immer dann aktiv wird, wenn wir sie wachrufen und ihr ein ziel setzen. Diese aktivierung ist eigentlich nicht das, was wir als einen prozess verstehen: nämlich eine reihe von operationen oder funktionen, die schließlich zu einem resultat führen. Vielmehr ist es wie ein erwachen. Etwas, das in uns schlummerte, wird plötzlich aktiv und wirksam. [42ff] [e32] [s39ff]

Die zweite Pforte des Träumens
Don Juan decía que el elemento activo de tal entrenamiento es la persistencia [aber die treibende kraft eines solchen trainings, sagte Don Juan, sei die wahrnehmung] y que la mente, con todos sus defensas racionales, no puede defenderse de la persistencia. Tarde o temprano, las barreras de la mente caen bajo su impacto, y la atención de ensueño florece. ....
-Entrar en la segunda atención es lo que te da ese sentido de seguridad en ti mismo -dijo. ....
The emergence of our dreaming attention is a direct corollary of revamping our lives. Weil wir unsere energie aber nicht aus äußeren quellen vermehren können, wie Don Juan sagte, müssen wir immer bemüht sein, unsere verfügbare energie entsprechend umzugruppieren .... und der wichtigste kunstgriff der zauberer sei das `verlieren der eigenen wichtigkeit'. Don Juan sah darin die wichtigste voraussetzung der zauberei, und folglich hielt er alle seine schüler streng dazu an, diese voraussetzung zu erfüllen. He was of the opinion that self-importance is not only the sorcerers' supreme enemy but the nemesis of mankind
Don Juan's argument was that most of our energy goes into upholding our importance. This is most obvious in our endless worry about the presentation of the self, about whether or not we are admired or liked or acknowledged. He reasoned that if we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and, two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to enter into the second attention to catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe. [46f] [e37]
“Dann aber, Don Juan, war es keine wirkliche stadt. Dann existierte sie nur für mich, in meinem kopf.”
“Nein, das nicht. Du versuchst jetzt, etwas transzendentes auf etwas irdisches zurückzuführen. Das ist unzulässig. Diese reise war real. Du sahst sie als stadt. Ich sah sie als energie. Keiner von uns hat recht oder unrecht.” ....
“Die zweite pforte der wahrnehmung ist erreicht, wenn wir aus einem traum in einen anderen traum erwachen. Wir mögen so viele träume träumen wie wir wollen. Aber wir müssen sie kontrollieren und dürfen nicht in dieser uns bekannten welt aufwachen.”
Ich geriet in panik. “Willst du damit sagen, dass ich nie wieder in dieser welt aufwachen soll?” fragte ich.
“Nein, das nicht. Jetzt aber, wo du es sagst, muss ich gestehen, dass es wohl eine möglichkeit wäre. The sorcerers of antiquity used to do that, never wake up in the world we know. [50f] [e41]
“Du wirst noch merken, dass es das eigentliche ziel des träumens ist, den energiekörper zu schulen.” [52]
Dass ich mein scheitern akzeptierte, gab mir doch kraft, und es gelang mir anscheinend besser, die bilder meiner trauminhalte festzuhalten. [53]
“Es war mein fehler”, sagte er. “Ich hatte dir gesagt, dass man in einem anderen traum erwachen muss; aber ich meinte damit nur, dass man auf ordentliche, korrekte art die träume wechseln muss, wie du es getan hast.” [54]
“Das entscheidende beim kontakt mit den anorganischen wesen ist, sie nicht zu fürchten. Und zwar von anfang an. Man muss ihnen eine absicht von kraft und unabhängigkeit schicken. In diese absicht muss man die botschaft verschlüsseln: `Ich fürchte dich nicht; komm zu mir. Falls du kommst, bist du mir willkommen. Falls nicht, werde ich dich vermissen.' solch eine botschaft wird sie so neugierig machen, dass sie sich bestimmt einstellen.” [59]
“Wässrige anorganische wesen neigen eher zu exzessen.” [65]
“Ich möchte nicht irgendwelchen wesen ausgeliefert sein, egal ob organischen oder anorganischen.” [66]

Die fixierung des montagepunktes
Don Juan betonte bei seinem bericht, dass die früheren und auch die modernen zauberer in etablierten institutionen zuflucht suchen - und auch finden. Er vermutete, das die zauberer - wegen ihrer überlegenen disziplin - als vertrauenswürdige arbeitnehmer gelten und von institutionen, die immer bedarf an solchem personal haben, gerne beschäftigt werden. Solange niemand etwas von dem tun und treiben der zauberer erfahre, meinte Don Juan, lasse ihr mangel an ideologischen neigungen sie als vorbildliche arbeiter erscheinen. Don Juan schüttelte verwundert, sogar leicht missbilligend den kopf. “Angesichts des unvorstellbaren unbekannten dort draußen”, sagte er, mit dem arm in die ferne deutend, “gibt man sich nicht mit kleinlichen lügen ab. Kleinliche lügen sind nur etwas für leute, die niemals gesehen haben, was dort draußen ist und auf sie wartet.” [72]
“Die zauberer nennen sie die stimme des traum-botschafters.”
“Was ist der traum-botschafter?”
“Fremde energie, die festigkeit angenommen hat. Fremde energie, die den träumern angeblich hilft, indem sie ihnen dinge offenbart. Das fragwürdige an der stimme des traumbotschafters ist, dass sie nur verraten kann, was die zauberer bereits wissen oder wissen sollten, falls sie ihren namen verdienen .... Es ist eine fremde energie, wie ich sagte. Eine unpersönliche kraft, die wir zu einer persönlichen machen, weil sie eine stimme hat.” ....
“Es können gar keine ratschläge sein. Er sagt uns nur, was was ist, und dann ziehen wir unsere eigenen schlüsse.” [74]
“Aber das ist unsere menschliche malaise - dass wir mehr über das mysterium des universums wissen, als wir annehmen.” [75]
“Ihre lehrmethode ist aber, unser innerstes selbst zum maßstab dessen zu nehmen, was wir benötigen, und uns entsprechend zu unterweisen. Ein sehr gefährliches unterfangen .... Die verbündeten vollbrachten erstaunliche taten, und die alten zauberer wurden schritt um schritt angeleitet, diese taten nachzuahmen, ohne an ihrem innersten wesen etwas zu verändern.” [76f]
“Gibt es noch heute solche beziehungen zu anorganischen wesen?”
“Darauf kann ich nicht wahrheitsgemäß antworten. Ich kann nur sagen, dass ich mir nicht vorstellen kann, selbst eine solche beziehung einzugehen. Solche verstrickungen hemmen unser streben nach freiheit, indem sie all unsere verfügbare energie verbrauchen.” [77]
He reiterated that the art of dreaming is concerned with the displacement of the assemblage point. Then he defined stalking as the art that deals with the fixation of the assemblage point on any location to which it is displaced. (Bei der kunst des träumens, wiederholte er, ginge es um die verschiebung des montagepunktes. Die kunst des pirschens hingegen definierte er als die kunst, den montagepunkt an der stelle zu fixieren, an die er sich verschoben hat) ....
”To fixate the assemblage point on any new spot means to acquire cohesion ...”
“Was ist eine traumposition, Don Juan?”
“Eine neue position, in die sich der montagepunkt im schlaf verschoben hat.”
“How do we fixate the assemblage point on a dreaming position” (“Wie fixieren wir den montagepunkt in einer traumposition?”)
”By sustaining the view of any item in your dreams, or by changing dreams at will. ...” “(Indem wir den anblick irgendeines gegenstandes in einem traum festhalten, oder indem wir bewusst die träume wechseln.) Bei deinen traumübungen übst du in wirklichkeit deinen zusammenhalt ein; das heißt, du übst deine fähigkeit, neue energiegestalten beizubehalten, indem du den montagepunkt in der position eines bestimmten traumes fixierst, den du gerade träumst.”
”.... The challenge of shifts is that they are so small and so numerous that to maintain cohesiveness in all of them is a triumph. ....” ”The clearer the view of our dreams, the greater our cohesion.” “Du sollst ihn nicht einfach anstarren; du sollst etwas ganz besonderes mit seinem laub machen”, sagte er. “Erinnere dich daran, dass du in deinen träumen, sobald du den anblick eines gegenstands festhalten kannst, in wirklichkeit die traumposition deines montagepunktes beibehältst. Now, gaze at those leaves as if you were in a dream, but with a slight yet most meaningful variation: you are going to hold your dreaming attention on the leaves of the mesquite tree in the awareness of our daily world.” ....
... He patiently explained that by staring at the foliage, I would accomplish a minute displacement of my assemblage point. Then, by summoning my dreaming attention through staring at individual leaves, I would actually fixate that minute displacement, and my cohesion would make me perceive in terms of the second attention. He added, with a chuckle, that the process was so simple it was ridiculous.
Nun ja, Don Juan hatte recht. Ich brauchte nur meinen blick auf das laub zu richten, ihn dort zu halten - und schon wurde ich in ein wirbelndes gefühl hineingerissen, ganz ähnlich wie die wirbel in meinen träumen. The foliage of the mesquite tree became a universe of sensory data. Es war, als hätte das laub mich verschluckt, aber nicht nur mein blick war daran beteiligt. Wenn ich die blätter berührte, spürte ich sie tatsächlich. Ich roch sie auch. My dreaming attention was multisensorial instead of solely visual, as in my regular dreaming. What had begun as gazing at the foliage of the mesquite tree had turned into a dream. ....
But just like in dreaming, I didn't have enough energy to ponder for too long. My thoughts were fleeting. They lasted an instant; then the force of direct experience blanketed them out completely. [79ff] [e69ff]
He said that our speech faculty is extremely flimsy and attacks of muteness are common among sorcerers who venture beyond the limits of normal perception. ....
Don Juan, with extreme patience, pointed out that reason is only a by-product of the habitual position of the assemblage point; therefore, knowing what is going on, being of sound mind, having our feet on the ground - sources of great pride to us and assumed to be a natural consequence of our worth - are merely the result of the fixation of the assemblage point on its habitual place. The more rigid and stationary it is, the greater our confidence in ourselves, the greater the feeling of knowing the world, of being able to predict.
He added that what dreaming does is give us the fluidity to enter into other worlds by destroying our sense of knowing this world. [82] [e72f]
“Früher oder später wird dein montagepunkt beweglicher werden, aber nicht beweglich genug, um deine neigung auszugleichen, zu werden wie diese zauberer: rechthaberisch und hysterisch.”
“Wie kann ich so etwas vermeiden, Don Juan?”
“Es gibt nur ein mittel. Die zauberer nennen es das reine verstehen. Ich würde es als liebe zum wissen bezeichnen. Es ist die kraft, die die zauberer zum wissen, zur entdeckung, zum staunen treibt.” ....
He said that seeing children's assemblage points constantly fluttering, as if moved by tremors, changing their place with ease, the old sorcerers came to the conclusion that the assemblage point's habitual location is not innate but brought about by habituation. Seeing also that only in adults is it fixed on one spot, they surmised that the specific location of the assemblage point fosters a specific way of perceiving. Through usage, this specific way of perceiving becomes a system of interpreting sensory data.
Don Juan pointed out that, since we are drafted into that system by being born into it, from the moment of our birth we imperatively strive to adjust our perceiving to conform to the demands of this system, a system that rules us for life. Consequently, the old sorcerers were thoroughly right in believing that the act of countermanding it and perceiving energy directly is what transforms a person into a sorcerer. ....
Don Juan expressed wonder at what he called the greatest accomplishment of our human upbringing: to lock our assemblage point on its habitual position. For, once it is immobilized there, our perception can be coached and guided to interpret what we perceive. In other words, we can then be guided to perceive more in terms of our system than in terms of our senses. He assured me that human perception is universally homogenuous, because the assemblage points of the whole human race are fixed on the same spot.
Bestätigung für all dies finden die zauberer, fuhr er fort, wenn sie sehen, dass unsere wahrnehmungen sinnlos erscheinen, sobald der montagepunkt über eine gewisse schwelle hinaus verschoben wird und neue universelle energiefasern wahrgenommen werden. Die unmittelbare ursache dafür sei, sagte er, dass neue sinnesdaten unser system außer funktion setzen. Es eigne sich dann nicht mehr zur interpretation dessen, was wir wahrnehmen.
”Perceiving without our system is, of course, chaotic,” don Juan continued. ”But strangely enough, when we think we have truly lost our bearings, our old system rallies; it comes to our rescue and transforms our new incomprehensible perception into a thoroughly comprehensible new world. Just like what happened to you when you gazed at the leaves of the mesquite tree.” [85] [e75f]
“Aber ist es nicht das, was die geisteskranken tun? Sich ihre eigene realität erfinden, wie es ihnen eben passt?”
“Nein, es ist nicht das gleiche. Verrückte bilden sich eine eigene realität ein, weil sie keinerlei vorgefasstes ziel haben. Die verrückten bringen chaos ins chaos. Die zauberer hingegen bringen ordnung ins chaos (Insane people imagine a reality of their own because they don't have any preconceived purpose at all. Insane people bring chaos into the chaos. Sorcerers, on the contrary, bring order to the chaos). Ihr vorgefasstes, transzendentales ziel ist, ihre wahrnehmung zu befreien. Die zauberer erfinden nicht die welt, die sie wahrnehmen. Sie nehmen energie direkt wahr, und dann entdecken sie, dass das, was sie wahrnehmen, eine unbekannte neue welt ist, die einen ganz und gar verschlingen kann, weil sie ebenso real ist wie alles, was wir als realität kennen.” [88] [e78]
”But new worlds exist! They are wrapped one around the other, like the skins of an onion. The world we exist in is just one of those skins.”
“Do you mean, don Juan, that the goal of your teaching is to prepare me to go into those worlds?”
”No. I don't mean that. We go into those worlds only as an exercise. Those journeys are the antecedents of the sorcerers of today. We do the same dreaming that the old sorcerers used to do, but at one moment we deviate into new ground. The old sorcerers preferred the shift of the assemblage point, so they were always on more or less known, predictable ground. We prefer the movements of the assemblage point. The old sorcerers were after the human unknown. We are after the nonhuman unknown (“Die alten zauberer suchten das menschlich unbekannte; wir suchen das nicht-menschlich unbekannte)”. ....
”Dreaming is too easy for you. And that is a damnation if we don't watch it. It leads to the human unknown (Das träumen fällt dir viel zu leicht. Und das ist ein fluch, wenn wir nicht aufpassen. Es führt zum menschlich unbekannten). Und wie ich dir sagte, streben die heutigen zauberer nach dem nicht-menschlich unbekannten.”
”What can the nonhuman unknown be? (Was könnte das nicht-menschlich unbekannte sein?)”
”Freedom from being human. Inconceivable worlds that are outside of the band of man but that we still can perceive (Befreiung vom menschsein. Unvorstellbare welten, die jenseits der menschlichen bandbreite liegen, die wir aber dennoch wahrnehmen können). Und dorthin nehmen die modernen zauberer, sozusagen, eine abzweigung. Ihre vorliebe gilt dem, was außerhalb des menschlichen bereichs liegt. Und außerhalb dieses bereichs liegen ganze welten - nicht nur teilbereiche, wie das reich der vögel oder das reich der säugetiere oder das reich des menschen. Nein, was ich meine, sind allumfassende welten, wie jene, in der wir leben: totale welten mit unzähligen bereichen .... In anderen positionen des montagepunkts - positionen allerdings, die die zauberer durch eine bewegung des montagepunkts erreichen, nicht durch eine verlagerung. Das eintreten in diese welten ist eine art des träumens, die nur heutige zauberer üben. Die alten zauberer hielten sich fern davon, weil es ein hohes maß an losgelöstheit verlangt und jeglichen eigendünkel verbietet: ein preis, den sie nicht zu zahlen bereit waren.
Für die zauberer, die heute das träumen praktizieren, ist träumen die freiheit, welten jenseits aller vorstellungskraft wahrzunehmen.”
“Welchen zweck hat es aber, all dies wahrzunehmen?”
“Die gleiche frage hast du mir heute schon einmal gestellt. Du sprichst wie eine echte krämerseele. Wie hoch ist das risiko? fragst du. Wieviel prozent bringt mir meine investition? Werde ich gewinnen?
”There is no way to answer that. The merchant mind does commerce. But freedom cannot be an investment. Freedom is an adventure with no end, in which we risk our lives and much more for a few moments of something beyond words, beyond thoughts or feelings (Auf solche fragen gibt es keine antwort. Der krämergeist befasst sich mit dem kommerz. Freiheit aber kann keine investition sein. Freiheit ist ein abenteuer ohne ende, bei dem wir unser leben - und noch viel mehr - riskieren, für kurze augenblicke von etwas, das alle worte, gedanken und gefühle übersteigt).”
“In diesem sinne hatte ich die frage nicht gestellt, Don Juan. Was ich wissen will, ist vielmehr: was könnte für einen faulpelz wie mich die treibende kraft sein, all dies zu tun?”
”To seek freedom is the only driving force I know. Freedom to fly off into infinity out there. Freedom to dissolve; to lift off; to be like the flame of a candle, which, in spite of being up against the light of a billion stars, remains intact, because it never pretended to be more than what it is: a mere candle (Nach freiheit zu streben, das ist die einzige triebkraft, die ich kenne. Freiheit, in die unendlichkeit dort draußen davonzufliegen; freiheit, sich aufzulösen und abzuheben; wie eine kerzenflamme zu sein, die, obwohl sie dem licht von millionen sternen gegenübersteht, doch intakt bleibt, weil sie niemals beansprucht, mehr zu sein, als sie ist: eine kerze).” [89f] [e79f]

Die welt der anorganischen Wesen
Du hast einen scout isoliert. Scouts treten häufiger auf, wenn unsere träume normal und durchschnittlich sind. Die träume von träumern bleiben sonderbar frei von solchen scouts. Wenn sie aber auftreten, sind sie erkennbar an der damit verbundenen fremdheit und ungereimtheit.”
“Wieso ungereimtheit, Don Juan?”
“Ihre gegenwart macht keinen sinn.”
“Aber kaum etwas macht sinn in einem traum.”
”Only in average dreams are things nonsensical. I would say that this is so because more scouts are injected then, because average people are subject to a greater barrage from the unknown.”
“Weißt du auch, Don Juan, warum das so ist?”
“Ich glaube, hier liegt ein gleichgewicht der kräfte vor. Normale menschen haben verblüffend starke barrieren, um sich gegen solche angriffe zu schützen. Barrieren, wie z.B. die sorge um das eigene selbst. The stronger the barrier, the greater the attack.
Träumer hingegen haben weniger barrieren und weniger scouts in ihren träumen. Anscheinend verschwinden unsinnige dinge aus den träumen der träumer, möglicherweise um sicherzustellen, dass die träumer die anwesenheit von scouts auch bemerken.” [94] [e85]
“Die innere geschwindigkeit von bäumen und anorganischen wesen ist unvorstellbar, weil sie unendlich viel langsamer ist als unsere .... Both trees and inorganic being last longer than we do. They are made to stay put. They are immobile, yet they make everything move around them (Bäume und anorganische wesen haben beide eine viel längere dauer als wir. Sie sind dazu bestimmt, an ort und stelle zu bleiben. Sie sind unbeweglich, aber sie bewirken, dass alles um sie her sich bewegt).”
“Do you mean, don Juan, that inorganic beings are stationary like trees?”
”Certainly. What you see in dreaming as bright or dark sticks are their projections. What you hear as the voice of the dreaming emissary is equally their projection. And so are their scouts.”
Aus irgendeinem unbegreiflichen grund fühlte ich mich von diesen auskünften überwältigt. Plötzlich bekam ich angst. Ich fragte Don Juan, ob auch bäume solche projektionen hätten.
“Haben sie”, sagte er. “Ihre projektionen sind uns aber noch weniger freundlich gesinnt als die der anorganischen wesen. Die träumer suchen sie niemals auf, es sei denn, sie wären in einem zustand tiefer ausgeglichenheit mit den bäumen - ein zustand, der sehr schwer zu erreichen ist. We have no friends on this earth, you know.” He chuckled and added, ”It's no mystery why. .... ”We are destructive. We have antagonized every living being on this earth. That's why we have no friends.”
”.... And when they had the scouts in focus, they shouted their intent to follow them. The instant the old sorcerers voiced that intent, off they went. Pulled by that foreign energy.” [96f] [e86f]
“Nein, es ist nicht sarkasmus”, sagte der botschafter. “Ich freue mich, dass du verwandte hast, hier bei uns.”
“Was verstehst du unter verwandten?” fragte ich.
”Shared energy makes kinship,” it replied. ”Energy is like blood.” [101] [e92]
Don Juan had said that inorganic beings are always poised to teach. ....
”For perfect dreaming, the first thing you have to do is shut off your internal dialogue.” it said to me one time. ”For best results in shutting it off, put between your fingers some two-or-three-inch-long quartz crystals or a couple of smooth, thin river pebbles. Bend your fingers slightly, and press the crystals or pebbles with them.” The emissary said that metal pins, if they were the size and width of one's fingers, were equally effective. The procedure consisted of pressing at least three thin items between the fingers of each hand and creating, an almost painful pressure in the hands. This pressure had the strange property of shutting off the internal dialogue. The emissary's expressed preference was for quartz crystals; it said that they gave the best results, although with practice anything was suitable.
”Falling asleep at a moment of total silence guarantees a perfect entrance into dreaming,” said the emissary's voice, ”and it also guarantees the enhancing of one's dreaming attention.”
”Dreamers should wear a gold ring,” said the emissary to me another time, ”preferably fitted a bit tight.” ....
The emissary's explanation was that such a ring serves as a bridge for surfacing from dreaming back into the daily world or for sinking from our daily awareness into the inorganic beings' realm. ....
”The contact of the fingers on the ring lays the bridge down,” the emissary said. ”If a dreamer comes into my world wearing a ring, that ring attracts the energy of my world and keeps it; and when it's needed, that energy transports the dreamer back to this world, by the ring releasing it into the dreamer's fingers.
”The pressure of that ring around a finger serves equally well to ensure a dreamer's return to this world. It gives him a constant, familiar sense on his finger.”
During another dreaming session, the emissary said that our skin is the perfect organ for transposing energy waves from the mode of the daily world to the mode of the inorganic beings and vice versa. It recommended that I keep my skin cool and free from pigments or oils. It also recommended that dreamers wear a tight belt or headband or necklace to create a pressure point that serves as a skin center of energy exchange. The emissary explained that the skin automatically screens energy, and that what we need to do to make the skin not only screen but exchange energy from one mode to the other is to express our intent out loud, in dreaming.
One day the emissary's voice gave me a fabulous bonus. It said that, in order to ensure the keenness and accuracy of our dreaming attention, we must bring it from behind the roof of the mouth, where an enormous reservoir of attention is located in all human beings. The emissary's specific directions were to practice and learn the discipline and control necessary to press the tip of the tongue on the roof of the mouth while dreaming. This task is as difficult and consuming, the emissary said, as finding one's hands in a dream. But, once it is accomplished, this task gives the most astounding results in terms of controlling the dreaming attention.
... The most vital piece of information for me was that the dreaming attention comes from behind the roof of the mouth. Mühsam lernte ich dann, beim träumen zu spüren, wie ich die zungenspitze gegen mein gaumendach drückte. Sobald ich dies schaffte, gewann meine traum-aufmerksamkeit eigenes leben und wurde, wenn ich so sagen darf, schärfer als meine normale aufmerksamkeit für die alltägliche welt.
.... “Auch ich habe diesen konflikt durchgemacht”, fuhr Don Juan fort,“ und niemand konnte mir helfen, weil dies eine ganz persönliche und endgültige entscheidung ist, die du in dem augenblick triffst, da du den wunsch aussprichst, in dieser welt zu leben. Um dich so weit zu bringen, dass du dieses verlangen aussprichst, werden die anorganischen wesen auch deinen geheimsten wünschen nachkommen.”
“Das ist wahrhaft teuflisch, Don Juan.”
“Das kann man wohl sagen. Aber nicht nur in dem sinn, wie du es meinst. Für dich liegt das teuflische darin, der versuchung nachzugeben - besonders da es um so große belohnungen geht. Für mich ist das reich dieser anorganischen wesen deshalb eine teuflische sache, weil es womöglich die einzige zuflucht sein könnte, die träumer in einem feindseligen universum haben.”
“Ist es wirklich ein asyl für träumer, Don Juan?”
“Eindeutig, jedenfalls für manche träumer. Nicht für mich. Ich brauche keine stützen oder schutzgeländer. Ich weiß, was ich bin. Ich bin allein in einem feindseligen universum, und ich habe gelernt zu sagen: Sei es drum!”
Ich sah mich also vor zwei alternativen gestellt, zwischen denen, Don Juan zufolge, alle träumer sich entscheiden müssen: entweder strukturieren wir unser system zur interpretation von sinnesdaten sorgfältig um, oder wir geben es ganz auf. [102ff] [e93ff]
Don Juan behauptete, dass mein energiepegel, der stetig gestiegen sei, eines tages eine schwelle erreicht habe, was mir erlaubte, alle annahmen und vorurteile über das wesen von menschen, realität und wahrnehmung aufzugeben. An diesem tag habe ich mich in das wissen verliebt, ganz unabhängig von dessen logik oder praktischem nutzen - und vor allem ohne rücksicht auf meine persönliche annehmlichkeit. [108]
“Aber da ist noch etwas, was der botschafter dir bislang nicht zu sagen wagte: dass die anorganischen wesen es auf unser bewusstsein abgesehen haben, auf das bewusstsein jedes lebewesens, das ihnen ins netz geht. Sie schenken uns wissen, aber sie fordern eine zahlung: unser ganzes sein.” ....
“Hüte dich vor einem bewusstsein, das unbeweglich ist. Ein solches bewusstsein sucht zwangsläufig nach bewegung, und dies tut es, wie ich dir sagte, indem es projektionen erzeugt, manchmal phantasmagorische projektionen.” [109]
Nach meinung der zauberer, erklärte Don Juan, sei das universum gefährlich wie ein raubtier, und mehr als sonst jemand müssten die zauberer diesen umstand bei ihren täglichen aktivitäten berücksichtigen. Er war überzeugt, dass das bewusstsein an sich auf wachstum angelegt sei, und die einzige art, wie es wachsen könne, sei der kampf, die konfrontation auf leben und tod.
“Das bewusstsein der zauberer wächst, wenn sie träumen”, fuhr er fort. “Und im selben moment, da es wächst, erkennt irgend etwas dort draußen dieses wachstum und beginnt es zu umwerben. Die anorganischen wesen sind werber um dieses neue, gesteigerte bewusstsein. Die träumer müssen ihr leben lang auf der hut sein. Sie sind eine leichte beute, sobald sie sich in dieses räuberische universum hinauswagen.”
“Was meinst du, Don Juan, sollte ich tun, um mich zu schützen?”
“Sei auf der hut, jede sekunde! Lass nichts und niemand für dich entscheiden. Geh nur dann in die welt der anorganischen wesen, wenn du selbst es willst.” [110f]
“Es ist gar kein widerspruch. Ich habe nur bislang darauf verzichtet, dir geschichten über die liebe der zauberer zu erzählen”, sagte er. “Du bist dein leben lang so in liebe geschwommen, dass ich dir eine pause gönnen wollte. Nun also, der Nagual Elias und die liebe seines lebens, die hexe Amalia, verirrten sich in die welt der anorganischen wesen”, fuhr Don Juan fort. “Sie gingen nicht träumend dorthin, sondern mit ihrem physischen körper .... Ihr lehrer, der Nagual Rosendo, stand in temperament und praxis den alten zauberern sehr nah ....” .... hatte sich nämlich verrechnet, sagte er, als er annahm, dass die anorganischen wesen sich nicht im mindesten für frauen interessierten. His reasoning was correct and was guided by the sorcerers' knowledge that the universe is markedly female and that maleness, being an offshot of femaleness, is almost scarce, thus, coveted.
Kurz abschweifend, meinte Don Juan, dass diese seltenheit des männlichen prinzips vielleicht der grund für die ungerechtfertigte vorherrschaft der männer auf unserem planeten sei. [112f] [e103]
“Die manöver der zauberer sind lebensgefährlich”, fuhr Don Juan fort. “Ich beschwöre dich, sei ganz außerordentlich auf der hut. Hüte dich vor allem vor törichtem selbstvertrauen.” [114]

Die Welt der Schatten
“Du darfst nicht vergessen, dass die anorganischen wesen über ganz erstaunliche mittel verfügen”, fuhr er fort. “Ihre bewusstheit ist enorm. Verglichen damit sind wir nur kinder; und zwar kinder mit viel energie, auf die es die anorganischen wesen abgesehen haben.” [115]
“Weil die zweite pforte des träumens erst dann erreicht und durchschritten ist, wenn der träumer gelernt hat, die scouts fremder energie zu isolieren und ihnen zu folgen.” [116]
“Ich musste dich das träumen lehren”, sagte er, “nur weil dies die regel ist, die die alten zauberer aufgestellt haben. Der pfad des träumens ist voller fallgruben. Ob man diese fallen aber meidet oder hineintappt, ist die ganz persönliche und individuelle entscheidung eines jeden träumers - und, so darf ich hinzufügen, es ist eine endgültige entscheidung.”
Sind solche fallgruben eine folge der kapitulation vor schmeicheleien oder verheißungen der macht?”
“Nicht nur der kapitulation vor diesen dingen, sondern der kapitulation vor allem, was die anorganischen wesen uns anbieten. über einen gewissen punkt hinaus ist es den zauberern ganz unmöglich, irgendein angebot von ihnen anzunehmen.”
“Und was ist dieser gewisse punkt, Don Juan?”
“Dieser punkt ist von jedem einzelnen abhängig. Für jeden von uns kommt es darauf an, von dieser welt nur das anzunehmen, was wir brauchen, und nicht mehr. Zu wissen, was sie brauchen, ist eine kunst der zauberer; aber nur das zu nehmen, was sie brauchen, ist ihre höchste leistung. Diese einfache regel nicht zu begreifen, ist das sicherste mittel, um in eine fallgrube zu stürzen.”
“Was geschieht, wenn man stürzt, Don Juan?”
“Wenn man stürzt, zahlt man den preis. Und der preis richtet sich nach den jeweiligen bedingungen und nach der tiefe des sturzes. Aber eigentlich brauchen wir über solche möglichkeiten gar nicht zu sprechen, denn hier geht es nicht um bestrafung. Hier geht es um energieströme - und zwar energieströme, die bedingungen schaffen können, schrecklicher als der tod. Alles auf dem pfad der zauberer ist eine frage auf leben und tod; auf dem pfad des träumens aber verschärft sich diese option noch hundertfältig.” [117f]
“Ich weiß nur, dass das universum jenseits der zweiten pforte dem unseren am ähnlichsten ist; und unser universum ist ziemlich grausam und herzlos. Also können die beiden nicht so verschieden sein.” [119]
“Doch wenn ich es sage, muss ich bleiben, nicht wahr?” fragte ich.
“Natürlich”, sagte der botschafter, im ton endgültiger überzeugung. “Alles, was du in dieser welt laut aussprichst, gilt für immer.”
Unwillkürlich dachte ich daran, dass der botschafter, hätte er mich zum bleiben überlisten wollen, mich nur anzulügen brauchte. Ich hätte den unterschied nicht gemerkt.
”I cannot lie to you, because a lie doesn't exist,” the emissary said, intruding into my thoughts. ”I can tell you only about what exists. In my world, only intent exists; a lie has no intent behind it; therefore, it has no existence.”
I wanted to argue that there is intent even behind lies, but before I could voice my argument, the emissary said that behind lies there is intention but that intention is not intent (ein vorsatz sei aber noch keine absicht). [123] [e114f]
“Die protuberanzen an den tunnelwänden sind schattenwesen .... Ich bin eines von ihnen. Wir bewegen uns durch die tunnel, an ihren wänden, und laden uns mit der energie der tunnel auf, die unsere energie ist.” [126]
“Bei uns wohnen bewusste wesen aus den fernsten winkeln des kosmos”, sagte der botschafter zum abschluss seiner rede. “Und es gefällt ihnen, bei uns zu wohnen. Tatsächlich, keiner möchte wieder fort.”
In diesem moment kam mir der gedanke, dass dienstfertigkeit mir zutiefst zuwider war. Nie hatte ich mich in gegenwart von dienstboten wohlgefühlt und mich niemals bedienen lassen. [128]
“Ich werde mich nicht von den anorganischen wesen verlocken lassen - falls du das meinst”, sagte ich.
“Ich meine, dass sie dich überlisten werden”, sagte er. “Wie sie auch den Nagual Rosendo überlistet haben. Sie werden dich hereinlegen, und du wirst die falle nicht sehen, nicht mal argwöhnen. Sie verstehen ihr handwerk. Jetzt haben sie sogar ein kleines mädchen für dich erfunden.”
“Aber für mich gibt es keinen zweifel, dass dieses mädchen existiert”, beharrte ich.
“Es gibt kein kleines mädchen”, herrschte er mich an. “Dieser bläuliche energieklumpen ist ein scout. Ein kundschafter, gefangen im reich der anorganischen wesen. Ich habe dir doch gesagt, dass die anorganischen wesen wie fischer sind. Sie ködern und fangen bewusstsein.” ....
“Es braut sich etwas zusammen in dieser verdammten welt”, sagte er. “Und ich finde nicht heraus, was es ist.” [132]
Ich erlebte die schattenwelt - mit all den bedingungen, die für mich erleben ausmachen: ich konnte denken, urteilen, entscheidungen treffen; ich hatte eine psychische kontinuität. Mit anderen worten, ich war ich selbst. Das einzige, was fehlte, war mein sensorisches selbst. Ich hatte keinerlei körperempfindungen. Alle wahrnehmungen waren auf sehen und hören beschränkt. Und nun stand mein rationales denken vor einem sonderbaren dilemma: sehen und hören waren keine körperlichen fähigkeiten, sondern eigenschaften der visionen, die ich hatte. [134]
Im wesentlichen erzählte sie mir, was Don Juan mir gesagt hatte: dass sie ein scout sei, gefangen in den netzen dieser welt. Und sie fügte hinzu, dass sie die gestalt eines kleinen mädchens angenommen habe, weil diese gestalt mir und auch ihr vertraut sei, und dass sie meine hilfe brauche, genau wie ich die ihre ... Das kleine mädchen weinte sogar - wie mädchen ihres alters wohl weinen: aus furcht und verzweiflung. Ich ertrug es nicht mehr ....
Dann tat ich etwas unvorstellbares. Bevor meine traum-aufmerksamkeit schwand, schrie ich laut und deutlich meine absicht hinaus, meine energie mit der energie dieses gefangenen scouts zu verschmelzen und ihn zu befreien. [135f]

Der blaue Scout
Die energie der zauberer, meinte er, wirke auf den betrachter als jugend und kraft. ....
Endlich brach Florinda das eis: “Du wurdest in eine falle gelockt .... Du wurdest energetisch verwundet. Es war sehr kritisch .... Du hast gekämpft, und du hast verloren. Du hattest keine chance gegen diese meister der manipulation .... Du hattest mit ihnen eine begegnung auf leben und tod ....”
“Die anorganischen wesen haben dir eine falle gestellt, und du bist hineingetappt”, antwortete er .... “Die anorganischen wesen schnappten dich mit haut und haaren. Zuerst brachten sie deinen energiekörper in ihr reich, als du einem ihrer scouts folgtest, und dann nahmen sie deinen physischen körper.”
Don Juans gefährten wirkten schockiert. Einer von ihnen fragte Don Juan, ob die anorganischen wesen einen gewaltsam entführen könnten. Natürlich könnten sie dies, antwortete Don Juan. ....
“Die anorganischen wesen hängen aneinander, wie die zellen unseres körpers”, fuhr Don Juan fort. “Wenn sie ihre bewusstheit bündeln, sind sie unschlagbar. Es ist für sie eine kleinigkeit, uns aus unserer verankerung zu reißen und in ihre welt zu stoßen.” ....
“Du fühltest dich krank”, sagte er, “weil deine energie von den anorganischen wesen entladen und dann mit ihrer energie wieder aufgeladen worden ist. So etwas hätte genügt, um jeden zu töten. Aber als Nagual hast du zusätzliche energien, und darum bist du mit knapper not entronnen.” ....
“Das reich der anorganischen wesen erscheint vor dem physischen auge als eine gelbe nebelwelt”, sagte er. [139f]
So sehr ich es auch versuchte, es wollte mir nicht gelingen, was er von mir verlangte. Mein scheitern erlebte ich als ungewöhnliche müdigkeit, die mich von innen her auszutrocknen schien. Bevor Don Juan hinausging, sagte ich zu ihm, dass ich unter angst litte.
“Das hat nichts zu bedeuten”, sagte er unbekümmert. “Sieh zu, dass du deine energie wiedergewinnst, und sorge dich nicht um solchen quatsch.”
Es vergingen mehr als zwei wochen, während langsam meine energie wiederkehrte. Dennoch machte ich mir weiterhin sorgen um alles und jedes. Vor allem sorgte ich mich um ein gefühl, mir selber fremd geworden zu sein - namentlich eine gewisse kälte in mir, die ich bislang nicht bemerkt hatte, eine art gleichgültigkeit und distanziertheit, die ich auf meinen mangel an energie zurückführte, bis ich diese wiederfand. Dann wurde mir klar, dass es eine neue eigenschaft meines wesens war - eine eigenschaft, die mich dauernd von meinen gefühlen trennte. Um gefühle hervorzurufen, die ich gewöhnt war, musste ich sie umständlich heraufbeschwören und einen augenblick warten, bis sie sich einstellten.
Eine weitere neue eigenschaft meines wesens war eine befremdliche sehnsucht, die mich von zeit zu zeit überfiel. Ich sehnte mich nach irgend jemandem, den ich nicht kannte. Es war ein so überwältigendes und verzehrendes gefühl, dass ich, wenn ich es erlebte, unaufhörlich im zimmer auf und ab laufen musste, um linderung zu finden. Die sehnsuch blieb mir, bis ich lernte, mir eine weitere neuerung in meinem leben zunutze zu machen: eine unbeugsame selbstkontrolle, so neu und mächtig, dass sie mir noch mehr anlass zur sorge gab. [142f]
Das kleine mädchen aus der welt der anorganischen wesen stand am fußende meines bettes und sah mich mit ihren kalten, stahlblauen augen an.
Ich sprang aus dem bett und schrie so laut, dass drei von Don Juans gefährten bei mir im zimmer waren, bevor ich zu schreien aufhörte. [143]
Alle waren sich einig, dass ein scout ein stück fremder energie sei, eingedrungen durch die mauern, welche die zweite aufmerksamkeit von der alltagswelt scheiden. [144]
“Keine sorge”, sagte er lachend. “Zauberei ist aktion. Wenn die zeit gekommen ist, wirst du deine leidenschaft ausagieren, genau wie ich die meine. Meine ist, mich mit meinem schicksal abzufinden, nicht passiv wie ein idiot, sondern aktiv wie ein krieger. Deine ist, ganz vorbehaltlos und unbedacht loszustürmen, um die ketten eines anderen zu zerbrechen.”
Als ich meine energie mit der des scouts vermischte, so erklärte mir Don Juan, hätte ich wirklich aufgehört zu existieren ....
“Der scout ist ein empfindliches lebewesen aus einer anderen dimension. Jetzt ist er ein kleines mädchen. Und dieses mädchen sagte mir, dass sie, um die nötige energie zu gewinnen und die schranken zu durchbrechen, die sie in der welt der anorganischen wesen gefangen hielten, deine ganze energie von dir nehmen musste. Dies ist nun ihr menschlicher teil. Etwas wie dankbarkeit führte sie zu mir. Als ich sie sah, wusste ich sofort, dass es dich erwischt hatte.”
“Und was machtest du dann, Don Juan?”
“Ich mobilisierte alle, die ich erreichen konnte, vor allem Carol Tiggs, und wir flogen los - ins reich der anorganischen wesen”.
“Warum Carol Tiggs?”
“Erstens, weil sie unerschöpfliche energie hat, und zweitens, weil sie sich mit dem scout vertraut machen sollte. Wir alle haben durch diese erfahrung etwas unermesslich wertvolles gefunden. Du und Carol Tiggs, ihr fandet den scout. Und wir anderen fanden einen grund, unsere ganze physische existenz auf unseren energiekörper zu stellen: wir wurden energie.”
“Wie habt ihr das gemacht, Don Juan?”
“Wir haben gemeinsam und gleichzeitig unseren montagepunkt verschoben. Den rest besorgte unsere makellose absicht, dich zu retten. Der scout führte uns im handumdrehen dorthin, wo du als halbtoter lagst, und Carol schleppte dich heraus .... Wie könntest du das verstehen, wo du nicht mal genügend energie hast, um aus dem bett zu steigen?” ....
“Mangel an energie ist es, was deine erinnerung unter verschluss hält”, sagte er. “Wenn du genügend energie hast, wird dein gedächtnis wieder ausgezeichnet arbeiten.”
“Glaubst du, ich werde mich an alles erinnern können, woran ich mich erinnern will?”
“Nicht ganz. Du magst wollen, soviel du willst, aber wenn das maß deiner energie nicht der bedeutung dessen entspricht, was du weißt, kannst du deinem wissen getrost lebewohl sagen: es wird dir niemals zugänglich sein.”
“Also, was soll ich tun, Don Juan?”
“Energie hat die neigung, zu akkumulieren. Folge nur makellos dem pfad der krieger, dann kommt der moment, da dein gedächtnis sich öffnen wird. ....”
Dass du mehr weißt über diese welt als wir alle, sollte für dich kein grund zur zufriedenheit sein. Solch ein wissen hat keine vorteile. Immerhin konntest du dich nicht retten, trotz all deines wissens. Wir konnten dich retten, weil wir dich fanden. Doch ohne die hilfe des scouts wäre schon der versuch, dich zu finden, sinnlos gewesen. Du warst so endgültig verloren in dieser welt, dass mir graut, wenn ich nur daran denke.” ....
“Du hast den scout befreit”, fuhr Don Juan fort, “aber du hast dein leben aufgegeben. Oder schlimmer noch, du hast deine freiheit aufgegeben. Nur im austausch für dich haben die anorganischen wesen den scout freigelassen.”
“Das kann ich kaum glauben, Don Juan. Nicht dass ich an deinen worten zweifle, verstehst du, aber du schilderst mir ein so hinterhältiges manöver, dass ich sprachlos bin.”
“Betrachte es nicht als hinterhältigkeit, und du hast die ganze wahrheit in einer nussschale. Die anorganischen wesen sind immer auf der suche nach bewusstheit und energie. Wenn du bereit bist, ihnen beides zu bieten - was, glaubst du, werden sie tun? Dir kusshändchen über die straße zuwerfen?” ....
“Wie kann ich ihn befreien?” ....
“Frage den botschafter. Die anorganischen wesen können nicht lügen, wie du weißt.” [145ff]

Die dritte Pforte des Träumens
“Die dritte pforte des träumens ist erreicht, wenn du im traum jemand anderen schlafen siehst, und dieser andere bist du selbst”, sagte Don Juan. ....
“Bei der dritten traumpforte”, fuhr er fort, “beginnst du deine traum-wirklichkeit bewusst mit der alltäglichen wirklichkeit zu verschmelzen. Dies ist der vorgesehene ausbildungs-drill, und die zauberer bezeichnen es als vervollständigung des energiekörpers. Die verschmelzung der beiden realitäten soll so gründlich erfolgen, dass du beweglicher sein musst denn je. An der dritten pforte musst du alles untersuchen, mit großer vorsicht und neugier. .... Vor der dritten pforte haben wir die neigung, uns in details zu verlieren .... Der energiekörper ist wie ein kind, das sein leben lang eingesperrt war. Sobald er nun frei wird, saugt er alles auf, was er finden kann, und ich meine buchstäblich alles. Jedes belanglose, winzige detail absorbiert den energiekörper gänzlich .... Die dümmste kleinigkeit kann für den energiekörper zu einer eigenen welt werden .... Die träumer müssen alles daransetzen, den energiekörper zu steuern .... Unsere rationalität ist es, die den energiekörper an der dritten pforte zwingt, sich so hartnäckig mit überflüssigen details zu befassen. Was wir an der dritten pforte brauchen, ist also irrationale beweglichkeit, irrationale selbstvergessenheit, um solche hartnäckigkeit auszugleichen.” ....
Einmal, als wir im nationalen museum für anthropologie und geschichte in Mexico City waren, befragte ich ihn wegen dieser sonderbaren situation. Was mich zu meiner frage bewog, war, dass ich in jenem augenblick die seltene fähigkeit hatte, mich an alles zu erinnern, was mir im lauf meiner bekannschaft mit Don Juan passiert war. Und dies machte mich so frei, so wagemutig und leichtsinnig, dass ich beinahe umhertanzte.
“....dass die position des montagepunktes wie ein tresor ist, wo die zauberer ihre erinnerungsprotokolle aufbewahren”, sagte er. “Ich war außer mir vor freude, als dein engergiekörper meine absicht spürte und du mich fragtest. Der energiekörper weiß ungeheuer viel. Komm, ich werde dir zeigen, wieviel er weiß.”
Er befahl mir, mich in völlige innere stille zu versetzen. Und er erinnerte mich daran, dass ich mich bereits in einem besonderen bewusstseinszustand befinde, weil mein montagepunkt sich durch seine gegenwart verlagert habe. Er versicherte mir, dass das eintreten in völlige stille es den skulpturen in diesem saal ermöglichen würde, mich unausdenkbares sehen und hören zu machen .... dass ich, im zustand völliger stille, tatsächlich manches aus dem leben der menschen sehen würde, die diese gegenstände gemacht hatten.
Und dann begann für mich der sonderbarste museumsrundgang, den ich je erlebt habe. Im saal auf und ab schreitend, schilderte und interpretierte er mir erstaunliche details all dieser großen ausstellungsstücke. Ihm zufolge war jedes archäologische stück in diesem saal ein von den menschen der vorzeit absichtlich hinterlassenes protokoll - ein protokoll, das Don Juan als zauberer mir vorlesen konnte, fast wie ein buch.
“Jedes stück hier ist dazu bestimmt, eine verlagerung des montagepunktes auszulösen”, fuhr er fort. “Fixiere deinen blick auf irgendeines, tauche ein ins innere schweigen und finde heraus, ob dein montagepunkt sich verlagern wird oder nicht.”
“Wie soll ich wissen, ob er sich verlagert hat?”
“Du wirst dinge sehen und fühlen, die dir normalerweise nicht zugänglich sind.” [149ff]
”You are not yet ready for a true merging of your dreaming reality and your daily reality,” he concluded. ”You must recapitulate your life further.”
”But I've done all the recapitulation possible,” I protested. ”I've been recapitulating for years. There is nothing more I can remember about my life.”
”There must be much more,” he said adamantly, ”otherwise, you wouldn't wake up screaming.”
I did not like the idea of having to recapitulate again. I had done it, and I believed I had done it so well that I did not need to touch the subject ever again.
”The recapitulation of our lives never ends, no matter how well we've done it once,” don Juan said. ”The reason average people lack volition in their dreams is that they have never recapitulated and their lives are filled to capacity with heavily loaded emotions like memories, hopes, fears, et ceterea, et cetera.
”Sorcerers, in contrast, are relatively free from heavy, binding emotions, because of their recapitulation. And if something stops them, as it has stopped you at this moment, the assumption is that there is still something in them that is not quite clear.”
”To recapitulate is too involving, don Juan. Maybe there is something else I can do instead.”
”No. There isn't. Recapitulating and dreaming go hand in hand. As we regurgitate our lives, we get more and more airborne.”
Don Juan had given me very detailed and explicit instructions about the recapitulation. It consisted of reliving the totality of one's life experiences by remembering every possible minute detail of them. He saw the recapitulation as the essential factor in a dreamer's redefinition and redeployment of energy. ”The recapitulation sets free energy imprisoned within us, and without this liberated energy dreaming is not possible.” That was his statement.
Years before, don Juan had coached me to make a list of all the people I had met in my life, starting at the present. He helped me to arrange my list in an orderly fashion, breaking it down into areas of activity, such as jobs I had, schools I had attended. Then he guided me to go, without deviation, from the first person on my list to the last one, reliving every one of my interactions with them.
He explained that recapitulating an event starts with one's mind arranging everything pertinent to what is being recapitulated. Arranging means reconstructing the event, piece by piece, starting by recollecting the physical details of the surroundings, then going to the person with whom one shared the interaction, and then going to oneself, to the examination of one's feelings.
Don Juan taught me that the recapitulation is coupled with a natural, rhythmical breathing. Long exhalations are performed as the head moves gently and slowly from right to left; and long inhalations are taken as the head moves back from left to right. He called this act of moving the head from side to side `fanning the event.' The mind examines the event from beginning to end while the body fans, on and on, everything the mind focuses on.
Don Juan said that the sorcerers of antiquity, the inventors of the recapitulation, viewed breathing as a magical, life-giving act and used it, accordingly, as a magical vehicle; the exhalation, to eject the foreign energy left in them during the interaction being recapitulated and the inhalation to pull back the energy that they themselves left behind during the interaction.
Because of my academic training, I took the recapitulation to be the process af analyzing one's life. But don Juan insisted that it was more involved than an intellectual psychoanalysis. He postulated the recapitulation as a sorcerer's ploy to induce a minute but steady displacement of the assemblage point. He said that the assemblage point, under the impact of reviewing past actions and feelings, goes back and forth between its present site and the site it occupied when the event being recapitulated took place.
Don Juan stated that the sorcerer's rationale behind the recapitulation was their conviction that there is an inconceivable dissolving force in the universe, which makes organisms live by lending them awareness. That force also makes organisms die, in order to extract the same lent awareness, which organisms have enhanced through their life experiences. Don Juan explained the old sorcerer's reasoning. They believed that since it is our life experience this force is after, it is of supreme importance that it can be satisfied with a facsimile of our life experience: the recapitulation. Having had what it seeks, the dissolving force then lets sorcerers go, free to expand their capacity to perceive and reach with it the confines of time and space.
When I started again to recapitulate, it was a great surprise to me that my dreaming practices were automatically suspended the moment my recapitulation began. I asked don Juan about this unwanted recess.
”Dreaming requires every bit of our available energy,” he replied. ”If there is a deep preoccupation in our life, there is no possibility of dreaming.'
”But I have been deeply preoccupied before,” I said, ”and my practices were never interrupted.”
”It must be then that every time you thought you where preoccupied, you were only egomaniacally disturbed,” he said laughing. ”To be preoccupied, for sorcerers, means that all your energy sources are taken on. This is the first time you've engaged your energy sources in their totality. The rest of the time, even when you recapitulated before, you were not completely absorbed.”
Diesmal gab Don Juan mir eine neue form der rekapitulation auf. Ich sollte verschiedene ereignisse meines lebens rekapitulieren, scheinbar ohne ordnung, wie bei einem puzzle.
“Das wird aber ein schönes durcheinander”, protestierte ich.
“Nein, wird es nicht”, versicherte er. “Es wird ein durcheinander, wenn du dein kleinliches eigeninteresse entscheiden lässt, welche ereignisse du rekapitulieren willst. Lass doch statt dessen den geist entscheiden. Werde ganz still, und dann befasse dich mit dem ereignis, das der geist dir zeigt.”
Die ergebnisse dieser form von rekapitulation waren in mancher hinsicht schockierend für mich. Sehr eindrucksvoll war die entdeckung, dass eine scheinbar unabhängige kraft mich immer dann, wenn ich mich in inneres schweigen versetzte, in eine sehr ausführliche erinnerung an ein ereignis meines lebens stürzte. Aber noch eindrucksvoller war es, dass dies ein sehr geordnetes bild ergab. Eine methode, die ich für chaotisch gehalten hatte, erwies sich als äußerst effektiv.
Ich fragte Don Juan, warum er mich nicht von anfang an auf diese weise hatte rekapitulieren lassen. Und er antwortete, dass es beim rekapitulieren zwei wesentliche phasen gebe: die erste nannte er förmlichkeit und starre, die zweite beweglichkeit. [155ff] [e147ff]
“Warum haben deine anorganischen freunde dir nicht geholfen?”
“Warum nennst du sie meine freunde, Don Juan?”
“Ach, sie sind doch die klassischen freunde - nicht direkt wohlgesinnt, aber auch nicht böse. Freunde, die nur darauf warten, dass wir uns umdrehen, damit sie uns einen dolch in den rücken stoßen können.” [162]
“Verhalte dich makellos, das habe ich dir dutzende male gesagt. Makellos sein heißt, dein leben ganz auf deine entscheidungen auszurichten - und dann eine menge mehr als dein bestes zu tun, um diese entscheidungen zu verwirklichen. Wenn du nichts entscheidest, spielst du nur aufs geratewohl roulette mit deinem leben.” ....
Bei meinen folgenden träumen fand ich aber bestätigung, dass die einzige art, wie der energiekörper sich bewegen kann, im gleiten oder schweben besteht. [163]
“Du bist nicht langsam. Bei zauberern dauert es eine ewigkeit, bis sie lernen, ihren energiekörper zu bewegen. ....”
“Von einem scout sich transportieren zu lassen, ist, wie du weißt, die eigentliche traum-aufgabe der zweiten pforte” .... [164]
“Aufrichtig zu sein ist alles, worauf es ankommt.” [167] [e159]
Der grund, warum mein energiekörper allerlei details untersuchen und sich unlösbar darin verstricken müsse, erklärte mir Don Juan, sei dessen unerfahrenheit, seine unvollständigkeit. Er sagte, dass zauberer ein leben lang damit beschäftigt sind, ihren energiekörper zu konsolidieren, indem sie ihn alles mögliche aufsaugen lassen ....
Nun glauben die zauberer, sagte Don Juan, dass die optimale position des montagepunktes erreicht ist, sobald der energiekörper sich von selbst bewegen kann. Der nächste schritt ist dann, den montagepunkt anzupirschen, das heißt ihn in dieser position zu fixieren, um den energiekörper zu komplettieren. Und er meinte, dass dieser vorgang das einfachste von der welt sei: man braucht nur die absicht, ihn anzupirschen ....
“.... Für das beabsichtigen aber gibt es keine technik. Man beabsichtigt einfach, indem man beabsichtigt.” [168f] [e161]
“Du hast herausgefunden, dass dein energiekörper komplett war ... Angefangen hat es schon vor einiger zeit, als es dir gelang, eine richtschnur zu finden, um die realität deiner träume zu überprüfen. Dann aber begann irgend etwas für dich zu arbeiten - und ließ dich wissen, ob du einen normalen traum hattest oder nicht. Dieses etwas war dein energiekörper. Und jetzt verzweifelst du daran, dass du nicht die ideale stelle finden kannst, um deinen montagepunkt zu fixieren. Aber ich sage dir, du hast sie schon gefunden. Der beweis ist, dass dein energiekörper, wenn er sich umherbewegt, nicht mehr so zwanghaft an details interessiert ist.” ....
“Wenn sie im traum die energie eines gegenstandes sehen, wissen sie, dass sie es mit einer realen welt zu tun haben, ganz gleich, wie verzerrt diese welt ihrer traum-aufmerksamkeit erscheinen mag. Wenn sie nicht die energie eines gegenstands sehen, sind sie in einem gewöhnlichen traum, nicht in einer realen welt.” ....
Und dann gab Don Juan mir eine neue definition des träumens: ein prozess, durch den träumer jene bedingungen des träumens isolieren, durch die sie engergie erzeugende elemente im traum finden können .... träumen ist ein prozess, durch den wir beabsichtigen, adäquate positionen des montagepunktes zu finden - positionen, die uns erlauben, energie erzeugende gegenstände in traumverwandten zuständen wahrzunehmen. ....
In unserer welt, fügte er hinzu, brutzeln die dinge nicht, hier flimmern sie. ....
Wohl hätte ich alle nötigen informationen zur verfügung gehabt, meinte er, um herauszufinden, was die eigentliche aufgabe an der dritten pforte des träumens sei; aber mein interpretationsschema habe mich gezwungen, ausgefallene lösungen zu suchen, denen vor allem eines fehlte: die einfachheit und direktheit der zauberei. [171f]


Das neue Forschungsgebiet
Um beim träumen zu sehen, sagte Don Juan, müsse ich nicht nur das Sehen beabsichtigen, sondern auch meine absicht laut aussprechen. Aus gründen, die er allerdings nicht erklären wollte, beharrte er darauf, ich müsse dies laut sagen. Wohl räumte er ein, es gebe auch andere mittel zum selben zweck, aber er war überzeugt, das aussprechen der eigenen absicht sei der einfachste und direkteste weg. [173]
Doch meine traum-aufmerksamkeit wurde von einem beweglichen lichtschein gefangengenommen. Hasserfüllt kam er auf mich losgestürzt. Ja, es lag abscheu und bosheit in diesem licht. Ich sprang zurück. Das licht verhielt in seinem angriff. Eine schwarze substanz verschlang mich, und ich erwachte. ....
“Diesmal hast du nicht nur energie gesehen, sondern eine gefährliche grenze überschritten .... Dein energiekörper hat sich bewegt .... er hat von selbst eine reise angetreten. Doch eine solche reise übersteigt momentan deine fähigkeiten. Und irgend etwas hat dich angegriffen .... Dies ist ein räuberisches universum”, sagte er. “Es mag eines der unzähligen wesen gewesen sein, die es dort draußen gibt.”
“Warum glaubst du, hat es mich angegriffen?”
“Aus dem gleichen grund, weshalb die organischen wesen dich angriffen: weil du dich zugänglich machtest.”
“Ist es so einfach, Don Juan?”
“Gewiss. Es ist so einfach wie das, was du tun würdest, wenn eine unheimliche spinne über deinen tisch krabbelte, während du mit schreiben beschäftigt wärst. Du würdest sie zerdrücken, aus furcht, statt ihre schönheit zu bewundern oder zu studieren.” ....
“Aus irgendeinem grund, der mit der funktion unseres geistes zusammenhängt, ist es erschütternder als alles andere, wenn man energie im traum sieht .... Dein energiekörper ist jetzt komplett und einsatzfähig”, sagte er. “Wenn du also energie im traum siehst, nimmst du eine reale welt wahr - wenn auch im gewand eines traumes. Das ist die bedeutung der reise, die du unternommen hast. Sie war real. Es gab energie erzeugende objekte, die dich beinahe das leben kosteten .... Das wesen, das dich angriff, bestand aus reiner bewusstheit und war so gefährlich, wie etwas nur gefährlich sein kann. Du hast seine energie gesehen. Ich bin sicher, du weißt jetzt, dass wir, solange wir nicht im traum sehen, ein reales, energie erzeugendes objekt nicht von einer phantomprojektion unterscheiden können. Auch wenn du also in einen kampf mit den anorganischen wesen verwickelt wurdest, auch wenn du die scouts und die tunnel tatsächlich gesehen hast, weiß dein energiekörper nicht mit gewissheit, ob sie real waren, das heißt ob sie energie erzeugten. Du bist dir zu neunundneunzig prozent sicher, nicht zu hundert prozent.” ....
“Du bist eindeutig in eine andere haut der zwiebel vorgestoßen”, sagte Don Juan zum abschluss einer erklärung, auf die ich nicht weiter geachtet hatte. .... “Die welt ist wie eine zwiebel. Sie hat viele schichten. Die welt, die wir kennen, ist nur eine davon. Manchmal überschreiten wir die grenzen und stoßen in eine andere schicht vor: in eine andere welt, dieser ganz ähnlich, aber nicht dieselbe. Und du bist in eine davon vorgestoßen, ganz von selbst.”
“Wie ist diese reise möglich, von der du sprichts, Don Juan?”
“Das ist eine sinnlose frage, denn niemand kann sie beantworten. Nach auffassung der zauberer ist das universum in schichten aufgebaut, die der energiekörper durchqueren kann. Weißt du, wo die alten zauberer noch bis zum heutigen tag leben? In einer anderen schicht; in einer anderen haut der zwiebel.” [175ff]
“Deine schwierigkeit ist dein zynismus. Früher war ich wie du. Der zynismus erlaubt uns nicht, unser weltverständnis konsequent zu verändern. Er zwingt uns auch zu der überzeugung, dass wir immer recht hätten .... Ich möchte dir etwas ganz verrücktes vorschlagen, das eine wendung herbeiführen könnte”, sagte er. “Wiederhole dir unaufhörlich, dass das mysterium des montagepunktes der dreh- und angelpunkt der zauberei ist. Wenn du es dir lange genug wiederholst, wird eine unsichtbare kraft die führung übernehmen und die geeigneten veränderungen in dir bewirken.” ....
“Gib deine zynische haltung auf”, herrschte er mich an. “Wiederhole die formel in gutem glauben.”
“Das geheimnis des montagepunktes ist alles in der zauberei”, fuhr er fort, ohne mich anzusehen. “Oder besser gesagt, alles in der zauberei beruht auf der manipulation des montagepunktes. Das weißt du wohl, aber du musst es dir wiederholen.” [178] [e171f]
Zuerst wies er mich darauf hin, dass es einen gewaltigen unterschied gebe zwischen den gedanken und taten moderner menschen und den menschen der vorzeit. Und dann meinte er, die menschen der vorzeit hätten eine sehr realistische auffassung von bewusstsein und wahrnehmung gehabt, denn ihre auffassung resultierte aus der beobachtung des sie umgebenden universums. Die modernen menschen hingegen hätten eine absurd unrealistische auffassung von bewusstsein und wahrnehmung, weil ihre ansichten auf ihrer beobachtung der sozialordnung und ihrem verhalten in dieser sozialen welt beruhten.
“Warum sagst du mir all diese dinge?” fragte ich.
“Weil du ein moderner mensch bist, natürlich, aber verstrickt in die auffassungen und beobachtungen der menschen der vorzeit”, antwortete er. “Und all diese beobachtungen und auffassungen sind dir fremd. Mehr denn je brauchst du jetzt mut und nüchternheit. Ich versuche eine brücke zu bauen - eine brücke, die du beschreiten kannst - zwischen den ansichten der menschen der vorzeit und jenen der modernen menschen.”
Unter allen transzendentalen beobachtungen der menschen alter zeiten, sagte er, sei eine einzige mir vertraut - nämlich die, dass wir, um unsterblichkeit zu erlangen, unsere seele dem teufel verkaufen, was für Don Juan, wie er einräumte, viel ähnlichkeit habe mit der beziehung der alten zauberer zu den anorganischen wesen. Er erinnerte mich daran, wie der traumbotschafter versucht hatte, mich zum bleiben in seinem reich zu bewegen, indem er mir die möglichkeit bot, meine individualität und mein bewusstsein beinah eine ewigkeit lang zu bewahren.
“Vor den verlockungen der anorganischen wesen zu kapitulieren, ist, wie du weißt, nicht nur eine idee: es ist real”, fuhr er fort. “Aber die konsequenzen dieser realität hast du noch nicht ganz erkannt. ähnlich ist auch das träumen real. Es ist ein energie erzeugender zustand. Du hörst meine worte, und gewiss verstehst du, was ich meine. Aber dein bewusstsein hat noch nicht die ganze tragweite dessen erfasst.” ....
“.... dann würdest du beim träumen vorsichtiger und bewusster vorgehen. Da du aber glaubst, es wären nur träume, gehst du blindlings risiken ein. Deine irrende vernunft sagt dir, dass der traum, was immer passieren mag, irgenwann vorbei sein wird und du erwachen wirst.” [179f] [e172f]
“Zum ersten mal kannst du jetzt verstehen, dass gewöhnliche träume vorbereitende mittel sind, eingesetzt, um den montagepunkt auf das erreichen jener position zu trainieren, die den energie erzeugenden zustand schafft, den wir als träumen bezeichnen.” ....
“Du kannst deinen montagepunkt rasch und mit leichtigkeit verschieben”, sagte er. “Aber diese leichtigkeit hat die tendenz, dass die verschiebung aufs geratewohl geschieht. Korrigiere diese leichtigkeit. Und erlaube dir keine umwege, nicht einen millimeter breit.”
Wie leicht hätte ich nun einwenden können, dass ich nicht wisse, wovon er sprach - aber ich wusste es. Ich wusste auch, dass mir nur sekunden blieben, um all meine energie aufzubieten und meine einstellung zu ändern. Und das tat ich.
Damit endete unser gespräch an diesem tag. Ich fuhr nach hause, und fast ein jahr lang wiederholte ich jeden tag getreulich den satz, den Don Juan mir zu wiederholen aufgetragen hatte. Das ergebnis meiner beschwörenden litanei war unglaublich. Ich war fest überzeugt, dass es auf mein bewusstsein die gleiche wirkung hatte, die ein sportliches training auf die muskulatur hat. Mein montagepunkt wurde beweglicher, was bedeutete, dass das sehen von energie beim träumen zum einzigen ziel meiner übungen wurde. Meine fähigkeit, das sehen zu beabsichtigen, wuchs im maßstab meiner anstrengungen. Und dann gelang es mir irgendwann, das sehen nur zu beabsichtigen, ohne ein wort zu äußern, wobei ich die gleichen resultate erzielte, wie wenn ich meine absicht, zu sehen, laut aussprach. [181] [e174f]
Ich entdeckte, dass die energie in unserer welt flimmert. Sie oszilliert. Nicht nur die lebewesen, sondern alles in unserer welt flimmert von einem eigenen licht. Don Juan erklärte mir, dass die energie unserer welt aus schichten schimmernder farbtöne besteht. Die oberste schicht ist weißlich, die nächste, unmittelbar daran angrenzend, ist resedagrün, und wieder eine andere, etwas weiter entfernt, ist bernsteingelb. Ich fand all diese farbtöne wieder, oder vielmehr sah ich den schimmer immer dann, wenn gegenstände, die ich im traum antraf, ihre form veränderten. Doch ein weißlicher schimmer war immer das erste, wenn ich dinge sah, die energie erzeugten.
“Gibt es nur drei verschiedene farbtöne?” fragte ich Don Juan.
“Es gibt unendlich viele”, antwortete er. “Für den anfang aber solltest du dich auf diese drei beschränken. Später kannst du dich auf kompliziertere dinge einlassen und dutzende von farbtönen isolieren, falls du es willst und kannst.
Die weißliche schicht ist die farbe der gegenwärtigen position des montagepunktes”, fuhr Don Juan fort. “Man könnte sagen, es ist ein moderner farbton. Die zauberer glauben, dass alles, was der mensch heute tut, in dieses licht getaucht ist. Zu anderen zeiten ließ die position des menschlichen montagepunktes die färbung der in der welt vorherrschenden energie resedagrün erscheinen. Und wieder zu anderen, noch ferneren zeiten war sie bernsteingelb. Die energie der zauberer ist bernsteinfarben, und das heißt, dass sie energetisch mit den menschen verbunden sind, die in ferner vergangenheit lebten.”
“Glaubst du, Don Juan, dass die heutige, weißliche farbe sich eines tages ändern wird?”
“Falls der mensch fähig ist, sich weiterzuentwickeln. Die große aufgabe der zauberer gesteht darin, die idee zu berbreiten, dass der mensch, um sich weiterzuentwickeln, zuerst sein bewusstsein von allen bindungen an die sozialordnung befreien muss. Sobald das bewusstsein frei ist, wird die absicht es auf einen neuen, evolutionären weg steuern.”
“Glaubst du, es wird den zauberern gelingen?”
“Es ist ihnen schon gelungen. Sie selbst sind der beweis. Etwas anderes ist es aber, andere menschen von wert und wichtigkeit solcher weiterentwicklung zu überzeugen.” ....
“Wie kann man feststellen, ob scouts aus einer anderen welt als jener der anorganischen wesen stammen?”
“Je stärker ihr brutzeln, aus desto weiterer ferne kommen sie.” [182f]
“Scouts sind immer sehr aggressiv und sehr wagemutig”, sagte er. “Das müssen sie sein, um ihre erkundungsfahrten zu überstehen. Wenn wir unsere traum-aufmerksamkeit auf sie richten, so heißt dies nichts anderes, als dass wir sie auffordern, ihre aufmerksamkeit auf uns zu richten. Sobald sie ihre aufmerksamkeit auf uns gerichtet haben, sind wir gezwungen, mit ihnen zu gehen. Und das ist natürlich die gefahr. Möglicherweise geraten wir in welten jenseits unserer energetischen möglichkeiten.” ....
“Aber die wildesten scouts verbergen sich hinter menschen in unseren träumen. Mir selbst stand beim träumen eine schreckliche überraschung bevor, als ich meinen blick auf das traumbild meiner mutter richtete. Nachdem ich meine absicht, zu sehen, ausgesprochen hatte, verwandelte sie sich in eine grimmige, beängstigende blase brutzelnder energie.” ....
“Es ist ärgerlich, dass sie stets mit traumbildern unserer eltern oder naher freunde verbunden sind”, fuhr er fort. “Vielleicht ist das der grund, warum wir uns manchmal unbehaglich fühlen, wenn wir von ihnen träumen .... Als faustregel nehmen die träumer an, dass ein scout dieses dritten typs immer dann zugegen ist, wenn sie sich in einem traum von ihren eltern oder freunden belästigt fühlen. Ich kann dir vernünftigerweise nur raten, solche traumbilder zu meiden. Sie sind reines gift.” ....
Und er sagte, dass die gefährlichen scouts vom drittem typ leuchtend orange wären. [184f]
“Ihre welt ist versiegelt. Niemand kann sie ohne zustimmung der anorganischen wesen betreten oder verlassen ....
Worte waren in alten zeiten unglaublich mächtig. Heute sind sie es nicht mehr. Im reich der anorganischen wesen haben sie ihre macht aber nicht verloren.” [186]
“Die energie, die nötig ist, um den montagepunkt der zauberer zu bewegen, kommt aus dem reich der anorganischen wesen .... Und es ist das vermächtnis der alten zauberer an uns. Sie haben uns damit gefesselt, bis auf den heutigen tag. Dies ist der grund, warum ich sie nicht leiden kann. Ich hasse es, nur aus einer quelle schöpfen zu müssen. Ich persönlich weigere mich, es zu tun. Und ich habe versucht, dich davon abzuhalten. Doch erfolglos, weil etwas dich magnetisch in diese welt zieht. .... Wir dürfen uns nicht auf sie einlassen .... und doch können wir uns nicht von ihnen fernhalten. Meine lösung ist, ihre energie zu nehmen, aber nicht ihrem einfluss nachzugeben. Dies nennen wir das endgültige pirschen. Es geschieht, indem man mit unbeugsamer absicht an der freiheit festhält, auch wenn kein zauberer weiß, was freiheit wirklich ist.” ....
“Es gibt keine andere brauchbare energie für zauberer. Um den montagepunkt so zu manipulieren, wie sie es tun, brauchen die zauberer ein übermaß an energie.” [187f]


Die Pirscher anpirschen

“Es gibt kein risiko, das wir scheuen, kein mittel, das wir ablehnen sollten, um unser bewusstsein zu steigern. Vergiss aber nicht, dass bewusstheit nur bei nüchternem verstand gesteigert werden kann.” [189]
“Die pirscher anzupirschen bedeutet, bewusst energie aus dem reich der anorganischen wesen abzuziehen, um ein meisterstück der zauberei auszuführen .... eine reise, bei der bewusstheit als bestandteil der umwelt eingesetzt wird .... als .... element .... das zur fortbewegung benutzt werden kann. Durch das medium des bewusstseins kommen scouts aus dem ganzen universum zu uns, und umgekehrt. Durch das bewusstsein reisen zauberer bis an das ende des universums.” ....
“Ich habe nicht gesagt, es sei ein physikalisches element”, korrigierte er mich. “Es ist ein energetisches element. Diesen unterschied musst du beachten. Für zauberer, die sehen, ist bewusstsein eine leuchtende glut. Sie können ihren energiekörper an diese glut ankoppeln und damit fliegen.” ....
Don Juan erklärte mir, es sei der kern aller zauberei, bewusstheit als element unserer umwelt zu nutzen. Praktisch betrachtet, ginge es bei der zauberei erstens darum, die in uns existierende energie freizusetzen, indem wir makellos dem weg der zauberer folgen; zweitens, diese energie zu nutzen, um den energiekörper mit hilfe des träumens zu entwickeln; und drittens, bewusstheit als element der umwelt zu nutzen, um mit dem energiekörper und all unserer körperlichkeit in andere welten vorzudringen.
“Es gibt zwei arten von energie-reisen in andere welten”, fuhr er fort. “Die eine ist, wenn bewusstheit den energiekörper des zauberers aufhebt und hinwegführt, wohin immer sie mag; die andere, wenn der zauberer sich ganz bewusst entscheidet, den pfad des bewusstseins zu nutzen, um eine reise zu machen. Du hast reisen von ersterer art unternommen. Um die zweite anzutreten, braucht es gewaltige disziplin”.
Don Juan schwieg lange, und dann erklärte er, es gebe im leben der zauberer manche situationen, die eine meisterhafte beherrschung verlangten. Die wichtigste, gefährlichste und entscheidende dieser situationen aber sei der umgang mit dem bewusstsein als einem energetischen - dem energiekörper zugänglichen - element. ....
“Du allein wirst nicht genug energie haben, um die letzte aufgabe der dritten traumpforte zu erfüllen”, fuhr er fort. “Aber du und Carol Tiggs, ihr beide werdet ganz gewiss schaffen, was mir vorschwebt.” ....
“Ihr beide sollt die grenzen der alltäglichen welt durchbrechen und, bewusstsein als energetisches element nutzend, in eine andere welt eintreten”, sagte er. “Dieses durchbrechen und eintreten ist nichts anderes als das anpirschen der pirscher. Wenn man bewusstheit als element der umwelt benutzt, so umgeht man den einfluss der anorganischen wesen, nutzt aber gleichwohl deren energie.” [190ff]
Die waagschale zum kippen zu bringen bedeute, erklärte er, dass man seine gesamte physische masse dem energiekörper hinzufügt. Und wenn man bewusstheit als mittel benutze, um eine reise in andere welten zu unternehmen, so sei dies nicht folge irgendwelcher angewandter techniken, sondern einzig der tatsache, dass man es beabsichtigt und genügend energie hat. [195]
Don Juans abschiedsworte an uns beide waren: “Vergesst euer selbst, und ihr werdet nichts fürchten.” Mit einem grinsen und einem kopfnicken forderte er uns auf, über seine worte nachzudenken. ....
Ihr dämon, genau wie meiner, sei vorsicht und misstrauen, hatte Don Juan einmal gesagt. Und dies war ein wunderbares beispiel dafür.
“Ich weigere mich, irgendwelchen blödsinn mitzumachen, bei dem du die kontrolle hast”, sagte sie. Sie sah mich mit giftigen blicken an. “Hör mal, ich rede mit dir, wer immer du sein magst.” ....
“Halt den mund”, schrie sie mich an, ihre stimme krächzend vor wut. “Du existierst gar nicht. Du bist ein geist. Verschwinde! Verschwinde!” ....
Carol war bei uns berühmt für die schnelligkeit, mit der sie sich auf jede situation einstellen konnte. [196f]
Was ihr solche angst mache, sagte sie, sei die erkenntnis - und zwar die körperliche erkenntnis -, dass die wahrnehmung eine allumfassende und absolute wird, sobald der montagepunkt reglos in seiner position verharrt. Carol erinnerte mich daran, wie Don Juan uns einmal erklärte, dass unsere alltagswelt nur deshalb solche macht über uns habe, weil unser montagepunkt reglos in seiner gewohnten position bleibe. Diese starre des montagepunktes bewirke eine so allumfassende und überwältigende wahrnehmung, dass wir uns ihr nicht entziehen könnten. Und noch etwas fiel Carol ein, was der Nagual gesagt hatte: dass wir, um diese totale und allbeherrschende kraft zu überwinden, nur den nebel zu vetreiben brauchen - und das heißt den montagepunkt zu verschieben, indem wir dessen verschiebung einfach beabsichtigen.
Ich hatte eigentlich nie vestanden, was Don Juan damit meinte - bis zu dem augenblick, da ich meinen montagepunkt in eine andere position bringen musste, um den nebel dieser welt zu vertreiben, der mich zu verschlucken drohte. ....
“Kannst du dich daran erinnern, dass du hier zu bett gegangen bist?” fragte Carol.
“Beinah”, sagte ich, und meinte es tatsächlich. Ich erzählte ihr, dass ich nur noch mit mühe das bild ihres hotelzimmers in gedanken festhalten konnte - als bezugspunkt, sozusagen.
“Mir geht es genauso”, sagte sie, ängstlich flüsternd. “Ich weiß, wenn wir diese erinnerung loslassen, sind wir erledigt.” ....
“Alles, was zu dieser welt gehört, kann uns nur schwächen, wenn wir es benutzen. Solange ich hier nackt stehenbleibe, weit genug vom bett und vom fenster, kann ich mich noch erinnern, woher ich gekommen bin. Wenn ich mich ins bett lege oder diese kleider trage oder aus dem fenster schaue, bin ich verloren.” ....
“Die rückkehr in unsere welt erfolgt automatisch, wenn wir nicht zulassen, dass dieser nebel sich verbreitet”, sagte sie mit jener unerschütterlichen überzeugung, die ihr markenzeichen war. ....
“Sieh nur! Wir sind nackt. Wann haben wir uns denn ausgezogen?”
“Wir haben in jener anderen welt unsere kleider ausgezogen”, sagte ich, selbst überrascht vom klang meiner stimme. [199ff]
“Was eure reise ermöglichte, war nicht eure kombinierte energie”, fuhr er fort. “Etwas anderes hat dies getan. Es suchte sogar die richtige kleidung für euch aus.”
“Glaubst du, Nagual, dass die kleider und das bett und das zimmer da waren, weil wir von den anorganischen wesen gesteuert wurden?” fragte Carol
“Darauf kannst du dein leben verwetten”, antwortete er. “Für gewöhnlich sind träumer nur zuschauer. Nach der art aber, wie eure reise verlief, habt ihr beide einen logenplatz bekommen und den fluch der alten zauberer erlebt .... Hättet ihr euch aus der hütte hinausgewagt, dann müsstet ihr jetzt hoffnungslos durch diese welt irren”, sagte Don Juan.
Weil wir in all unserer körperlichkeit in diese welt eintraten, so erklärte er, sie die fixierung unseres montagepunktes in der von den anorganischen wesen dafür vorgesehenen position so überwältigend gewesen, dass eine art nebel hervorgerufen wurde, der jede erinnerung an die welt, aus der wir kamen, ausgelöscht hätte. Die natürliche folge solcher starre, fügte er hinzu, sei - wie im falle der zauberer der vorzeit -, dass der montagepunkt des träumers nicht in seine gewohnte position zurückkehren kann.
“überlegt einmal”, forderte er uns auf. “Vielleicht ist es dies, was uns in unserer alltagswelt stets passiert. Wir sind hier gelandet, und die fixierung unseres montagepunktes ist so überwältigend stark, dass sie uns vergessen macht, woher wir kommen und was der zweck unseres kommens war.” [202]

Der Mieter “Es hängt alles vom geist ab, dem wahren spieler. Wir selbst sind keine spieler. Wir sind nur figuren in seiner hand. Den befehlen des geistes gehorchend, muss ich dir nun sagen, was die vierte pforte des träumens ist, auch wenn ich dich nicht mehr dorthin führen kann.” ....
Und Don Juan erklärte, dass der energiekörper an der vierten traumpforte zu ganz spezifischen, konkreten orten reisen kann - und dass es drei arten gibt, die vierte pforte zu nutzen: erstens, um zu konkreten orten in dieser welt zu reisen; zweitens, um zu konkreten orten außerhalb dieser welt zu reisen; und drittens, um zu orten zu reisen, die nur in der absicht anderer existieren. Die letzte art, sagte er, sei die schwierigste und gefährlichste von allen dreien; sie sei bei weitem die vorliebe der alten zauberer gewesen. ....
Don Juan bat mich, ihm ein gedicht von Dylan Thomas vorzulesen, das, wie er meinte, zu jenem zeitpunkt von größter bedeutung für mich sei.

Ich sehne mich fortzugehen
vom Geklapper verbrauchter Lügen,
vom Geschrei alter ängste,
das schrecklicher wird, wenn der Tag
über die Berge schwindet ins Meer ...
Ich sehne mich fortzugehen, aber ich fürchte,
etwas vom verbrauchten Leben wird bersten
aus alten, am Boden brennenden Lügen,
die in der Luft explodieren und mich fast blenden.

I have longed to move away
From the hissing of the spent lie
And the old terror's continual cry
Growing more terrible as the day
Goes over the hill into the deep sea ....
I have longed to move away but am afraid;
Some life, yet unspent, might explode
Out of the old lie burning on the ground,
And, crackling into the air, leave me half-blind [205f] [e200f]

“.... dass die modernen zauberer eine harte lektion zu lernen haben. Sie haben erkannt, dass sie nur dann, wenn sie völlig losgelöst bleiben, genügend energie aufbringen können, um frei zu sein. Ihr geschick ist eine besondere losgelöstheit, nicht aus angst oder trägheit geboren, sondern aus überzeugung.”
Don Juan hielt inne und stand auf, er streckte die arme nach vorne, zur seite und dann nach hinten. “Mach es genauso”, empfahl er mir. “Es entspannt den körper, und du musst sehr entspannt sein, und gefasst auf das, was dir heute abend bevorsteht.” [209]
“Dieser zauberer ist der, der dem tode trotzt”, sagte er feierlich. “Für solch einen zauberer, so erfahren im verlagern seines montagepunktes, ist es eine frage der wahl oder vorliebe, ob er als mann oder als frau auftreten will.” [214]
“Dies ist wieder eines dieser Nagual-manöver: alles zu sagen, ohne es direkt zu sagen; oder zu fragen, ohne direkt zu fragen.” [215]
“Du wärst schon nicht gleich gestorben. Dein energiekörper verfügt über unbegrenzte mittel. Und dich für einen feigling zu halten wäre mir nie in den sinn gekommen. Ich respektiere deine entscheidungen und kümmere mich nicht darum, welche motive dich dabei leiten.
Du bist am ende des weges angekommen, genau wie ich. Sei also ein wahrer Nagual. Schäme dich nicht für das, was du bist. Wärst du ein feigling, glaube ich, dann wärst du schon längst vor angst gestorben. Aber wenn du dich fürchtest, dem zu begegnen, der dem tode trotzt, dann stirb lieber, als ihm entgegenzutreten, auch das ist keine schande.” [218]
“Glaubst du nicht, es ist besser für mich, je weniger ich von dem mieter weiß?”
“Nein. Hier kann man sich nicht verstecken, bis die gefahr vorbei ist. Dies ist der augenblick der wahrheit. Alles, was du bislang in der welt der zauberer getan und erlebt hast, führte dich bis an diesen punkt. Ich wollte es dir nicht sagen, weil ich wusste, dass dein energiekörper es dir sagen würde, aber es gibt kein ausweichen vor dieser verabredung. Nicht einmal durch den tod. Verstehst du?” Er rüttelte mich an den schultern. “Verstehst du?” wiederholte er. [219]
“Jede große verlagerung funktioniert nach einem anderen inneren ablauf”, fuhr er fort. “Dies könnten die modernen zauberer lernen, wenn sie den montagepunkt bei einer größeren verlagerung lange genug fixieren könnten. Nur die alten zauberer hatten das spezielle wissen, das dafür erfoderlich ist.” [223]
“Für einen seher ist der am stärksten leuchtende teil des montagepunkts bei frauen nach außen gekehrt, bei männern nach innen. Der montagepunkt des mieters war ursprünglich nach innen gerichtet, aber er veränderte ihn, drehte ihn um - und jetzt sieht seine eiförmige energiegestalt aus wie eine in sich eingerollte muschel.” [224]

Die Frau in der Kirche
Ich bedauerte, dass Don Juan mich nicht im voraus unterrichtet hatte, damit ich mich besser hätte vorbereiten können. Aber er war ein Nagual, der alles wichtige aus der eingebung des augenblicks tat, ohne vorankündigung. [225]
“Du bist nicht der einzige, dem vor angst schlecht wird”, sagte er. “Als ich dem begegnete, der dem tode trotzt, machte ich mir die hosen nass. Glaube mir.” ....
“Warum hast du solche angst vor mir armem weiblein?” fragte sie mich auf englisch. Ich blieb wie angewurzelt auf der stelle, dort wo ich kniete. Was mich sofort und ganz für sie eingenommen hatte, war ihre stimme. Ich kann gar nicht beschreiben, was es mit diesem heiseren klang auf sich hatte, der die geheimsten erinnerungen in mir wachrief. Es war, als hätte ich diese stimme schon immer gekannt. ....
Ich wollte schon etwas sagen zu ihr, als ich die stimme des botschafters in meinem ohr hörte. “Es ist die stimme Hermelindas, deiner amme”, sagte sie. Das einzige, was ich von Hermelinda je erfahren habe, war die geschichte, die man mir erzählte, wie sie bei einem unfall ums leben kam, überfahren von einem steuerlosen lastwagen. ....
“Vergib mir meine späße”, sagte die frau mit leiser stimme. “Die wahrheit ist, dass ich dich sehr gern habe. Du brodelst vor energie. Und wir werden uns gut verstehen.” ....
“Lass mich deine hand halten”, flehte sie. Doch ihr flehen war wie ein befehl. Ich überließ ihr meine hand, unfähig, nein zu sagen. “Danke. Danke für deine zuversicht, für dein vertrauen zu mir”, flüsterte sie. ....
“Ich kann deine energie nicht umsonst annehmen”, flüsterte sie. “Ich bezahle für das, was ich bekomme, so ist der vertrag. Es ist närrisch von dir, deine energie zu verschenken.”
“Ich war mein leben lang ein narr. Glauben sie mir”, sagte ich. “Und ich kann es mir wohl leisten, ihnen ein geschenk zu machen. Das ist kein problem für mich. Sie brauchen die energie. also nehmen sie sie. Aber ich will mich nicht mit unnötigen dingen belasten. Ich besitze nichts, und es gefällt mir.”
“Vielleicht”, sagte sie nachdenklich. ....
Unmöglich konnte sie einen faszinieren, dachte ich, bis auf ihre augen, die sie hinter gesenkten lidern verbarg. Ihre augen waren wunderbar - klar und voll frieden. Abgesehen von Don Juan, hatte ich niemals so strahlende und lebendige augen gesehen.
Ihre augen nahmen mir jede befangenheit. Solche augen konnten nichts böses wollen. [226ff] [e222ff]
Wir knieten vor einem lebensgroßen kruzifix. Bevor ich zeit fand, etwas zu sagen, sprach sie zu mir. “Ich lebe schon sehr, sehr lange”, sagte sie. “Der grund für mein langes leben ist, dass ich die bewegungen und verlagerungen meines montagepunktes kontrolliere. Auch bleibe ich nie zu lange in eurer welt. Ich muss sparsam umgehen mit der energie, die ich von den Naguals eurer linie bekomme.”
“Wie ist es, in anderen welten zu existieren?” fragte ich.
“Es ist wie dein träumen, nur dass ich beweglicher bin. Und ich kann länger bleiben, wo ich will. Ganz so, als könntest du, so lange du willst, in deinen träumen bleiben.” ....
“Du brauchst gar nichts zu fragen”, fuhr sie fort. “Du weißt ja schon, was ich weiß. Was du noch brauchst, ist ein anstoß, um dir anzueignen, was du schon weißt. Ich werde dir diesen stoß versetzen. [230f] [e226f]
“Die zweite aufmerksamkeit hat unendliche schätze zu bieten, die der entdeckung harren”, fing sie an. “Von entscheidender wichtigkeit ist die ausgangsposition, in die der träumer seinen körper bringt. Und genau hier liegt das geheimnis der alten zauberer, die schon zu meiner zeit so alt waren. Stell dir nur vor.” ....
Mir kam in den sinn, dass ihre wärme gnadenlos berückend sei, aber ohne eile.
Und dann begann sie mir ins linke ohr zu flüstern. Sie sagte, dass die gaben, die sie den Naguals meiner linie geschenkt habe, etwas damit zu tun hätten, was die alten zauberer die zwillingsposition nannten. Das heißt, die ausgangsposition, in die der träumer seinen physischen körper bringt, um mit dem träumen zu beginnen, die eine spiegelung finde in der position, in die er seinen energiekörper bringt, um seinen montagepunkt an einer nach belieben gewählten stelle zu fixieren. Diese zwei positionen bilden, sagte sie, eine einheit, und die alten zauberer brauchten jahrtausende, um die perfekte beziehung zwischen den beiden positionen zu finden. Kichernd meinte sie, dass die heutigen zauberer niemals zeit oder lust hätten, solche mühen auf sich zu nehmen .... [233] [228]
“Lege dich zu beginn des träumens auf die rechte seite, die knie leicht angezogen”, sagte sie. “Die disziplin besteht darin, diese position beizubehalten und in ihr einzuschlafen. Im träumen besteht die übung darin, dass du träumst, dich genau in derselben position hinzulegen und wiederum einzuschlafen.”
“Und was bewirkt das?” fragte ich.
“Es bewirkt, dass der montagepunkt genau - ja, genau - an der stelle bleibt, wo er sich im augenblick des zweiten einschlafens befindet.”
“Was ist das ergebnis einer solchen übung?”
“Die totale wahrnehmung. Ich bin überzeugt, deine lehrer haben dir gesagt, dass meine geschenke die gaben totaler wahrnehmung sind.”
“Ja. Aber ich weiß nicht recht, was totale wahrnehmung bedeutet”, log ich.
Sie ging über meinen einwand hinweg und verriet mir dann die vier variationen dieser übung, nämlich das einschlafen auf der rechten seite, auf der linken seite, auf dem rücken und auf dem bauch. [234] [e230]
“Weil es kein draußen gibt. Dies ist ein traum. Du stehst an der vierten pforte des träumens und träumst meinen traum.”
Es sei ihre kunst, verriet sie mir, ihre absicht projizieren zu können - und alles, was ich um mich her sah, sei ihre absicht. Flüsternd sagte sie, dass die kirche und die ganze stadt nur die folge ihrer absicht wären. Sie existierten nicht, und dennoch existierten sie. Mir in die augen blickend, fügte sie hinzu, dass es eines der großen geheimnisse sei, in der zweiten aufmerksamkeit die zwillingsposition des träumens zu beabsichtigen. Man könne es tun, aber man könne es nicht erklären oder verstehen.
Und dann sagte sie mir, sie stamme aus einer linie von zauberern, die es verstanden, sich in der zweiten aufmerksamkeit umherzubewegen, indem sie ihre absicht projizierten. Sie erzählte, dass die zauberer ihrer linie die kunst praktizierten, im traum ihre gedanken zu projizieren, um eine getreuliche reproduktion jedes gegenstandes und jedes bauwerks, jeder landschaft und jedes schauplatzes zu erreichen, ganz nach ihrem belieben.
Die zauberer ihrer linie, sagte sie, fingen damit an, dass sie ein einfaches objekt anstarrten und es in allen details ihrem gedächtnis einprägten. Dann schlossen sie die augen und visualisierten das objekt, immer wieder ihr inneres bild korrigierend, bis sie es mit geschlossenen augen in aller vollständigkeit sehen konnten.
Der nächste schritt in der entwicklung ihres systems war, mit dem objekt zusammen zu träumen und im traum - aus der sicht ihrer eigenen wahrnehmung - eine totale materialisierung des objektes zu erzeugen. Dies nannten sie, so sagte die frau, den ersten schritt zur totalen wahrnehmung.
Von einem einfachen objekt schritten jene zauberer fort zu immer komplexeren gegenständen. Ihr endliches ziel war, dass sie alle zusammen eine ganze welt visualisierten, dann diese welt träumten und so ein ganz authentisches reich neu erschufen, wo sie existieren konnten. ....
“Ganze bevölkerungen verschwanden so im traum. Dies ist der grund, warum ich dir sage, dass diese kirche und diese stadt eines der geheimnisse des beabsichtigens in der zweiten aufmerksamkeit sind.” ....
Und sie warnte mich, dass es gefährlich sei, die vierte pforte zu durchschreiten und an orte zu reisen, die nur in der absicht eines anderen existierten; denn alle gegenstände in solch einem traum müssten zwangsläufig ganz persönliche gegenstände sein. [235ff]
“Juan Matus kann die alten zauberer ganz allgemein nicht leiden, und mich im besonderen nicht”, sagte die frau zwischen lachanfällen. “Um in unseren träumen zu sehen, brauchen wir nur mit dem kleinen finger auf den gegenstand zu deuten, den wir sehen wollen, nicht mehr. Dass er dich aber in meinem traum losbrüllen ließ, das war seine art, mir eine botschaft zu schicken. Ich muss schon sagen, er ist sehr witzig.” [238]
“Ich bin das einzige energie erzeugende wesen in diesem traum”, sagte sie. “Es wäre also richtiger für dich, alles andere nur zu beobachten.” [239]
Aber nicht um objektivität an sich ging es mir, sondern ich wollte dieses verlangen nach objektivität als krücke benutzen, die mir in augenblicken kognitiver verwirrung einen halt bieten sollte. Wenn es dann zeit war, die tatsachen zu überprüfen, kamm ich doch nie dazu. [241]
Infolge all dieser jahre auf dem weg der zauberer wusste ich ohne jeden zweifel, dass es im universum nur energie gibt; das böse ist nur eine ausgeburt des menschlichen denkens, beherrscht durch die fixierung des montagepunktes in seiner üblichen position. Logischerweise gab es also nichts, wovor ich mich hätte fürchten sollen. Das wusste ich, aber ich wusste auch, dass meine wahre schwäche in der mangelnden beweglichkeit lag, meinen montagepunkt augenblicklich in der position, in die er verschoben wurde, zu fixieren. Der kontakt mit der, die dem tode trotzt, verschob meinen montagepunkt in gewaltigem maß, und ich hatte nicht die kraft, diesem schub standzuhalten. Ergebnis war ein pseudo-gefühl der angst, ich könnte vielleicht nicht wieder aufwachen. [243]
Falls dies ein traum war, wie ich vermutete, dann gab es eine möglichkeit, dies zu beweisen oder zu widerlegen. Ich deutete mit dem finger auf die häuser, auf die kirche, auf das straßenpflaster. Ich deutete auf menschen, ich deutete auf alles. Tollkühn griff ich sogar ein paarmal mit der hand nach menschen, die ich damit ziemlich zu erschrecken schien. Ich spürte ihre feste masse. Sie waren so wirklich wie alles, was für mich wirklichkeit bedeutete, nur dass sie keine energie erzeugten. Nichts in dieser stadt erzeugte energie. Alles wirkte real und normal, und doch war es ein traum.
Ich drehte mich um zu der frau, die noch immer meinen arm festhielt, und befragte sie deshalb.
“Wir träumen”, sagte sie mit ihrer heiseren stimme und kicherte.
“Aber wie können menschen und dinge um uns her so wirklich sein, so dreidimensional?”
“Das geheimnis des beabsichtigens in der zweiten aufmerksamkeit!” rief sie ehrfürchtig. “Diese leute dort draußen sind so wirklich, dass sie sogar gedanken haben.” [244]

Auf den Flügeln der Absicht fliegen
“Wenn man in die zweite aufmerksamkeit eintritt und einen starken energie-stoß erhält, das weißt du selbst, ist es doch ganz normal, dass man die körperkontrolle und die sprache verliert.” [247]
Und dann erzählte Carol eine ganz faszinierende geschichte. Nach allem, das die frau in der kirche ihr gezeigt hatte, sagte sie, mussten alle zauberer der vorzeit unvermeidlich den anorganischen wesen zum opfer fallen. Nachdem die anorganischen wesen sie eingefangen hatten, gaben sie ihnen macht, um sie als mittler zwischen unserer welt und der ihren zu benutzen, die bei den menschen die unterwelt hieß.
Auch der, der dem tode trotzt, verfing sich unvermeidlich in den netzen der anorganischen wesen. Jahrtausende, so schätzte Carol, verbrachte er in gefangenschaft, bis zu dem augenblick, da es ihm gelang, sich in eine frau zu verwandeln. Dies hatte er klar als seinen fluchtweg aus jener welt erkannt - an dem tag, als er herausfand, dass die anorganischen wesen das weibliche prinzip für unbesiegbar halten. Sie glauben, dass das weibliche prinzip eine solche geschmeidigkeit, eine solche bandbreite hat, dass seine angehörigen unangreifbar sind durch fallen oder tricks und kaum gefangengehalten werden können. Die verwandlung dessen, der dem tode trotzt, war so vollkommen und weitgehend, dass er sofort aus dem reich der anorganische wesen ausgestoßen wurde. [249]
“Aber das ist unmöglich”, platzte Carol heraus. “Es gibt weder zukunft noch vergangenheit im universum. Es gibt nur den augenblick.”
“Ich weiß, es war die vergangenheit. Es war dieselbe kirche, aber die stadt war anders.”
“Denk einmal nach. Im universum gibt es nur energie. Und energie kennt nur ein hier und jetzt; ein endloses und immer gegenwärtiges hier und jetzt.”
“Was glaubst du also, Carol, ist mir passiert?”
“Mit hilfe derer, die dem tode trotzt, hast du die vierte pforte des träumens durchschritten”, sagte sie. “Die frau in der kirche nahm dich mit in ihren traum, in ihre absicht. Sie nahm dich mit in ihr visualisieren dieser stadt. Offenbar hatte sie die stadt in der vergangenheit visualisiert, und dieses visualisieren ist noch immer intakt in ihr. Wie auch ihre visualisierung der jetzigen stadt in ihr lebendig sein muss.” ....
“Erinnest du dich, was die frau dir sagte? Der zweite traum ist das beabsichtigen in der zweiten aufmerksamkeit: die einzige art, die vierte pforte des träumens zu durchschreiten.” [251f]
Also erzählte ich Carol, wie ich mit Don Juan am anfang meiner bekanntschaft gestritten hatte - über sein eingestandenes motiv, auf dem weg der krieger zu bleiben. Er hatte gesagt, die furcht halte ihn auf geradem weg, und was er am meisten fürchte, sei das nagual zu verlieren, das abstrakte, den geist.
“Der tod ist nichts, verglichen mit dem verlust des nagual”, hatte er damals gesagt, mit echter leidenschaft in der stimme. “Meine furcht, das nagual zu verlieren, ist die einzige wirklichkeit, die ich habe. Denn ohne dies wäre ich schlimmer als tot.”
Ich hatte Don Juan sofort widersprochen, wie ich nun Carol erzählte, und damit geprahlt, dass einzig liebe für mich die motivierende kraft sein könne, falls ich schon auf einem begrenzten pfad bleiben müsse, weil furcht mir nichts anhaben könne.
Und Don Juan hatte erwidert, dass die furcht, wenn der schlag wirklich kommt, der einzig würdige zustand für einen krieger sei. Insgeheim verachtete ich seine, wie ich glaubte, heimliche engstirnigkeit.
“So hat das rad eine volle umdrehung gemacht”, sagte ich zu Carol. “Denn, sieh mich an. Ich schwöre dir, das einzige, was mir kraft gibt, weiterzumachen, ist die furcht, das nagual zu verlieren.”
Carol starrte mich an - mit einem seltsamen blick, den ich nie bei ihr bemerkt hatte.
“Da möchte ich widersprechen”, sagte sie leise. “Die furcht ist nichts, verglichen mit liebe. Die furcht lässt dich kopflos davonlaufen. Die liebe lässt dich klug handeln.”
“Was sagst du da, Carol Tiggs? Sind die zauberleute neuerdings liebesleute?”
Sie antwortete nicht. Sie legte sich neben mich und legte den kopf an meine schulter. So blieben wir liegen, in diesem sonderbar unfreundlichen zimmer, lange zeit, in völligem schweigen.
“Ich fühle, was du fühlst”, sagte Carol unvermittelt. “Und jetzt versuche du, zu fühlen, was ich fühle. Du kannst es .... Lass doch mal los”, sagte sie. “Hör auf mit diesem wissenschaftlichen blödsinn und komm ins bett. Ruhe dich aus.” ....
Die dunkelheit in diesem hotelzimmer war ganz ungewöhnlich. Sie schenkte mir ein köstliches gefühl von frieden und harmonie. Sie brachte mir aber auch eine tiefe traurigkeit, eine sehnsucht nach menschlicher wärme, nach freundschaft. Ich war mehr als bestürzt. Nie war mir so etwas geschehen. Ich lag im bett und versuchte mich zu erinnern, ob ich so etwas wie diese sehnsucht wohl kannte. Ich kannte es nicht. Die sehnsuchtsgefühle, die ich hatte, galten nicht menschlicher freundschaft. Sie waren abstrakt. Sie waren eher eine art von trauer, etwas unbestimmtes nicht erreichen zu können.
“Ich werde verrückt”, sagte ich zu Carol. “Ich fange an, um menschen zu weinen.” .... Ich beugte mich in der dunkelheit über sie und murmelte etwas, das mit in einem klaren augenblick eher irrational vorgekommen wäre: “Ich liebe dich tief und innig”, sagte ich.
Worte wie diese, zwischen zauberern von Don Juans linie, waren undenkbar. Carol Tiggs war die Nagual-frau. Zwischen uns beiden war es nicht nötig, gefühle zu zeigen. Tatsächlich wussten wir nicht einmal, was wir für einander fühlten. Don Juan hatte uns gelehrt, dass zauberer weder zeit noch das bedürfnis nach solchen gefühlen hätten.
Carol lächelte und umarmte mich. Und ich war von so verzehrender liebe zu ihr erfüllt, dass ich unwillkürlich zu weinen anfing.
“Dein energiekörper bewegt sich vorwärts, auf den leuchtenden energiefasern des universums”, flüsterte sie immer wieder. “Wir sind getragen von der absicht, dem geschenk derjenigen, die dem tode trotzt.”
Ich hatte noch genug energie, um zu verstehen, was sie sagte. Ich fragte sie sogar, ob sie selbst verstand, was dies alles bedeute. Sie legte mir den fingen an die lippen und flüsterte in mein ohr: “Ja, ich verstehe. Das geschenk derjenigen, die dem tode trotzt, waren die flügel der absicht. Und auf diesen flügeln träumen du und ich uns in eine andere zeit. In eine zeit, die kommen wird.”
Ich stieß sie von mir und setzte mich auf. Die art, wie Carol diese komplizierten zauberer-gedanken aussprach, war mir unheimlich. Es war nicht ihre art, begriffliches denken ernst zu nehmen. Stets hatten wir unter uns gewitzelt, dass Carol einfach nicht den kopf zur zauberer-philosophin hätte.
“Was ist los mit dir?” fragte ich. “Dein wesen ist mir völlig neu: Carol, die zauberer-philosophin. Du sprichst wie Don Juan.”
“Noch nicht.” Sie lachte. “Aber es kommt. Es rollt mir entgegen, und wenn es mich trifft, wird es mir leichtfallen, eine zauberer-philosophin zu sein. Du wirst sehen. Und niemand wird es erklären können, weil es einfach geschehen wird.”
Eine alarmglocke klingelte in meinem kopf. “Du bist nicht Carol”, schrie ich. “Du bist die, die dem tode trotzt, verkleidet als Carol. Ich hab's gewusst.”
Carol lachte, unbeeindruckt von meiner anschuldigung. “Rede nicht so absurd”, sagte sie. “Du bist dabei, eine lektion zu verpassen. Ich wusste, du würdest früher oder später nachgeben und dich gehenlassen. Glaube mir, ich bin Carol. Aber wir tun etwas, was wir noch nie getan haben: wir beabsichtigen in der zweiten aufmerksamkeit, wie es die zauberer der vorzeit taten.”
Ich war nicht überzeugt, aber ich hatte keine energie mehr, um meinen standpuntk zu verfechten, denn irgend etwas, vielleicht der große wirbel meines träumens, begann mich einzusaugen. Schwach hörte ich Carols stimme, die mir ins ohr sagte: “Wir träumen uns. Träume deine absicht von mir. Beabsichtige mich vorwärts! Beabsichtige mich vorwärts!”
Mit größter anstrengung sprach ich mein innerstes gefühl aus: “Bleibe bei mir, für immer”, sagte ich - mit der langsamkeit eines defekten tonbandgeräts. Sie antwortete etwas unverständliches. Ich wollte schon lachen über meine stimme, aber dann verschluckte mich der wirbel.
Als ich erwachte, war ich allein im hotelzimmer. Ich hatte keine ahnung, wie lange ich geschlafen hatte. [254ff]
“Carol Tiggs war gar nicht bei uns”, sagte er. “Und du warst neun tage lang fort.” ....
An alle anwesenden gewandt, sagte ich, dass ich persönlich diese frau ungeheuer und vorbehaltlos gern gehabt hätte. Und dass ich Carol Tiggs geliebt hatte, wie ich nie geglaubt hätte, jemanden lieben zu können. Sie schienen gar nicht zu verstehen, was ich sagte. Sie sahen einander an, als sei ich plötzlich verrückt geworden. ....
Don Juan breitete überschwenglich die arme aus und lächelte endlich - mit seiner gewohnten fröhlichkeit. “Wir können nur annehmen, dass die frau in der kirche dir gezeigt hat, wie es geht”, sagte er in bedächtigem ton. “Es wird eine ungeheure aufgabe für dich sein, ein unverständliches manöver verständlich zu machen. Es war ein meisterhafter schachzug von dem, der dem tode trotzt - verkleidet als frau in der kirche. Sie hat Carols und deinen energiekörper benutzt, um abzuheben - um aus aller verankerung auszubrechen. Sie entführte dich - mit deiner gabe geschenkter energie.”
Was er da sagte, hatte für mich keine bedeutung. Seinen beiden gefährtinnen bedeutete es offenbar sehr viel. Sie waren sehr aufgeregt. An sie gewandt, erklärte Don Juan, dass derjenige, der dem tode trotzt, und die frau in der kirche verschiedene ausdrucksformen derselben energie wären. Die frau in der kirche sei die mächtigere und komplexere von den beiden. Als sie die führung übernahm, benutzte sie den energiekörper von Carol Tiggs auf eine dunkle, unheimliche art, wie es praktiken der alten zauberer entsprach, und schuf jene Carol Tiggs aus dem hotel - eine Carol Tiggs der reinen absicht. Vielleicht, so fügte Don Juan hinzu, hatten Carol Tiggs und die frau bei ihrer begegnung eine art von vereinbarung getroffen.
In diesem moment kam Don Juan offenbar ein gedanke. Ungläubig starrte er seine gefährtinnen an. Ihre augen huschten hin und her, von einem zum andern. Nicht nur zustimmung heischend, dessen war ich sicher. Denn anscheinend hatten sie gleichzeitig etwas begriffen.
“Alle unsere spekulationen sind sinnlos”, sagte Don Juan, mit ruhiger, gelassener stimme. “Ich glaube, es gibt keine Carol Tiggs mehr. Es gibt auch keine frau aus der kirche. Beide haben sich vereinigt und sind auf den flügeln der absicht davongeflogen. Vorwärts, glaube ich.”
“Der grund, warum Carol Tiggs aus dem hotel sich sorgen um ihr aussehen machte, war dieser”, sagte er: “Sie war die frau aus der kirche, die dich eine andere Carol Tiggs träumen ließ. Eine unendlich viel mächtigere Carol Tiggs. Erinnerst du dich, was sie sagte? `Träume deine absicht von mir. Beabsichtige mich vorwärts'.”
“Was bedeutet das, Don Juan?” fragte ich, wie betäubt.
“Es bedeutet, dass die, die dem tode trotzt, ihren letzten ausweg gesehen hat. Sie ist mit dir auf und davon geflogen. Dein schicksal ist ihr schicksal.”
“Und das heißt, Don Juan?”
“Das heißt, dass sie, wenn du die freiheit findest, sie ebenfalls finden wird.”
“Wie will sie das schaffen?”
“Durch Carol Tiggs. Aber sei unbesorgt um Carol.” Diese sagte er, noch bevor ich meine ahnung aussprechen konnte. “Sie versteht ein solches manöver. Und noch viel mehr.”
Unendlichkeiten türmten sich vor mir auf. Schon fühlte ich ihr erdrückendes gewicht. In einem augenblick der klarheit fragte ich Don Juan: “Was ist das ergebnis von alledem?”
Er antwortete nicht. Er starrte mich an, musterte mich von kopf bis fuß. Dann sagte er, langsam und wohlerwogen: “Die gabe derer, die dem tode trotzt, besteht aus unendlichen möglichkeiten des träumens. Eine davon war dein traum von Carol Tiggs in einer anderen zeit, in einer anderen welt. Einer umfassenden welt, weit und grenzenlos. Einer welt, wo sogar das unmögliche wahrscheinlich werden könnte. Und die bedeutung ist, dass du nicht nur diese möglichkeiten erleben wirst, sondern dass du sie eines tages verstehen wirst.” ....
“Natürlich war es Carol”, pflichtete Don Juan mir bei. “Aber nicht die Carol, die wir beide kennen. Dies war eine geträumte Carol, wie ich dir sagte; eine Carol, bestehend aus reiner absicht. Du halfst der frau in der kirche, diesen traum auszuspinnen. Ihre kunst war es, diesen traum zu einer allumfassenden realität zu machen: die kunst der alten zauberer, das schrecklichste, was es gibt. Habe ich dir nicht gesagt, du würdest die krönende lektion im träumen erfahren?”
“Was, glaubst du, geschah mit Carol Tiggs?” fragte ich.
“Carol Tiggs ist fortgegangen”, antwortete er. “Aber eines tages wirst du eine neue Carol Tiggs finden - die Carol aus dem geträumten hotelzimmer.”
“Was meinst du, dass sie fortgegangen sei?”
“Sie ist fortgegangen von dieser welt”, sagte er. ....
“Dies ist das träumen. Und du solltest jetzt wissen, dass alles, was darin geschieht, endgültig ist. Carol Tiggs ist gegangen.”
“Aber wohin, glaubst du, Don Juan, ist sie gegangen?”
“Wohin die zauberer der vorzeit gingen. Ich habe dir gesagt, die gabe derjenigen, die dem tode trotzt, sei die endlosigkeit möglichen träumens. Du wolltest nichts konkretes annehmen, darum schenkte die frau in der kirche dir eine abstrakte gabe: die möglichkeit, auf den flügeln der absicht zu fliegen.” [259ff]




X - The Active Side of Infinity
Carlos Castaneda, The Active Side of Infinity
    HarperCollins NY (1999) © Laugan Productions 1998
(Carlos Castaneda, Das Wirken der Unendlichkeit   Fischer Verlag)

”Don't explain yourself so much,” don Juan said with a stern look in his eyes. ”Sorcerers say that in every explanation there is a hidden apology. So, when you are explaining why you cannot do this or that, you're really apologizing for your shortcomings, hoping that whoever is listening to you will have the kindness to understand them.” [e19]
Don Juan continued, saying that the task of sorcerers was to face infinity, and that they plunged into it daily, as a fisherman plunges into the sea. It was such an overwhelming task that sorcerers had to state their names before venturing into it. He reminded me that, in Nogales, he had stated his name before any interaction had taken place between us. He had, in this manner, asserted his individuality in front of the infinite.
I understood with unequaled clarity what he was explaining. I didn't have to ask him for clarifications. My keenness of thought should have surprised me, but it didn't at all. I knew at that moment that I had always been crystal clear, merely playing dumb for someone else's benefit. [e69]
He categorized all human beings as possessing awareness, in a general sense, which permits them to see energy directly, and he categorized sorcerers as the only human beings who where deliberately conscious of seeing energy directly. He then defined ”awareness” as energy and ”energy” as constant flux, a luminous vibration that was never stationary, but always moving of its own accord. He asserted that when a human being was seen, he was perceived as a conglomerate of energy fields held together by the most mysterious force in the universe: a binding, agglutinating, vibratory force that holds energy fields together in a cohesive unit. He further explained that the Nagual was a specific sorcerer in each generation whom the other sorcerers were able to see, not as a single luminous ball but as a set of two spheres of luminosity fused, one over the other. [e70]
”.... Yet both of them were astoundingly alike in that there was nothing inside them. They were empty. The Nagual Elias was a collection of astounding, haunting stories of regions unknown. The Nagual Julian was a collection of stories that would have anybody in stitches, sprawled on the ground laughing. Whenever I tried to pin down the man in them, the real man, the way I could pinpoint the man in my father, the man in everybody I knew, I found nothing. Instead of a real person inside them, there was a bunch of stories about persons unknown. Each of the two men had his own flair, but the end result was just the same: emptiness, an emptiness that reflected not the world, but infinity.” [e71f]
”.... Infinity is everything that surrounds us.” He said this and made a broad gesture with his arms. ”The sorcerers of my lineage call it infinity, the spirit, the dark sea of awareness, and say that it is something that exists out there and rules our lives.”
”.... He answered that his steps and mine were guided by infinity, and that circumstances that seemed to be ruled by chance were in essence ruled by the active side of infinity. He called it intent. [e72]
The most accurate statement about what a Nagual is, which he voiced the day I found him, was that a Nagual is empty, and that that emptiness doesn't reflect the world, but reflects infinity. [e73]
”The only thing you can do,” don Juan said, ”is to keep the memory of your friend fresh, to keep it alive for the rest of your life and perhaps even beyond. Sorcerers express, in this fashion, the thanks that they can no longer voice. You may think it is a silly way, but that's the best sorcerers can do.”
It was my own sadness, doubtless, which made me believe that the ebullient don Juan was as sad as I was. I discarded the thought immediately. That couldn't be possible.
”Sadness, for sorcerers, is not personal,” don Juan said, again erupting into my thoughts. ”It is not quite sadness. It's a wave of energy that comes from the depths of the cosmos, and hits sorcerers when they are receptive, when they are like radios, capable of catching radio waves.
”The sorcerers of old times, who gave us the entire format of sorcery, believed that there is sadness in the universe, as a force, a condition, like light, like intent, and that this perennial force acts especially on sorcerers because they no longer have any defensive shields. They cannot hide behind their friends or their studies. They cannot hide behind love, or hatred, or happiness, or misery. They can't hide behind anything.” [e100f]
Don Juan said that the sorcerers of ancient Mexico devised endless ways to shake themselves or other sorcery practicioners at their foundations in order to reach that coveted state of inner silence. They considered the most far-fetched acts, which may seem totally unrelated to the pursuit of inner silence, such as, for instance, jumping into waterfalls or spending nights hanging upside down from the top branch of a tree, to be the key points that brought it into being.
Following the rationales of the sorcerers of ancient Mexico, don Juan stated categorically that inner silence was accrued, accumulated. In my case, he struggled to guide me to construct a core of inner silence in myself, and then add to it, second by second, on every occasion I practiced it. He explained that the sorcerers of ancient Mexico discovered that each individual had a different threshold of inner silence in terms of time, meaning that inner silence must be kept by each one of us for the length of time of our specific threshold before it can work.
”What did those sorcerers consider the sign that inner silence is working, don Juan?” I asked.
”Inner silence works from the moment you begin to accrue it,” he replied. ”What the old sorcerers were after was the final, dramatic, end result of reaching that individual threshold of silence. Some very talented practitioners need only a few minutes of silence to reach that coveted goal. Others, less talented, need long periods of silence, perhaps more than one hour of complete quietude, before they reach the desired result. The desired result is what the sorcerers called stopping the world, the moment when everything around us ceases to be what it's always been.
”This is the moment when sorcerers return to the true nature of man,” don Juan went on. ”The old sorcerers also called it total freedom. It is the moment when man the slave becomes man the free being, capable of feats of perception that defy our linear imagination.”
Don Juan assured me that inner silence is the avenue that leads to a true suspension of judgement - to a moment when sensory data emanating from the universe at large ceases to be interpreted by the senses; a moment when cognition ceases to be the force which, through usage and repetition, decides the nature of the world.
”Sorcerers need a breaking point for the workings of inner silence to set in,” don Juan said. ”The breaking point is like the mortar that a mason puts between the bricks. It's only when the mortar hardens that the loose bricks become structure.” [e104f]
”No, no,” he said laughing. ”Mental breakdowns are for persons who indulge in themselves. Sorcerers are not persons. What I mean is that at a given moment the continuity of their lives has to break in order for inner silence to set in and become an active part of their structures.”
.... ”I think everything boils down to one act,” he said. ”You must leave your friends. You must say good-bye to them, for good. It's not possible for you to continue on the warrior's path carrying your personal history with you, and unless you discontinue your way of life, I won't be able to go ahead with my instruction.”
.... ”Precisely, precisely,” he remarked. ”They are your points of reference. Therefore, they have to go. Sorcerers have only one point of reference: infinity.” [e106]
”That hotel over there,” don Juan said, pointing at it, ”is to me the true representation of life on Earth for the average person. If you are lucky, or ruthless, you will get a room with a view of the street, where you will see this endless parade of human misery. If you're not that lucky, or that ruthless, you will get a room on the inside, with windows to the wall of the next building. Think of spending a lifetime torn between those two views, envying the view of the street if you're inside, and envying the view of the wall if you're on the outside, tired of looking out.” [e107]
”No,” he said, ”I don't want your body to die physically. I want your person to die. The two are very different affairs. In essence, your person has very little to do with your body. Your person is your mind, and believe you me, your mind is not yours.”
.... ”The criteria that indicates that a sorcerer is dead,” he went on, ”is when it makes no difference to him whether he has company or whether he is alone. ....” [e108]
”You don't have to apologize,” he assured me. ”Every one of us does the same thing. Once, I ran away from the sorcerers' world mysef, and I had to nearly die to realize my stupidity. The important issue is to arrive at a breaking point, in whatever way, and that's exactly what you have done. Inner silence is becoming real for you. This is the reason I am here in front of you, talking to you. Do you see what I mean?” [e112f]
I went to my bed and sought the only solace I could think of: quietude, silence. In order to facilitate the advent of inner silence, don Juan had taught me a way to sit down on my bed, with the knees bent and the soles of the feet touching, the hands pushing the feet together by holding the ankles. He had given me a thick dowel that I always kept at hand wherever I went. ... [e113f]
”You're not in a mere dream,” he said, ”but who am I to tell you that? You'll know it yourself someday - that there are no dreams from inner silence - because you'll choose to know it.” [e114]
He said that the universe is composed of an infinite number of energy fields that exist in the universe at large as luminous filaments. Those luminous filaments act on man as an organism. The respons of the organism is to turn those energy fields into sensory data. Sensory data is then interpreted, and that interpretation becomes our cognitive system. [e116]
”Human beings are beings that are going to die,” he said. ”Sorcerers firmly maintain that the only way to have a grip on our world, and on what we do in it, is by fully accepting that we are beings on the way to dying. Without this basic acceptance, our lives, our doings, and the world in which we live are unmanageable affairs.”
”But is the mere acceptance of this so far-reaching?” I asked in a tone of quasi-protest.
”You bet your life!” don Juan said, smiling. ”However, it's not the mere acceptance that does the trick. We have to embody that acceptance and live it all the way through. Sorcerers throughout the ages have said that the view of our death is the most sobering view that exists. What is wrong with us human beings, and has been wrong since time immemorial, is that without ever stating it in so many words, we believe that we have entered the realm of immortality. We behave as if we were never going to die - an infantile arrogance. But even more injurious than this sence of immortality is what comes with it: the sence that we can engulf this inconceivable universe with our minds.”
A most deadly juxtaposition of ideas had me mercilessly in its grip: don Juan's wisdom and Professor Lorca's knowledge. Both were difficult, obscure, all-encompassing, and most appealing. There was nothing for me to do except follow the course of events and go with them wherever they might take me. [e118f]
... he explained that sorcerers viewed any kind of activity with people, no matter how minute or unimportant, as a battlefield. In that battlefield, sorcerers performed their best magic, their best effort. He assured me that the trick to being at ease in such situations, a thing that had never been my forte, was to face our opponents openly. He expressed his abhorrence of timid souls who shy away from interaction to the point where even though they interact, they merely infer or deduce, in terms of their own psychological states, what is going on without actually perceiving what is really going on. They interact without ever being part of the interaction.
”Always look at the man who is envolved in a tug of war with you,” he continued. ”Don't just pull the rope; look up and see his eyes. You'll know then that he is a man, just like you. No matter what he's saying, no matter what he's doing, he's shaking in his boots. just like you. A look like that renders the opponent helpless, if only for an instant; deliver your blow then.” [e120]
He said that it wasn't his intention to criticize or judge anybody, but that to his knowledge, very few people knew when to quit and even fewer knew how to actually utilize their knowledge. [e122]
”For instance, perceiving energy directly as it flows in the universe is a unit of cognition that shamans live by. They see how energy flows, and they follow its flow. If its flow is obstructed, they move away to do something entirely different. Shamans see lines in the universe. Their art, or their job, is to choose the line that will take them, perception-wise, to regions that have no name. You can say that shamans react immediately to the lines of the universe. [e124]
”If we are victorious in any way,” don Juan went on, ”we don't have anyone to whisper in our ear that our victories are fleeting. Sorcerers however, do have the upper hand; as beings on their way to dying, they have someone whispering in their ear that everything is ephemeral. The whisperer is death, the infallible advisor, the only one who won't ever tell you a lie.” [e126f]
”Warrior-travelers don't leave any debts unpaid,” don Juan said.
.... You must make a token payment in order to atone, in order to appease infinity ... You have to make two gifts [to your two friends] that will leave you penniless. That's the gesture.”
.... This task of paying your debts is not guided by any feelings that you know about. It is guided by the purest sentiment, the sentiment of a warrior-traveler who is about to dive into infinity, and just before he does, he turns around to say thank you to those who favored him.” [e128f]
”You have rested enough,” he said firmly, almost gruffly, as he shook me by the shoulders. ”Don't indulge in being fatigued. Your fatigue is, more than fatigue, a desire not to be bothered. Something in you resents being bothered. But it's most important that you exacerbate that part of you until it breaks down. Let's go for a hike.” [e141]
”The premise of sorcerers is that in order to bring something in, there must be a space to put it in,” he said. ”If you are filled to the brim with the items of everyday life, there's no space for anything new. That space must be built. Do you see what I mean? The sorcerers of olden times believed that the recapitulation of your life made that space. It does, and much more of course.
”The way sorcerers perform the recapitulation is very formal,” he went on. ”It consists of writing a list of all the people they have met, from the present to the very beginning of their lives. Once they have that list, they take the first person on it and recollect everything they can about that person. And I mean everything, every detail. It's better to recapitulate from the present to the past, because the memories of the present are fresh, and in this manner, the recollection ability is honed. What practitioners do is to recollect and breathe. They inhale slowly and deliberately, fanning the head from right to left, in a barely noticeable swing, and exhale in the same fashion.”
.... ”You begin making your list today,” he said. ”Divide it by years, by occupations, arrange it in any order you want to, but make it sequential, with the most recent person first, and end with Mommy and Daddy. And then, remember everything about them. No more ado than that. As you practice, you will realize, what you're doing.” [e143f]
”You intended being there, and anything that was opposed to it you had to let go.
”But don't overdo it,” he went on. ”The touch of warrior-travelers is very light, although it is cultivated. The hand of a warrior-traveler begins as a heavy, gripping, iron hand but becomes like the hand of a ghost, a hand made of gossamer. Warrior-travelers leave no marks, no tracks. That's the challenge for warrior-travelers.”
.... ”The power of the recapitulation,” don Juan said, ”is that it stirs up all the garbage of our lives and brings it to the surface.” [e146]
”Classifications have a world of their own,” he continued. ”After you begin to classify anything, the classification becomes alive, and it rules you. But since classifications never started as energy-giving affairs, they always remain like dead logs. They are not trees; they are merely logs.”
He explained that the sorcerers of ancient Mexico saw that the universe at large is composed of energy fields in the form of luminous filaments. They saw zillions of them, wherever they turned to see^. They also saw that those energy fields arrange themselves into currents of luminous fibers, streams that are constant, perennial forces in the universe, and that the current or stream of filaments that is related to the recapitulation was named by those sorcerers the dark sea of awareness, and also the Eagle.
He stated that those sorcerers also found out that every creature in the universe is attached to the dark sea of awareness at a round point of luminosity that was apparent when those creatures were perceived as energy. On that point of luminosity, which the sorcerers of ancient Mexico called the assemblage point, don Juan said that perception was assembled by a mysterious aspect of the dark sea of awareness.
Don Juan asserted that on the assemblage point of human beings, zillions of energy fields from the universe at large, in the form of luminous filaments, converge and go through it. These energy fields are converted into sensory data, and the sensory data is then interpreted and perceived as the world we know. Don Juan further explained that what turns the luminous fibers into sensory data is the dark sea of awareness. Sorcerers see this transformation and call it the glow of awareness, a sheen that extends like a halo around the assemblage point. He warned me then that he was going to make a statement which, in the understanding of sorcerers, was central to comprehending the scope of the recapitulation.
Putting an enormous emphasis on his words, he said that what we call the senses in organisms is nothing but degrees of awareness. He maintained that if we accept that the senses are the dark sea of awareness, we have to admit that the interpretation that the senses make of sensory data is also the dark sea of awareness. He explained at length that to face the world around us in the terms that we do is the result of the interpretation system of mankind with which every human being is equipped. He also said that every organism in existence has to have an interpretation system that permits it to function in its surroundings.
”The sorcerers who came after the apocalyptic upheavels I told you about,” he continued, ”saw that at the moment of death, the dark sea of awareness sucked in, so to speak, through the assemblage point, the awareness of living creatures. They also saw that the dark sea of awareness had a moment's, let's say, hesitation when it was faced with sorcerers who had done a recounting of their lives. Unbeknownst to them, some had done it so thoroughly that the dark sea of awareness took their awareness in the form of their life experiences, but didn't touch their life force. Sorcerers had found out a gigantic truth about the forces of the universe: The dark sea of awareness wants only our life ecperience, not our life force.”
The premises of don Juan's elucidation were incomprehensible to me. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I was vaguely and yet deeply cognizant of how functional the premises of his explanation were.
”Sorcerers believe,” don Juan went on, ”that as we recapitulate our lives, all the debris, as I told you, comes to the surface. We realize our inconsistencies, our repetitions, but something in us puts up a tremendous resistance to recapitulating. Sorcerers say that the road is free only after a gigantic upheaval, after the appearance on our screen of the memory of an event that shakes our foundations with its terryfying clarity of detail. It's the event that drags us to the actual moment that we lived it. Sorcerers call that event the usher, because from then on every event we touch on is relived, not merely remembered.
”Walking is always something that precipitates memories,” don Juan went on. ”The sorcerers of ancient Mexico believed that everything we live we store as a sensation on the backs of the legs. They considered the backs of the legs to be the warehouse of man's personal history. So, let's go for a walk in the hills now.” [e147f]
”To recount events is magical for sorcerers,” he said. ”It isn't just telling stories. It is seeing the underlying fabric of events. This is the reason recounting is so important and vast.”
At his request, I told don Juan the event I had recollected.
”How appropriate,” he said, and chuckled with delight. ”The only commentary I can make is that warrior-travelers roll with the punches. They go wherever the impulse may take them. The power of warrior-travelers is to be alert, to get maximum effect from minimal impulse. And above all, their power lies in not interfering. Events have a force, a gravity of their own, and travelers are just travelers. Everything around them is for their eyes alone. In this fashion, travelers construct the meaning of every situation, without ever asking how it happened this way or that way.
”Today, you remembered an event that sums up your total life,” he continued. ”You are always faced with a situation that is the same as the one that you never resolved. You never really had to choose whether to accept or reject Falelo Quiroga's crooked deal.
”Infinity always puts us in this terrible position of having to choose,” he went on. ”We want infinity, but at the same time, we want to run away from it. You want to tell me to go and jump in a lake, but at the same time you are compelled to stay. It would be infinitely easier for you to just be compelled to stay.” [e158f]
Don Juan had not only warned me to always be a solitary bird, he had demanded that I observe his recommendation, something that I did most of the time, but there were occasions when the gregarious creature in me took the upper hand. [e161]
After another long silence, don Juan explained that the sorcerers of ancient Mexico believed that, as he had told me already, we had two minds, and only one of them was truly ours. I had always understood don Juan as saying that there were two parts to our minds, and one of them was always silent because expression was denied to it by the force of the other part. Whatever don Juan had said, I had taken as a metaphorical way to explain, perhaps, the apparent dominance of the left hemisphere of the brain over the right, or something of the like.
”There is a secret option to recapitulation,” don Juan said. ”Just like I told you that there is a secret option to dying, an option that only sorcerers take. In the case of dying, the secret option is that human beings could retain their life force and relinquish only their awareness, the product of their lives. In the case of the recapitulation, the secret option that only sorcerers take is to choose to enhance their true minds.
”The haunting memory of your recollections,” he went on, ”could come only from your true mind. The other mind that we all have and share is, I would say, a cheap model: economy strength, one size fits all. But this is a subject that we will discuss later. What is at stake now is the advent of a disintigrating force. But not a force that is disintigrating you - I don't mean it that way. It is disintegrating what the sorcerers call the foreign installation, which exists in you and in every other human being. The effect of the force that is descending on you, which is disintegrating the foreign installation, is that it pulls sorcerers out of their syntax.”
.... Don Juan had told me that sorcerers face the unknown in the most common incidents one can imagine. When they are confronted with it, and cannot interpret what they are perceiving, they have to rely on an outside force for direction. Don Juan had called that force infinity, or the voice of the spirit, and had said that if sorcerers don't try to be rational about what can't be rationalized, the spirit unerringly tells them what's what.
Don Juan had guided me to accept the idea that infinity was a force that had a voice and was conscious of itself. Consequently, he had prepared me to be ready to listen to that voice and act efficiently always, but without antecedents, using as little as possible the railings of the a priori. [e167ff]
I knew that infinity was pointing out to me, through the vivid recollection of those forgotten experiences, the intensity and the depth of my drive for control, and thus preparing me for something transcendental to myself. I knew with frightening certainty that something was going to bar any possibility of my being in control, and that I needed, more than anything else, sobriety, fluidity, and abandon in order to face the things that I felt were coming to me. [e172]
He had said that everything I did had to be an act of sorcery. An act free from encroaching expectations, fears of failure, hopes of success. Free from the cult of me; everything I did had to be impromptu, a work of magic where I freely opened myself to the impulses of the infinite. [e173]
He felt that my recollections were the means to agitate me to the extreme, where I would experience this interplay. Such an interplay manifested itself in terms of hues that were projected on any horizon in the world of everyday life, be it a mountain, the sky, a wall, or simply the palms of the hands. He had explained that this interplay of hues begins with the appearance of a tenuous brushstroke of lavender on the horizon. In time, this lavender brushstroke starts to expand until it covers the visible horizon, like advancing storm clouds. [e174]
”.... Anyway, infinity chooses. The warrior-traveler simply acquiesces to the choice.” [e175]
dreaming is the act of changing the point of attachment with the dark sea of awareness. If you view it in this fashion, it's a very simple concept, and a very simple maneuver. It takes all you have to realize it, but it's not an impossibility, nor is it something surrounded with mystical clouds.
... He advocated, in any way he could, the advent of something he called dreaming attention, which was the capacity to pay a special kind of attention, or to place a special kind of awareness on the elements of an ordinary dream.
I had followed meticulously all his recommendations and had succeeded in commanding my awareness to remain fixed on the elements of a dream. The idea that don Juan proposed was not to set out deliberately to have a desired dream, but to fix one's attention on the component elements of whatever dream presented itself.
Then don Juan had shown me energetically what the sorcerers of ancient Mexico considered to be the origin of dreaming: the displacement of the assemblage point. He said that the assemblage point was displaced very naturally during sleep, but that to see that displacement was a bit difficult because it required an aggressive mood, and that such an aggressive mood had been the predilection of the sorcerers of ancient Mexico. Those sorcerers, according to don Juan, had found all the premises of their sorcery by means of this mood.
”It's a very predatory mood,” don Juan went on. ”It's not difficult at all to enter into it, because man is a predator by nature. You could see, aggressively, anybody in this little village, or perhaps someone far away, while they are asleep; anyone would do for the purpose at hand. What's important is that you arrive at a complete sense of indifference. You are in search of something, and you are out to get it. You're going to go out looking for a person, searching like a feline, like an animal of prey, for someone to descend on.”
Don Juan had told me, laughing at my apparent chagrin, that the difficulty with this technique was the mood, and that I couldn't be passive in the act of seeing, for the sight was not something to watch but to act upon. [e178f]
Don Juan had also told me all along that sorcerers were divided into two groups: one group was dreamers; the other was stalkers. The dreamers were those who had a great facility for displacing the assemblage point. The stalkers were those who had a great facility for maintaining the assemblage point fixed on that new position. dreamers and stalkers complemented each other, and worked in pairs, affecting one another with their given proclivities.
Don Juan had assured me that the displacement and the fixation of the assemblage point could be realized at will by means of the sorcerers' iron-handed disciplin. He said that the sorcerers of his lineage believed that there were at least six hundred points within the luminous sphere that we are, that when reached at will by the assemblage point, can each give us a totally inclusive world; meaning that, if our assemblage point is displaced to any of those points and remains fixed on it, we will perceive a world as inclusive and total as the world of everyday life, but a different world nevertheless.
Don Juan had further explained that the art of sorcery is to manipulate the assemblage point and make it change positions at will on the luminous spheres that human beings are. The result of this manipulation is a shift in the point of contact with the dark sea of awareness, which brings as its concomitant a different bundle of zillions of energy fields in the form of luminous filaments that converge on the assemblage point. [e180f]
He explained to me then the intricacies of choice. He said that choice, for warrior-travelers, was not really the act of choosing, but rather the act of acquiescing elegantly to the solicitations of infinity.
”Infinity chooses,” he said. ”The art of the warrior-traveler is to have the ability to move with the slightest insinuation, the art of acquiescing to every command of infinity. For this, a warrior-traveler needs prowess, strength, and above everything else, sobriety. All those three put together give, as a result, elegance!” [e182]
”You must deliberately journey through the dark sea of awareness,” he replied, ”but you'll never know how this is done. Let's say that inner silence does it, following inexplicable ways, ways that cannot be understood, but only practiced.”
.... The words were definitely understandable to me, not singularly, but in clusters, as if my mind could pick up whole patterns of thought. [e183]
”There was a break in the continuity of time. That is what inner silence does.”
He patiently explained to me that the interruption of that flow of continuity that makes the world understandable to us is sorcery.
.... He stressed the fact that this intending I had done was not something conscious or volitional; the intending had been done at a deep level, and had been ruled by necessity. I needed to become cognizant of some of the possibilities of journeying through the dark sea of awareness, and my inner silence had guided intent - a perennial force in the universe - to fulfill that need. [e186]
”The old shamans discovered that the entire universe is composed of twin forces,” he began, ”forces that are at the same time opposed and complementary to each other. It is inescapable that our world is a twin world. Its opposite and complementary world is one populated by beings that have awareness, but not an organism. For this reason, the old shamans called them inorganic beings.” [e189]
”Death for a sorcerer,” he said, ”terminates the reign of individual moods in the body. The old sorcerers believed it was the dominion of the different parts of the body that ruled the moods and actions of the total body; parts that become dysfunctional drag the rest of the body to chaos, such as, for instance, when you yourself get sick from eating junk. In that case, the mood of your stomach affects everything else. Death eradicates the dominion of those individual parts. It unifies their awareness into one single unit.”
”Do you mean that after they die, sorcerers are still aware?” I asked.
”For sorcerers, death is an act of unification that employs every bit of their energy. You are thinking of death as a corpse in front of you, a body on which decay has settled. For sorcerers, when the act of unification takes place, there is no corpse. There is no decay. Their bodies in their entirety have been turned into energy, energy possessing awareness that is not fragmented. The boundaries that are set up by the organism, boundaries which are broken down by death, are still functioning in the case of sorcerers, although they are no longer visible to the naked eye.
”I know that you are dying to ask me,” he continued with a broad smile, ”if whatever I'm describing is the soul that goes to hell or heaven. No, it is not the soul. What happens to sorcerers, when they pick up that hidden option of death, is that they turn into inorganic beings, very specialized, high-speed inorganic beings, beings capable of stupendous maneuvers of perception. Sorcerers enter then into what the shamans of ancient Mexico called their definitive journey. Infinity becomes their realm of action.”
”Do you mean by this, don Juan, that they become eternal?”
”My sobriety as a sorcerer tells me,” he said, ”that their awareness will terminate, the way inorganic beings' awareness terminates, but I haven't seen this happen. I have no firsthand knowledge of it. The old sorcerers believed that the awareness of this type of inorganic beings would last as long as the earth is alive. The earth is their matrix. As long as it prevails, their awareness continues. To me, this is a most reasonable statement.” [e191f]
”The energy from our first cousins is a drag!” don Juan went on. ”They are as fucked up as we are. Let's say that the organic and inorganic beings of our twin worlds are the children of two sisters who live next door to each other. They are exactly alike although they look different. They cannot help us, and we cannot help them. Perhaps we could join together, and make a fabulous family business corporation, but that hasn't happened. Both branches of the family are extremely touchy and take offense over nothing, a typical relationship between touchy first cousins. The crux of the matter, the sorcerers of ancient Mexico believed, is that both human beings and inorganic beings from the twin worlds are profound egomaniacs.”
According to don Juan, another classification that the sorcerers of ancient Mexico made of the inorganic beings was that of scouts, or explorers, and by this they meant inorganic beings that came from the depths of the universe, and which were possessors of awareness infinitely sharper and faster than that of human beings. Don Juan asserted that the old sorcerers had spent generations polishing their classification schemes, and their conclusions were that certain types of inorganic beings from the category of scouts or explorers, because of their vivaciousness, were akin to man. They could make liaisons and establish a symbiotic relation with men. The old sorcerers called these kinds of inorganic beings the allies. [e196f]
”Today, you found inorganic awareness, and then you saw it as it really is,” he said. ”Energy is the irreducible residue of everything. As far as we are concerned, to see energy directly is the bottom line for a human being. Perhaps there are other things beyond that, but they are not available to us.” [e199]
The only thing that came to my aid and gave me a connection, however flimsy, to academia was the recommendation that don Juan had made to me once that warrior-travelers should have a romance with knowledge, in whatever form knowledge was presented.
He had defined the concept of warrior-travelers, saying that it referred to sorcerers who, by being warriors, traveled in the dark sea of awareness. He had added that human beings were travelers of the dark sea of awareness, and that Earth was but a station on their journey; for extraneous reasons, which he didn't care to divulge at the time, the travelers had interrupted their voyage. He said that human beings were caught in a sort of eddy, a current that went in circles, giving them the expression of moving while they were, in essence, stationary. He maintained that sorcerers were the only opponents of whatever force kept human beings prisoners, and that by means of their discipline sorcerers broke loose from its grip and continued their journey of awareness. [e202]
”It doesn't make any difference,” he said to me one time, ”how good a reader you are, and how many wonderful books you can read. What's important is that you have the discipline to read what you don't want to read. The crux of the sorcerer's exercise of going to school is in what you refuse, not in what you accept.” [e203]
”Warrior-travelers don't complain,” don Juan went on. ”They take everything that infinity hands them as a challenge. A challenge is a challenge. It isn't personal. It cannot be taken as a curse or a blessing. A warrior-traveler either wins the challenge or the challenge demolishes him. It's more exciting to win, so win!”
I told him that it was easy for him or anyone else to say that, but to carry it out was another matter, and that my tribulations were insoluble because they originated in the incapacity of my fellow men to be consistent.
”It's not the people around you who are at fault,” he said. ”They cannot help themselves. The fault is with you, because you can help yourself, but you are bent on judging them, at a deep level of silence. Any idiot can judge. If you judge them, you will only get the worst out of them. All of us human beings are prisoners, and it is that prison that makes us act in such a miserable way. Your challenge is to take people as they are! Leave people alone.” [e208]
”These are the ups and downs of daily living,” don Juan said. ”You win, and you lose, and you don't know when you win or when you lose. This is the price one pays for living under the rule of self-reflection. There is nothing that I can say to you, and there's nothing that you can say to yourself. I could only recommend that you not feel guilty because you're an asshole, but that you strive to end the dominion of self-reflection. Go back to school. Don't give up yet.” [e210]
”There are only two things that are new. One is that now you have perceived energy all by yourself. What you did was to stop the world, and then you realized that you have always seen energy as it flows in the universe, as every human being does, but without knowing it deliberately. The other new thing is that you have traveled from your inner silence all by yourself.
”You know, without my having to tell you, that anything is possible if one departs from inner silence. ....
”But the issue which is of the utmost importance isn't knowing that you have always perceived energy directly, or your journeying from inner silence, but, rather, a twofold affair. First, you experienced something which the sorcerers of ancient Mexico called the clear view, or loosing the human form: the time when human pettiness vanishes, as if it had been a patch of fog looming over us, a fog that slowly clears up and dissipates. But under no circumstances must you believe that this is an accomplished fact. The sorcerer's world is not an immutable world like the world of everyday life, where they tell you that once you reach a goal, you remain a winner forever. In the sorcerer's world, to arrive at a certain goal means that you have simply acquired the most efficient tools to continue your fight, which, by the way, will never end.
”The second part of this twofold matter is that you experienced the most madening question for the heart of human beings. You expressed it yourself when you asked yourself the questions: `How in the world could it have been possible that I didn't know that I had perceived energy directly all my life? What had been preventing me from gaining access to that facet of my being?' ” [e213f]
He had described the energy body to me countless times, saying that it was a conglomerate of energy fields, the mirror image of the conglomerate of energy fields that makes up the physical body when it is seen as energy that flows in the universe. He had said that it was smaller, more compact, and of heavier appearance than the luminous sphere of the physical body.
Don Juan had explained that the body and the energy body were two conglomerates of energy fields compressed together by some strange agglutinizing force. He had emphasized no end that the force that binds that group of energy fields together was, according to the sorcerers of ancient Mexico, the most mysterious force in the universe. His personal estimation was that it was the pure essence of the entire cosmos, the sum total of everything there is.
He had asserted that the physical body and the energy body were the only counterbalanced energy configurations in our realm as human beings. He accepted, therefore, no other dualism than the one between these two. The dualism between body and mind, spirit and flesh, he considered to be a mere concatenation of the mind, emanating from it without any energetic foundation.
Don Juan had said that by means of discipline it is possible for anyone to bring the energy body closer to the physical body. Normally, the distance between the two is enourmous. Once the energy body is within a certain range, which varies for each of us individually, anyone, through discipline, can forge it into the exact replica of their physical body - that is to say, a three-dimensional, solid being. Hence the sorcerers' idea of the other or the double. By the same token, through the same processes of discipline, anyone can forge their three-dimensional, solid physical body to be a perfect replica of their energy body - that is to say, an ethereal charge of energy invisible to the human eye, as all energy is.
When don Juan had told me all about this, my reaction had been to ask him if he was describing a mythical proposition. He had replied that there was nothing mythical about sorcerers. Sorcerers were practical beings, and what they described was always something quite sober and down-to-earth. According to don Juan, the difficulty in understanding what sorcerers did was that they proceeded from a different cognitive system. [e215f]
”They discovered that we have a companion for life,” he said, as clearly as he could. ”We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. The predator is our lord and master. It has rendered us docile, helpless. If we want to protest, it suppresses our protest. If we want to act independently, it demands that we don't do so.”
.... ”There is an explanation,” don Juan replied, ”which is the simplest explanation in the world. They took over because we are food for them, and they squeeze us mercilessly because we are their sustenance. Just as we rear chickens in chicken coops, gallineros, the predators rear us in human coops, humaneros. Therefore, their food is always available to them.” [e218f]
”I want to appeal to your analytical mind,” don Juan said. ”Think for a moment, and tell me how you would explain the contradiction between the intelligence of man the engineer and the stupidity of his system of beliefs, or the stupidity of his contradictory behavior. Sorcerers believe that the predators have given us our system of beliefs, our ideas of good and evil, out social mores. They are the ones who set up our hopes and expectations and dreams of success or failure. They have given us covetousness, greed, and cowardice. It is the predators who make us complacent, routinary, and egomaniacal.”
”But how can they do this, don Juan?” I asked, somehow angered further by what he was saying. ”Do they whisper all that in our ears while we are asleep?”
”No, they don't do it that way. That's idiotic!” don Juan said, smiling. ”They are infinitely more efficient and organized than that. In order to keep us obedient and meek and weak, the predators engaged themselves in a stupenous maneuver - stupendous, of course, from the point of view of a fighting strategist. A horrendous maneuver from the point of view of those who suffer it. They gave us their mind! Do you hear me? The predators gave us their mind. The predators' mind is baroque, contradictory, morose, filled with the fear of being discovered any minute now.
”I know that even though you have never suffered hunger,” he went on, ”you have food anxiety, which is non other than the anxiety of the predator who fears that any moment now its maneuver is going to be uncovered and food is going to be denied. Through the mind, which, after all, is their mind, the predators inject into the lives of human beings whatever is convenient for them. And they ensure, in this manner, a degree of security to act as a buffer against their fear.”
”It's not that I can't accept all this at face value, don Juan,” I said. ”I could, but there's something so odious about it that it actually repels me. It forces me to take a contradictory stand. If it's true that they eat us, how do they do it?”
Don Juan had a broad smile on his face. He was as pleased as punch. He explained that sorcerers see infant human beings as strange, luminous balls of energy, covered from the top to the bottom with a glowing coat, something like a plastic cover that is adjusted tightly over their cocoon of energy. He said that that glowing coat of awareness was what the predators consumed, and that when a human being reached adulthood, all that was left of that glowing coat of awareness was a narrow fringe that went from the ground to the top of the toes. That fringe permitted mankind to continue living, but only barely.
As if I had been in a dream, I heard don Juan Matus explaining that to his knowledge, man was the only species that had the glowing coat of awareness outside that luminous cocoon. Therefore, he became easy prey for an awareness of a different order, such as the heavy awareness of the predator.
He then made the most damaging statement he had made so far. He said that this narrow fringe of awareness was the epicenter of self-reflection, where man was irremediably caught. By playing on our self-reflection, which is the only point of awareness left to us, the predators create flares of awareness that they proceed to consume in a ruthless, predatory fashion. They give us inane problems that force those flares of awareness to rise, and in this manner they keep us alive in order for them to be fed with the energetic flare of our pseudoconcerns.
There must have been something to which don Juan was saying, which was so devastating to me that at that point I actually got sick to my stomach.
After a moment's pause, long enough for me to recover, I asked don Juan: ”But why is it that the sorcerers of ancient Mexico and all sorcerers today, although they see the predators, don't do anything about it?”
”There's nothing that you and I can do about it,” don Juan said in a grave, sad voice. ”All we can do is discipline ourselves to the point where they will not touch us. How can you ask your fellow men to go through those rigors of discipline? They'll laugh and make fun of you, and the more aggressive ones will beat the shit out of you. And not so much because they don't believe it. Down in the depths of every human being, there's an ancestral, visceral knowledge about the predators' existence.”
.... ”Whenever doubts plague you to a dangerous point,” he said, ”do something pragmatic about it. Turn off the light. Pierce the darkness; find out what you can see.” [e219ff]
”The sorcerers of ancient Mexico,” he said, ”saw the predator. They called it the flyer because it leaps through the air. It is not a pretty sight. It is a big shadow, impenetrable dark, a black shadow that jumps through the air. Then, it lands flat on the ground. The sorcerers of ancient Mexico were quite ill at ease with the idea of when it made appearance on earth. They reasoned that man must have been a complete being at one point, with stupendous insights, feats of awareness that are mythological legends nowadays. And then everything seems to disappear, and we have now a sedated man.”
.... What I'm saying is that what we have against us is not a simple predator. It is very smart, and organized. It follows a methodical system to render us useless. Man, the magical being that he is destined to be, is no longer magical. He's an average piece of meat. There are no more dreams for man but the dreams of an animal who is being raised to become a piece of meat: trite, conventional, imbecilic.” [e223]
”This predator,” don Juan said, ”which, of course, is an inorganic being, is not altogether invisible to us, as other inorganic beings are. I think as children we do see it and decide it's so horrific that we don't want to think about it. Children, of course, could insist on focusing on the sight, but everybody else around them dissuades them from doing so.
”The only alternative left for mankind,” he continued, ”is discipline. Discipline is the only deterrent. But by discipline I don't mean harsh routines. I don't mean waking up every morning at five-thirty and throwing cold water on yourself until you're blue. Sorcerers understand discipline as the capacity to face with serenity odds that are not included in our expectations. For them, discipline is an art: the art of facing infinity without flinching, not because they are strong and tough but because they are filled with awe.” [e224]
”The grand trick of those sorcerers of ancient times,” don Juan continued, ”was to burden the flyers' mind with discipline. They found out that if they taxed the flyers' mind with inner silence, the foreign installation would flee, giving to any one of the practitioners involved in this maneuver the total certainty of the mind's foreign origin. The foreign installation comes back, I assure you, but not as strong, and a process begins in which the fleeing of the flyers' mind becomes routine, until one day it flees permanently. A sad day indeed! That's the day when you have to rely on your own devices, which are nearly zero. There's no one to tell you what to do. There's no mind of foreign origin to dictate the imbecilities you're accustomed to.
”My teacher, the Nagual Julian, used to warn all his disciples,” don Juan continued, ”that this was the toughest day in a sorcerer's life, for the real mind that belongs to us, the sum total of our experience, after a lifetime of domination has been rendered shy, insecure, and shifty. Personally, I would say that the real battle of sorcerers begins at that moment. The rest is merely preparation.” [e225]
”I am going to reveal to you one of the extraordinary secrets of sorcery. I am going to describe to you a finding that took sorcerers thousands of years to verify and consolidate.”
He looked at me and smiled maliciously. ”The flyer's mind flees forever,” he said, ”when a sorcerer succeeds in grabbing on to the vibrating force that holds us together as a conglomerate of energy fields. If a sorcerer maintains that pressure long enough, the flyer's mind flees in defeat. And that's exactly what you are going to do: hold on to the energy that binds you together.”
.... Don Juan looked at me from head to toe.
”You are fearing the wrath of God, aren't you?” he said. ”Rest assured, that's not your fear. It's the flyer's fear, because it knows that you will do exactly as I'm telling you.”
.... ”Don't worry,” don Juan said calmly. ”I know for a fact that those attacks wear off very quickly. The flyers' mind has no concentration whatsoever.” [e226]
”The sorcerers' revolution,” he continued, ”is that they refuse to honor agreements in which they did not participate. Nobody ever asked me if I would consent to be eaten by beings of a different kind of awareness. My parents just brought me into this world to be food, like themselves, and that's the end of the story.” [e227]
”The real danger is that the flyers' mind may win by getting you tired and forcing you to quit by playing the contradiction between what it says and what I say.
”You see, the flyers' mind has no competitors,” don Juan continued. ”When it proposes something, it agrees with its own proposition, and it makes you believe that you've done something of worth. The flyers' mind will say to you that whatever Juan Matus is telling you is pure nonsense, and then the same mind will agree with its own proposition, `Yes, of course, it is nonsense,' you will say. That's the way they overcome us.
”The flyers are an essential part of the universe,” he went on, ”and they must be taken as what they really are - awesome, monstrous. They are the means by which the universum tests us.
”We are energetic probes created by the universe,” he continued as if he were oblivious to my presence, ”and it's because we are possessors of energy that has awareness that we are the means by which the universe becomes aware of itself. The flyers are the implacable challengers. They cannot be taken as anything else. If we succeed in doing that, the universe allows us to continue.” [e229]
.... but he told me not to indulge in comparison, that after walking for a quarter of a mile, every place in the world was just the same.
.... ”.... Nobody knows how this is done. It is one of those things that the old sorcerers called energetic facts. Shut off your internal dialogue. That's all it takes.” [e230]
”.... We went for a hike today, we talked, because the mystery of sorcery must be cushioned in the mundane. It must stem from nothing, and go back again to nothing. That's the art of warrior-travelers: to go through the eye of a needle unnoticed. ....”
.... ”.... This is not a journey through the dark sea of awareness. This is seeing from inner silence.” [e232]
He said that the backbone of a warrior-traveler is humbleness and efficiency, acting without expecting anything and withstanding anything that lies ahead of him.
I went at that point through another shift in my level of awareness. My mind focused on a thought, or a feeling of anguish. I knew then that I had made a pact with some people to die with them, and I couldn't remember who they were. I felt, without the shadow of a doubt, that it was wrong that I should die alone. My anguish became unbearable.
Don Juan spoke to me. ”We are alone,” he said. ”That's our condition, but to die alone is not to die in loneliness.” [e240]
Don Juan told me then that it is obligatory that a warrior-traveler say good-bye to all the people he leaves behind. He must say this good-bye in a loud and clear voice so that his shout and his feelings will remain forever recorded in those mountains.
I hesitated for a long time, not out of bashfulness but because I didn't know whom to include in my thanks. I had completely internalized the sorcerers' concept that warrior-travelers can't owe anything to anyone.
Don Juan had drilled a sorcerers' axiom in me: ”Warrior-travelers pay elegantly, generously, and with unequaled ease every favor, every service rendered to them. In this manner, they get rid of the burden of being indebted.”
.... Don Juan said that I had indeed recapitulated my life thoroughly, but he added that I was far from being free of indebtedness.
“How about your ghosts?” he went on. “Those you can no longer touch?”
.... I had thanked my friend profusely, and I had sensations that something out there acknowledged my thanks. The other three had remained stories from my life, stories of people who had given me an inconceivable gift, and whom I had never thanked. [e241f]
”You cannot confuse solitude with solitariness,” don Juan explained to me once. ”Solitude for me is psychological, of the mind. Solitariness is physical. One is debilitating, the other comforting.” [e248f]
He and Crazy Shepherd were the only gutsy kids in town. They both had something that I considered unique and unheared of: courage. No one else in that whole town had any. I had tested them all. As far as I was concerned, every one of them was dead, including the love of my life, my grandfather. [e251]
Sho Velez was the only being I have ever envied in my life. He had someone to die for, and he had proved to me that he would do it; I had no one to die for, and I had proved nothing at all.
.... Don Juan believed that my indebtedness to Sho Velez was imperishable, that he was the only one who had ever taught me that we must have something we could die for before we could think that we have something to live for. [e253]
The scene filled me with a strange sadness that lasts to this day - a most inexplicable melancholy that don Juan explained as my first-time knowledge that we run out of time.
.... She never returned, and don Juan explained the selling of her holdings and giving them to Antoine as a supreme sorcerers' maneuver executed by her counselor to detach her from the care of her family. They were so angry with Mother for her deed that they didn't care whether or not she returned.
.... Don Juan very patiently explained to me that loneliness is inadmissible in a warrior. He said that warrior-travelers can count on one being on which they can focus all their love, all their care: this marvelous Earth, the mother, the matrix, the epicenter of everything we are and everything we do; the very being to which all of us return; the very being that allows warrior-travelers to leave on their definitive journey. [e259f]
Beyond a certain point, the only joy of a warrior-traveler is his aloneness. I wouldn't like you to try to help me, either. Once I leave, I am gone. Don't think about me, for I won't think about you. If you are a worthy warrior-traveler, be impeccable! Take care of your world. Honor it; guard it with your life!” [e261]
I had always been a near hypochondriac. [e263]
Don Juan had taught me that at moments of crisis, such as this one, one must use running water as a cleansing factor. I remembered this and got under the shower. I let the warm water run over my body for perhaps over an hour. [e265]
My continuity was now broken beyond repair. I had really died, one way or the other, at the bottom of that gully. It was impossible to comprehend my being alive, having breakfast at Ship's. It was impossible for me to look back into my past and see the uninterrupted line of continuous events that all of us see when we look into the past.
The only explanation available to me was that I had followed don Juan's directives; I had moved my assemblage point to a position that prevented my death, and from my inner silence I had made the return journey to L.A. There was no other rationale for me to hold on. For the first time ever, this line of thought was thoroughly acceptable to me, and thoroughly satisfactory. [e266]
Don Juan had explained heightened awareness as a minute displacement of my assemblage point, which he achieved, every time I saw him, by actually pushing forcefully on my back. He helped me, with such displacements, to engage energy fields that were ordinarily peripheral to my awareness. In other words, the energy fields that were ususally on the edge of my assemblage point became central to it during that displacement. A displacement of this nature had two consequences for me: an extraordinary keenness of thought and perception, and the incapacity to remember, once I was back in my normal state of awareness, what had transpired while I had been in that other state. [e267]
Don Juan had lamented that a male sorcerer who is the Nagual perforce had to be fragmented because of the bulk of his energetic mass. He said that each fragment lived a specific range of a total scope of activity, and the events that he experienced in each fragment had to be joined someday to give a complete, conscious picture of everything that had taken place in his total life.
Looking into my eyes, he had told me that that unification takes years to accomplish, and that he had been told of cases of Naguals who never reached the total scope of their activities in a conscious manner and lived fragmented.
.... I was, in essence, a gigantic puzzle, and to fit each piece of that puzzle into place produced an effect that had no name. [e268]
I was a warrior-traveler. Only energetic facts were meaningful for me. All the rest were trimmings that had no importance at all. [e269]
My normal cognition required a linear explanation in order to be satisfied, and linear explanations were not possible. That was the crux of the interruption of continuity. Don Juan had said that that interruption was sorcery. I knew this now, as clearly as I was capable of. How right don Juan had been when he had said that in order for me to stay behind, I needed all my strength, all my forbearance,and above all, a warrior-traveler's guts of steel. [e270]
I had the physical sensation of actually entering into a passageway, a passageway that had a force of its own. It pulled me in. It was a silent passageway. Don Juan was that passageway, quiet and immense. This was the first time ever that I felt that don Juan was void of physicality. There was no room for sentimentality or longing. I couldn't possibly have missed him because he was there as a depersonalized emotion that lured me in. [e271]


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